The Day I Discovered about my “Inner Critical Voice”
I didn’t know they had a term for that voice in your head telling you to go screw yourself because you’re worthless
Two years ago, I was reviewing for the chemical engineering board exam. I had a lot of time to myself studying everything I already learned, things I thought I already did, and things I was supposed to learn during my university days.
When I was tired studying, the internet was a place to lose myself into.
I struggled with my mental health during my earlier years, even until now. But there was a very low point during my college days that serves as an upper limit (or maybe a lower limit?).
I’m now 24 and I can genuinely say that it has gotten better.
The first step to fixing the problem is knowing the problem. It’s cliche, but yes it’s the truth. I did not know what was going on with me as I grew up. I had no one to talk to about the debilitating thoughts I had. I thought there was something wrong with me for not being able to behave like other people.
I thought if I forced myself to act like everyone else, I’d eventually be like them, free from the strange negative thoughts that pop up unexpectedly in my head.
But how wrong I was. I couldn’t escape my thoughts even though how hard I tried to act “normal.” And as I grew up, I started to notice that the thoughts weren’t all unexpected. I could somehow anticipate them and while they were in full effect, I started to make out a voice that whispered the thoughts inside my head.
After college, I had decided to make it my personal mission to improve myself. I read self-help articles. I subscribed to email listings of TinyBuddha. I frequently visited websites like Lifehacker and ZenHabits.
THE INNER CRITICAL VOICE
It was one of those days I felt like I needed to read articles telling me how to shut down the negative voices in my head when I first encountered the term, “Inner Critical Voice.”
I couldn’t recall the title of the article but what I could remember was how struck I was with it. It was technical in a sense that I could imagine psychology teachers using it in their classes, while at the same time, the term seemed obvious and simple.
I devoured the article and all its contents. Things became clearer with every sentence I read. The “Inner Critical Voice” is the voice I hear telling me I’m not good enough, telling me something bad is going to happen, telling me people are talking behind my back, telling me I’m worthless, telling me I don’t deserve to be loved.
The article also told me how to deal with the voice. The goal was not to silence it but to counter the things it was saying. Resisting the voice will only result to inner turmoil and struggle. It was necessary to acknowledge that the voice was part of me and that I can argue with it like a person.
LOGIC AND COMPASSION
What I needed to do was to be aware of the things that the voice was saying and to separate myself from the person being targeted by the voice.
I needed to understand where the words were coming from. The voice was still part me so the words of the voice must be coming from my own thoughts. Once I understand my thoughts, I can start redirecting them or to analyze their validity.
Through this, I can management the voice in my head through logic and compassion.
Here is a very good scenario:
Inner Critical Voice: I’m not good enough. I will fail.
You need to separate yourself from the person being targeted by the voice. Instead of hearing the words above, focus on hearing these words instead:
Inner Critical Voice: You’re not good enough. You will fail.
Once you are not the target, your mind will have more room to think. Next, you have to analyze the validity of the words.
Your Own Thoughts: Why I am not good enough? What makes me so sure I will fail?
Inner Critical Voice: Because you’ve accomplished nothing. You don’t have what it takes to succeed. You always fail. Remember all those times you failed? Yes, it will happen again.
Your Own Thoughts: But I have accomplished something. What about that time when I (cite personal experience). That was an accomplishment. Yes, I’ve failed a lot of times but this is another chance to succeed.
Inner Critical Voice: That accomplishment was nothing! You were just lucky. You will fail because you’re lazy and dumb.
Your inner critical voice will try its best to disagree with what you think. The next move to take is compassion. Your inner critical voice is a version of you being too hard on yourself. You need to be kind to yourself. Imagine talking to yourself as how you would talk to a close friend or to your son or daughter who needs comfort and motivation.
Your Own Thoughts: I can do it. Yes, I’m scared because I have failed a lot in the past but I have learned my lessons. I am wiser now and better than I was before. If I was my old self, I would give up right away but I have changed. I want to succeed and to do that I have to let go of the past and focus my thoughts and energy to the things I want to accomplish.
Your inner critical voice might still have something to say but it will be weak and faint. If the voice is still strong, continue analyzing its validity and practice compassion. If it’s as strong as ever no matter how hard you argue with it, I suggest you seek help.
CONCLUSION
I have been hearing a voice in my head telling me all sorts of bad things about myself. I learned that this voice has a name: my “Inner Critical Voice.” I also learned that the voice is a part of me and there is a way for me to manage it. I just need to separate myself from the target, analyze the validity of the words of the voice and lastly, practice compassion.
