3 Great Demons Walk Into a Bar…
(the 4th one is kinda like a duck)
Welcome again to Ghosterpants!
Alright! I’ve had enough!
Enough bullying! Enough fear mongering! Enough propaganda and boxer shorts!
(for why that’s funny…please refer to my Wix article “The Yellow Silents”)
Yokai of the underworld unite! RAWR!
Ok, that’s kinda where I’m at with this story…and most stories actually.
When I say I’m pro-Yokai, it’s not just self reflection. I’ve stated previously that I actually believe in yokai. No one is disputing that. Also, no one is disputing the fact that boxers are the worst underwear in human history! (with the exception of chastity belts) I’ve stated also that certain yokai get a bad rap (like Kappa) and today’s yokai are no exception.
There are apparently 3 Great Terrible Yokai in Japan’s history. Yokai who seem to have caused so much havoc, they’re elevated to rock star status or anti-rock-star status…I donno.
Either way, I’ve decided to use this platform to begin retelling stories from the yokai pov.
No more will you blame yokai for the drowning of your child! No more will you denigrate a supernatural being for setting fire to your town or demonize a poor, wandering mononoke for simply wanting a place to sleep or eat. Tsk tsk dear humans. You have acted unjustly!
You have used yokai to discipline your children (even with phone apps)
(yet another thanks to T over at Uncanny Japan for the enlightening story)
You have signs posted around Japan bearing images of Kappa to frighten people away from bodies of water!
Look at that! That’s horrifying!
Have you…personally ever been attacked, harassed or otherwise harmed by ANY yokai? No? See???
Alright…down to business. The yokai in question are called 日本三大化生, Nihon Sandai Keshō by some. Others have called them Nihon Sandai Aku Yokai etc…
I say they’re the Three Great Scapegoats! 不当に罰せられました.
The first is Shuten dōji (also Shoten Doji) しゅてんどうじ 酒呑童子
Now, supposedly he was a terrible Oni. I kinda feel like he was a pretty great Oni…I mean…he was like the Oni’est Oni from Oniville!
He had the ability to conjure storms after all. Wouldn’t YOU want the power to conjure storms if some Kami offered? Also…he partied like, all the time…he and his mates must have had like a whole warehouse full of Sake….and be honest…you’d want a warehouse full of Sake if you could have it.
He was larger than 10 humans and enormously powerful!
If you could be that big and strong…you’d do it in a heartbeat…admit it.
Also…he was honest!
The story goes that there was some wanna-be hero out for his head. The demon-weeb came to his house dressed as a monk, drank his Sake and waited for the other demons to fall asleep then he and his men attacked them all. The quote went something like “You say you are heroes but then come to my house with trickery but the tongue of a demon never lies!”
His dad was Yamata-no-Orochi!!! Just say it…if you could have a giant, magical dragon for a father…you’d totally do it.
And pitiable as well! When he was only 6, his mother abandoned him.
We need to totally give him pass for that.
He was a great sorcerer too! Again…do I even have to say it? Pssht…you’d sell your soul for magic powers…I know you would.
Of course…there is the matter of the cannibalism. I’m not excusing the behavior. If I were his friend, I’d probably try to get him to replace that lust for blood and entrails with red wine and tofu…but…not everyone can so easily turn vegan. Lol!
So the real history should sound like this:
Once there was a boy who was very smart and strong. Because of this the other people around him were jealous and threw him away. So he went to a monastery where he was the best at studying the dharma.
Unfortunately, despite their credo of non-attachment, the other monks were jealous. One night, during a festival where he was wearing an Oni mask, one of the monks cast a spell to permanently turn him into a demon. So they threw him out because because now he didn’t look like humans.
Now he was homeless and decided to go live in the woods. He found other outcasts there who wanted to be like him so they partied all night and he gave them the magic spell to turn themselves into demons too.
I mean…why not, really. His magical studies didn’t end at the monastery. He found ways to make himself even stronger and more powerful.
Now something had to be done…I mean you can’t have a group of super powerful magicians hanging out in the woods and having a non-stop party…right??? So the emperor send a brigade out to kill them and they succeeded!
You see how unfair all that was to Shoten Douji? You do?
Then I have accomplished my goal.
(Speaking of goals…if you like this story, go here. It’s a website that’s stuffed full of info on yokai but it looks like it was made in the 90’s…lol)
#2 of the Three Scapegoats Gruff
Tamamo-no-Mae 玉藻前, 玉藻の前, or玉藻御前.
Their side : A 9-tailed fox disguised herself as a human and became one of the court concubines so that she she create a great illness in the emperor. The emperor died and the whole country fell apart.
But you have to read the fine print!
Some sources say that the emperor “invited” her to court when she was only 7 years old…then…like…later or something “fell in love with her.”
I’m thinking that emperor was a creep…
I’m not writing too much here except to say I feel very strongly about children’s (even yokai children) rights and regardless of how retro-reactive I’m being…the emperor deserved to die…
(Sorry about the short entry on her, the story upsets me…)
#3. Otakemaru
Huge…bigger than Shuten Doji apparently.
So much so that he is considered a “kijin” which implies both demon AND god…neat, right?
This guy was so awesome, they STILL have a celebration in his honor in Aomori Pref. called Nebuta Matsuri!
I found an awesome 3d model of him…I mean…he’s not ferocious (he’s anime protagonist looking) but still, the thing is really great! Oh, I see now, he’s a character from a game called Onmyoji. Which…also…seems pretty cool. Might check it out later.
Basically, Otakemaru has a similar story to Shuten-Doji. Big, magic, horned and whoops…yet another THREAT TO THE EMPEROR!!! Ohhhhhhh I get it now. If Otakemaru was bothering some poor farmer or fishing village…well, we’ll let the locals handle that but if he makes the emperor even raise an eyebrow...
”and then an army of 45k men was raised…and they hunted him and killed him…etc…”
I’ll just say it right now….that stinks of toxic masculinity and patriarchy…I mean…I realize that they didn’t even have a word for toxic masculinity back then but seriously…
But, while we’re on PC words (cause why not) that must mean that the 3 Great Demons were actually the woke-folk…right?
It figures, magical beings have always been wiser or at least more clever than humans.
I get that.
There’s another guy…monster…demon...whatever. He is sometimes substituted for Otakemaru in the list of the 3 Great Martyrs.
A Tengu…Emperor Sutoku. See, again…this is where some crazy patriarchal stuff comes into play.
I found an article on Medium about it actually.
This guy was kinda in line to be emperor and when the old guy died, he sparked a rebellion which failed. Why Tengu? Well, see after his bid for emperor was lost, he became a monk.
When the guy that won did some other horrible stuff to him, he bit off his tongue and wrote a curse against him in the blood. Doing so is apparently enough to turn someone into a supernatural creature. That’s ok. All ghosts are supernatural and they all used to be human…yah?
So there you go…the 3 Great Demons or Yokai or Monsters or Baddies of Japan.
I liken these guys to a 3 pack of really well done briefs. I mean, solid elastic, good piping…the works.
Unfortunately for most people, they’d probably call them a 3 pack of boxer shorts (re:my joke above)
This is my 9th article for Japonica. I’m glad that I can share supernatural creatures (and their underpants) with you here. If you enjoy my writing and would like more, you can catch me on Twitter at @Afterpants1 or on my Wix site.
See you next time,
Taro
