Innovation in Matrimony: The 5–7 Year Marriage Contract Renewal Model
There was that German Politician…
I propose that marriages lapse after seven years… This would mean that one will only commit for a fixed period and will actively have to renew your vows if you still want to continue. Gabriele Pauli.
Years back, I remember reading about the statements by Gabriele Pauli and I was filled with anger — how dare she?! How do people bring such ultra-liberal ideas, especially concerning an institution as dignified as marriage? How dare she?!
Whatever her take on marriage was, whatever her disillusionments and her unhappiness, I felt she was wrong (so wrong!) to make such statements in public.
Oh, to be young and foolish.
I have since revised my perspective on marriage, long-term relationships, and emotional engagements. For a start, these things should come bearing a huge sign:
I mean, do people really know what they are getting into? All over social media, I see 19-year-olds, 23-year-olds — and all of that, talking about the love of their life. Hashtag LOML.
the brain undergoes a “rewiring” process that is not complete until approximately 25 years of age
Why are people in their early adulthoods thinking about getting hitched — for the rest of their lives?
Getting hitched.
Why are we so scared to do life on our own for as long as possible? Why are we so scared to live? Be alone? Learn who we are as individuals before getting hitched to someone else. Why are we so scared to travel the world and see the world on our own? Have unique experiences?
Why do I grow into adulthood desperate to get hitched for the rest of my life, to this one person?
The stats aren’t so hot on it either:
48 percent of those who marry before the age of 18 are likely to divorce within 10 years, compared to 25 percent of those who marry after the age of 25. 60 percent of couples married between the age of 20 -25 will end in divorce. Those who wait to marry until they are over 25 years old are 24 percent less likely to get divorced.
I am in my early 30s and the shockingly tiny things I have learned about myself:
I slept on myself so hard, I enabled my own abuse which lasted years! All while thinking I was a smart, ambitious woman. Ha ha.
I mean, I look back at my 20s and I cannot for the life of me believe that I knew much about anything. And even now in my 30s, I learn so much about myself, about the world around me, about human beings and human behavior that, I just want to take up my megaphone and stand on the street corners so every 20-year-old thinking about marriage can hear me —
I know I will not win against all our mothers who no matter the success you achieve, will mean nothing if you are not married. I know I will not succeed against the voice of social pressure which tells you that the rat race is a conspiracy. I know I will not win against the nurturing of the environment and the “all my mates have left me behind” so, because I know I will not win, I want to Gabriele Pauli the world.
Can marriage contracts be renewed every 5–7 years?
It isn’t redoing the wedding — nah. It should be simple:
- Go to the court
- Restate your intention to remain married
- You are issued a free marriage contract renewal for the next 5–7 years.
What is the harm? What is your objection? If you can do happily-ever-after for the rest of your life, surely, what amounts to marriage vow renewals these days, should not be a problem. Should it?
People evolve.
Who you were in your teens isn’t who you are in your 20s and 30s.
This author gave her husband the gift of a threesome for his 40th birthday. The author’s husband was left “smiling” and “beaming” from the experience. For the author herself, it was a one-and-done. For her own birthday,
I think I’d like a watch.
How do you navigate such extreme needs and evolutions in your marriage at a young age? People have their desires, guilty pleasures, and the like. Do they live without, feeling unfulfilled from their 20s until they are laid out in their 80s wondering how it would have been? Fantasies and fetishes and wishful thinking aren’t reserved for any gender so this isn’t about any in particular.
I do not think that age gives wisdom. I think with age comes more experiences, more networks of people we have interacted with, and more openness or boldness about life that younger people may still be grappling with.
Online, I read young people cohabiting at 21 and coming to ask questions like, Am I The Asshole because I stopped paying all the bills for my boyfriend until he gets a job and starts helping out?
From my high throne of wisdom garnered from years lived in abuse, I often roll my eyes and go, what are you doing there? RUN! Go and live, first!
Live first. As Torshie Torto reminded us in her recent piece about lessons she has learned in her 28 years,
Be the protagonist of your own story.
In conclusion, I think the most important reason marriage contracts should be established is that it will eliminate the societal pressure of staying in an unhappy marriage. Your excuse can always be — we haven’t gotten around to renewing (while you both plot the strategies for divvying up the properties and whatnot). The shame and the pressure will be somewhat alleviated.
I do not presume to know most about much so I am fully interested in hearing your take on this topic so do tell — what do you think?
Thank you for reading.
