Amazon Wants You To Dress Like a Sparkly Ninja

I don’t know why

Christopher Kokoski
ILLUMINATION

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Sparkly ninja cartoon — Amazon Wants You To Dress Like a Sparkly Ninja
Gif by Author via Canva

While browsing through Amazon for an article I’m working on, my eyes freeze on a monstrosity of a dress — if you can call it a dress.

It’s an outfit, all right.

A sparkly ninja outfit, almost as if that vampire from the Twilight series (Edward what’s-his-name) decided to dress up like a shimmering cat burglar.

Except, Amazon doesn’t want you to wear this outfit as a vampire/cat/sparkly criminal costume. Oh no, Amazon has other plans for you. From his billionaire perch up in the sky, Jeff Bezos wants you to wear this sucker to the club.

Here Is Your Ninja Outfit: Wear It

Screenshot of Amazon.com Cat Ninja Party Dress
Screenshot by the author — Amazon Cat Ninja Party Dress: Credit

I’m not sure what Amazon was thinking when they decided to market this ninja outfit as partywear, but I have to admit it’s a pretty bold choice.

The thing is, though, I’m not sure if it’s actually a good choice.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, the outfit looks great and all, but I’m not sure it’s appropriate for clubbing. After all, ninjas are supposed to be stealthy and covert, not flashy and in-your-face.

But then again, maybe that’s precisely the point.

After all, if you’re going to stand out at the club, you might as well go all out, right? In any case, whether you think this outfit is a fashion do or a fashion don’t, you have to admit it takes some serious confidence to rock it.

So my advice to you is this: if you’ve got it, flaunt it.

If you’re feeling bold and daring, go ahead and give this sparkly ninja outfit a try. Who knows? You might just have the best night ever.

You might even take out a few bad guys.

Why You Should Wear Sparkly Ninja Outfits More Often

Let’s face it, life can be a grind.

You’ve got bills to pay, a never-ending to-do list, and sometimes it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.

But there’s one guaranteed way to make everything better — by donning a sparkly ninja suit! That’s right, whether you’re grocery shopping, going to the dentist, or meeting a blind date for the first time, nothing says “party” like a glittery outfit.

Here are just a few examples of how wearing a sparkly ninja suit can make even the most mundane tasks more fun:

  • Grocery shopping: Tired of pushing a cart around your local supermarket? Strap on some nunchucks and turn your grocery run into an action-packed adventure. Be sure to practice your karate chops as you navigate the produce aisle — just watch out for those pesky bananas.
  • Dentist appointment: Don’t be afraid to show your dentist who’s boss. Wearing a sparkly ninja suit will help you tap into your inner warrior, giving you the strength you need to endure even the most dreaded dental procedures. And who knows, you might just get a high-five from the hygienist when she sees your rad outfit.
  • Blind date: First dates can be nerve-wracking, but there’s no need to be anxious when you’re wearing a sparkly ninja suit. Not only will you look confident and cool, but you’ll also have an easy conversation starter — just be sure to ask about your date’s favorite color glitter. Trust me, there’s no better way to make a good first impression.

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Christopher Kokoski
ILLUMINATION

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