How To Secure 3h/Day To Work on Your Goals While Being a Stay-at-Home Mom
3 simple hacks that help me build my side business without sacrificing family time or sending my child to daycare
With a toddler and a baby coming soon, finding time to work on my career aspirations is anything but easy.
Two driving forces are pulling me in seemingly opposite directions: I strive to be a present mother and I also strive to be a successful entrepreneur.
Can you be both?
Yes, you can. And I’m proving that to myself day after day.
Here are 3 things that make it possible for me to make daily progress toward my business goals without sacrificing my family goals nor having to send my toddler to daycare.
#1 - Involve Daddy
Today’s fathers are present fathers, or at least they want to be.
Maybe some haven’t consciously elaborated on that just yet but, just like us intentional mothers, they too are aware of the holes that an absent paternal figure leaves in someone’s life.
My partner wants to be there for our kids and he wants to build a solid relationship with them. He wants them to “know him”, unlike him with his father.
There’s often some resistance on his side when his help is asked for instead of being his spontaneous desire (God forbids he feels like someone is putting a barrier to his freedom or trying to control his choices!) but there are ways around that and eventually he’ll help out when I ask him to.
Great communication skills are key here (more on this in a moment).
We currently have arranged that he spends one hour of special 1:1 time with our son every evening before dinner. Special for them, golden for me. I get to open my laptop and work on my projects every single day.
This gives me one solid hour per day to work on my thing.
Wait! My partner is unsupportive
I’ve felt this way about my partner, too, at times. I’ve always been able to overcome his resistance by openly talking about the situation, and asking for help only after making sure his needs and point of view were validated first.
Validate first, and offer your point of view second.
This is a communication skill that will help you better navigate arguments in any area of your life and with pretty much everyone.
Also, open the conversation by helping them see the benefits of what you’re suggesting.
This can look like something like this:
I think (child) would really benefit from spending some time alone with you. You could get him with you on a walk or do some father-son play, you know, the kind of things he doesn’t do with me. He’d love that and I bet you’d have plenty of fun!
What do you think of dedicating an hour to the two of you when you get back home from work? This would also give me the possibility to spend some time recharging and working on my stuff.
You see how different that sounds than “Hey I need you to help me out with (child) 'cause I’ve got aspirations of my own!”
Manipulation? Nope. Effective communication.
#2 — Take advantage of naptime
If you’re not new to me, you know I’ve been nap-trapped for the past 30 months of my life (yes, that long). Things are slowly starting to change now, but I’m not expecting the experience with my second child to be any different (hopefully he’ll surprise me, though!).
If you’re lucky enough to be able to leave your sleeping child safe and sound in his bed/crib and spend some time doing your things, fantastic! That should be another solid hour or two you can dedicate to working on your goals.
If you’re often nap-trapped like I am, there’s still plenty you can do.
I take my phone with me and keep a journal nearby so I can engage with other Medium accounts and X creators, draft content ideas on my notes app, continue my NLP course, and the like.
In an hour and a half, I lay the foundations of the work I’ll do once I actually get to open my laptop. This way I’ll never have to stare at a blank page when I want to write and I always have something to work on and some progress to measure at the end of the week to keep momentum going.
Bonus: I also sneak a little power nap in — parents never get enough sleep!
This is an additional one or two hours per day to work on your goals, for a total of 2 to 3 hours daily.
Wait! I have a million chores to do while my child is asleep
We all do. But here’s the thing: chores can be done with your child while they're awake.
Messy, I know, but very educational for them.
There’s nothing better than watching grownups do grownups stuff, for a little one that’s learning everything from scratch!
I’ve been doing chores with my son since he was born. He’s now 2 and a half and helps me wash the dishes, clean up, fold laundry, etc.
He’s not always very helpful yet but he has fun and I appreciate his involvement in household matters deeply (this is especially important for me given that I know more than one 40-year-old man who still relies on their mother to do their laundry — no joke!).
It’s also an amazing occasion for bonding and strengthening my patience.
#3 — I plan in advance
Time efficiency is everything when you’re parenting little children while working on your personal goals.
I used to start my day by asking myself what needed to get done and what I wanted to accomplish. What a huge waste of time!
These days I plan my day the evening before, right after dinner. I pick two lever-moving tasks related to my goals and select a few other priorities from my to-do list.
When I wake up in the morning I simply have a look at my planner and I’m ready to go. You’ll be surprised how much you’re able to accomplish if you use your energy to execute rather than think.
Just as I plan my days ahead, I also plan my weeks ahead.
I think of what needs to get done and what I want to accomplish every Sunday evening. What I come up with goes into my weekly to-do list which is where I then select the daily to-dos from, every evening.
Wait! I can’t use to-do lists, they just don’t work for me
That’s because you’ve been using them wrong. Your list is not supposed to cause you frustration or overwhelm. It’s supposed to be your ally in getting things done.
A few suggestions:
- Treat your to-do list as sacred space by being very mindful of what goes in there and what doesn’t
- Create multiple lists to keep tasks off your mind without cluttering your main to-do list (creating a “mosquito tasks” list to look at once per day works well to keep the annoying but necessary stuff out of your head)
- Prioritize a few lever-moving tasks related to your goal to focus on every day to ensure you spend your energy on the right things and make actual progress. All the rest fall under the “would be nice to do but I won’t get upset if I don’t” category.
- Allow whitespace between tasks to recharge and transition smoothly between activities. This enhances focus and avoids burnout!
More stories on how to turn your to-do list into your best ally coming soon!
Working on your goals while parenting young children who don’t yet go to school is possible.
These are just three simple ways in which things are working for me.
If you’re able to follow this advice, you’ll carve out 2 to 3 hours per day to work on your thing.
That’s more time than what most aspiring creators and side hustlers have!
Do this for long enough and you’ll end up with great habits, unshakeable resilience, and a PhD in creative problem-solving. All without sacrificing a single ounce of quality time with your kids!
