How do you take control of the 4 wheels of life? (II)
Wheel II — Relationships
Before you start reading this, you should start with part I — How do you take control of the 4 wheels of life? (I)
I am sharing my learnings from the book “Life’s Amazing Secrets by Gaur Gopal Das” about keeping the second wheel of life (relationships) in motion.
Lesson #1 — BE SENSITIVE
With work hours extending as long as a 100 hours/week in our profession, it becomes more and more difficult to keep your calm and see the 200th patient with the same sensitivity and empathy as you see your first one.
But I believe being sensitive to other people’s emotions is a conscious choice that you have to make on a daily basis until it is engraved deeply within you.
So always treat someone better than how you want to be treated.
Be sensitive with your words as well as actions.
Lesson #2 — SEE THE BEST IN PEOPLE
Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one that finds the gold. —Proverbs 11:27
The book describes 5 kinds of people with respect to how we see other people.
- See only bad and magnify it.
2. See good and bad, neglect the good and focus on the bad.
3. See good and bad, and be neutral to both.
4. See good and bad, choose to focus on the good and neglect the bad.
5. See the good and magnify it.
The best perspective is the 4th one, where you see a person how they are, both good and the bad parts, but you choose to focus only on the good. It takes a lot of hard and conscious decisions to do that.
Once you start doing it, you will start developing a very positive outlook of people as well as life, making your relationships deeper and more fun.
Lesson #3 — CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK
It is strange that sword and words have the same letters. Even more strange is that they have the same effect if not handled properly. — Anonymous
Most often, when we point out a mistake in someone, it is born out of anger and retaliation.
Instead, we should always focus on giving corrective feedback by choosing our words very wisely so that the person can understand and improve upon their shortcomings without feeling bitter.
There are these 4 questions that you should ask yourself before you start giving feedback to anyone —
- Am I the right person to give corrective feedback?
- Do I have the right motive?
- Do I know the right way?
- Is it the right time?
Always try to appreciate people about their good things before you give corrective feedback.
Going through this framework will save a lot of relationship trouble that is often born out of our impulsive reactions towards people and their shortcomings.
Lesson #4 — FORGIVENESS
Darkness can not drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate can not drive out hate; only love can do that. — Martin Luther King
Whenever someone hurts us, it is a very unpleasant feeling. It’s only natural to feel those emotions. They exist because we value the person. So, in that moment of hurt, it takes a very big heart to forgive anyone, however close they may be.
These few practical points that I have tried to inculcate within myself might help you with it —
- When someone hurt us most of the time, it is when they are suffering too. So if we try to look at why they said something instead of what they said, it makes us feel better about ourselves as well as feel empathy towards them.
- We should try to separate that emotion of anger from the person so that it doesn’t sour the relationship for a very long time. Instead, deal with hurt as an emotion rather than dealing with the person.
Our relationships often troubles us and unbalance the vehicle of life. I hope that this article helps you improve your relationships and puts you in the direction of becoming a person who can forge deep meaningful relationships because —
“Beyond any other need, the greatest longing of every individual is to give love and to be loved."
And know that I love you ❤️
If you wish to read the whole book Life’s Amazing Secrets by Gaur Gopal Das, you can buy it here.
Note — This is an affiliate link. A small portion of your purchase goes to me without costing you anything.
