Your New Year’s Resolutions Won’t Stick.
Yet again.
We're barely past the middle of January and already our resolutions to go to the gym twice a week, have a healthy diet, stop smoking, learn a new skill, call friends and family more often, are starting to feel like vague memories.
And every year it is the same, even though every year we vow it will be different.
So, how to remedy this?
Ensure you know exactly what new behaviour you want to adopt.
Our brain is not a fool. When you say you want to stop smoking, a small part of it is at the same time saying that actually, you don’t. However, saying that you want to be healthy is much more believable.
It is just as hard to say you want to eat less, but easier to believe that you want to be fit.
I am not saying that you should not make pledges to yourself that you will stop smoking or lose those extra kilos, but make sure you know what the positive behaviour you want to install in its place is. And focus on those primarily.
(Re)define your identity
If you call yourself lazy, how on earth will your brain feel dedicated to spending an hour and a half at the gym three times a week?
If you describe yourself as a person of low intelligence, how will you get the motivation to learn something new?
If you believe you are careless and forgetful, why would you contradict yourself and call your loved ones more often or be punctual?
Take a pen, and with relation to those new behaviours you want to adopt, find what this new identity you are creating is. It is already you, even though it is a work in progress.
You are working on being healthy, fit, loving, caring. You are the one aware of the attitudes that need to be changed, the one that is going to put the effort in. You are already there. And as soon as you take that first Body Pump class, you are healthier already and can call yourself that.
As soon as you register for that online course, you are a person dedicated to learning,
As soon as you facetime your younger brother, you are a more loving person. You already are all of this. Affirm and reaffirm it to yourself. Redefine that new identity of yours.
Know what you believe in and what your values are.
Henry Ford said: “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right”. The man had a point. We are the ones creating our reality. With perseverance and resilience, but you must believe. If you don’t believe you can, there’s not even a point in trying.
But why do you even want to try? What are the values that make you think you should be more organised or save money?
If deep down you do not believe in those, you will fail in being successful at whatever you try to accomplish.
Question your reasons. Is it what you want? Or what friends, family, religion, society pressure you into?
Link the new behaviour you want to adopt to your values and this identity you are evolving into.
As an example, you could say: I want to travel more because I am a person who is interested in the world, and I truly believe that I get richer by doing so. I value learning about myself through the exchange I have with different cultures.
List what you need to get there.
Break it down as much as possible. Small chunks are easier to assimilate.
Saying you have to save 5.000$ this year to be able to travel for a few months with your backpack next winter sounds ludicrous.
You will start by putting it off the first month because after all, it is January, and you spent a lot in December for the presents. Then it will be February, shorter month, a bit less money and it’s your best friend’s wedding. March, ups, you simply forgot, April you eventually manage to put a bit aside, then comes the end of May and you have to pay that hospital bill after a food poisoning that could have proved very serious, June, you obviously celebrate the fact that you are still alive, and in July, you start counting and realise that you will never have rounded up the sufficient money to go, so you simply give up and leave it for next year.
However, if you think it will be $13/day or even $100/week, it is more achievable. This beautiful pair of stilettos might not be needed after all, and removing one of the takeaway dinners each week can easily be done. And if instead of 4 nights out you allow yourself to have three, both your wallet and your liver will be grateful.
The second step would be to start planning for that trip. Set a date by which you have to know where, when, what hotels and activities. Again, you do not need to do it all at once. The first month can be for research on the countries, then attractions, stays, and so on…
Set a date on your calendar, with a reminder. It can be the first Sunday of each month, in the evening before going to bed. You will go to sleep filled with beautiful images and anticipation, on top of a very positive mindset to start the week and the month!
As a third step, maybe learn the rudiments of the language. Whether it be learning 5 sentences a month using Duolingo (very good free app to learn languages), going for evening classes at an Alliance Française or online lessons on Preply.
The fourth could be to start making a list of what you need to pack and what you will need to borrow or buy.
And so on. It will help you keep motivated and will give you constant reminders of why you are saving. It won’t feel as difficult anymore as you will have a clear objective and actionable ways to reach it.
Surround yourself well, your environment is crucial.
People:
“You’re the average of the five people spend the most time with,” or so does Jim Rhon say. Others, like David Burkus, believe it goes much beyond that.
You want the people around you to share those values that you have defined earlier. At least the main ones, and if they don’t (fair enough, it would be boring to all think the same), learn something from them. Often, people who have different opinions, if we quiet our egos and listen a bit, end up being great teachers.
Also, don’t forget that when you share your goals or resolutions with close friends, they become accountability partners, a most useful tool!
Physical environment:
Do you want to read more?
Have more books and a place that will invite you to do so.
Do you want to smoke less?
Don’t go to those smoking free bars where there will be temptation all around.
Have specific spots for different activities, switching from one to the next sends the signal to your brain that you have moved to that new activity.
Only sleep and sex in the bedroom, a desk for work, a couple of comfy cushions for reading…
Some even push it further and use a tablet, a phone and a computer depending on what they intend to do. Social networking, learning or working.
The brain learns to switch attitude based on where the body is.
Time:
Routine can seem dull, however, they often prove useful. It is through repetition that we create habits that end up being our new norm.
Find out what the best moment is for you to read. When will you have the smallest amount of distractions? When will your brain be alert enough to not wander? …
What about exercising? Will you be too tired at the end of the day? Too full after lunch?
Maybe fresh in the morning to get those endorphins going could be a good idea. Set an alarm a bit earlier to do a 20-minute session of exercise (research has proven the impact of exercise on the brain and more specifically on productivity and creativity, it is also well known that it helps to feel in a better mood. What better way to start the day?)
Your cigarette is always around that specific time? Replace it with another activity, possibly in a different place.
You are the one responsible for your environment. Make it conducive to meeting your objectives and making your dreams come true.
So if you want those resolutions to stick, answer those 5 questions. Yes, take that pen and paper and answer:
What behaviour do I want to change?
Who am I? How am I defining myself concerning that attitude?
Why do I want to do this? What are the underlying beliefs?
How will I be able to achieve it? What steps do I need to take?
Where, and when will I make it happen? How can I make my environment more conducive?
