Siblings Have a Head Start.
Being an only child left me socially unprepared to work with, be in relationships with, or raise humans.
Hello, and this is a reminder.
Greetings, my fellow reading and writing enthusiasts. This is a bit off topic, but I hope the holiday season finds you with friends and family. Do try to remember that many people are depressed during this season. If you notice a quiet person never joining in on a carol, or looking as if they had been crying, try to engage. Do not force them to tell you their troubles.
Many miss family they may never see again. Some never had a family and holidays are just a reminder of what they don’t have. Just a little wake-up call to all you cheery and festive folks.
I digress
My apologies for already straying from the subject matter. The subject is about kids that have brothers or sisters. I have not researched the concept we are about to talk about but am writing about my observations and experiences with growing up without siblings and then getting to experience my kids growing up with siblings.
It was not unknown that I was different from many of my peers, though telling you why is a different story altogether. I am still not entirely sure what sets me apart, good or bad. I just know socially awkward was my style and blatantly so.
The contrast is interesting. The developmental and social benefits that my peers who had siblings exhibited still are cause for feelings of envy. It was like they had a built in BFF for life.
They learned the nasty tricks bullies played before the bully could use it on them. Me, I walked into all the traps and cried and wailed in doing so.
As a child I was different. You couldn’t tell at first glance. This used to upset me. I thought I wanted to be popular. Maybe fit-in just for a minute. Boys were not interested at all, but boy, I was.
When I’d get made fun of, I bought into it—taking every insult to heart. Internalized trauma only exacerbated this awkward issue. Being an only child made many kids’ insults and tricks seem brand new when this dance has been going on for generations.
What did I notice about my children and how they seemed to experience school and family? I saw how their siblings toughened them up. It is so true.
The tough love they received from one another gave each one a thicker skin able to handle storms.
I have also noticed in my friend’s children and my own, that the kids with a sidekick had confidence. They stood their ground better, knowing they weren’t in “this” alone.
I had no one advocating for me, it felt like. It was lonely and hard, even scary. Shying from confrontation only made things worse.
My own experience with life and family. Many people found me an easy target. Still, there have been many good people along the way, but to be honest, I simply needed a sibling. A peer, if you will. I had no one in my corner, and it was apparent.
My kids have a firmer grip on who they are. Knowing more about what they want and why.
They learn by trial and error with their family and peers, plus they envy their brother’s and sister’s things. They know stealing those things would end badly for them.
The solution was and always will be, to come up with a convoluted plan to dominate the sibling with something way super cool. You can achieve sibling domination in a couple of different ways.
- Sabotage. It is a sneaky way to deal with any situation. It is also effective and may give the least amount of resistance.
- Success. A more morally accepted approach that comes with a couple of big positive reasons why this is a better choice. It is also the harder choice.
- Do nothing. Lazy or scared folks will decide doing nothing is wise. I do not recommend this approach at all. Just keep going about those daily chores and “to-do” lists as if nothing embarrassing happened. Not smart.
Making full blown plans to overtake their brother’s or sister’s reign over cool shit made them smarter. Prepared them for the world.
My plans were weird and never worked because I was competing with only myself. I’m not sure if you’ve ever played tic tac toe by yourself but let me just tell you how that goes. It’s boring. Plus no one can say “wow Jillanne what if” bla bla bla “that will never work” bla bla bla.
A sibling can often be a voice of reason stopping us from doing outrageously stupid things. Me as an only child did those embarrassing stupid things thinking they were brilliant. Face to palm.
A child learns about people and how to behave but most importantly how to manipulate situations for their own benefit. This is a valuable skill.
Aside from all those benefits kids learn the basics fast with older siblings. They are shown they can do something and boom they too are doing the thing.
Google this subject I’d bet it confirms my beliefs.
As an only child I was socially awkward, lacked confidence, had imaginary friends, and that’s not all.
I noticed this phenomenon but after my 2nd was born and I saw how they protected each other and the moments they shared made me jealous. No. Jk. It made me feel good. Happy for them.
If you’re trying to decide to have more than one kid and not sure if it is wise, let this be a guide. Mentally, physically, socially, and emotionally, kids benefit in big ways when they have another to experience parents and growing up with. A single solitary child will develop lifelong issues. Lack of interaction with another individual they trust causes some ticks.
I hope you enjoyed my thoughts on this if you’d like to read more, please check out this piece.
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