In my life, I’ve always hated making mistakes. Ah, I’m doing some mistake, I hurt myself again yesterday. I cried so hard that I feel my chest hurt. My body are trembling and there’s pounding in my head. I curled up on the floor begging for the pain to stop. I might have to call someone, but instead I just sit still thinking it might be okay to the pain to take my consciousness, to not feel anything.
Each mistake fills me with intense guilt. I feel like I need to cleanse myself, to punish myself for being flawed. I fear that if I don’t make things right and soon these mistakes will turn into monsters that will eventually harm me.
Making mistakes is part of growth, yet each one makes me feel like a failure.
Recently, during a conversation with a friend, he said something that struck a chord with me. He asked why I always put myself aside and pointed out that I don’t need to punish myself for each mistake. “It was a mistake,” he said. “Not something you did intentionally. You didn’t mean it.” He added, “It’s okay; making mistakes is not a crime, being human and making mistakes are inevitable ” His words made me realize how harshly I’ve been treating myself.
When I woke up today, I was struck by a sudden realization: I should have loved my body more. I often wonder why no one seems to notice my suffering or why I fail to acknowledge it myself.
My heart and my body are mine alone — the parts of myself that I have neglected and hurt. It’s perplexing how, amidst everything I care for, my own well-being has been last on my list.
The voice in my head ask me when was the last time I said thank you to myself? When was the last time I said sorry to myself? when was the last time I hug and give myself a praise it deserved?
Our bodies and minds work hard to keep us alive, to make everything work, to find happiness, to be alive. I’ve learned that making mistakes is inevitable. Instead of striving for perfection, now, I aim to be a better person, making fewer mistakes and learning from them, rather than punishing myself for them.
The only person I really need to apologize to is myself. Why do you always blame yourself for things that happen, to the point of hurting yourself? someone used to tell me that she didn’t deserve to feel sad; She felt ashamed because she didn’t even know why she felt that way.
Sometimes, we can’t control our feelings and it’s even harder to cope when we blame ourselves for them. It’s okay to feel sad sometimes; it’s part of being human. But please, don’t let those feelings consume you. It’s okay to experience guilt and take responsibility for your actions.
The birds soaring in the sky must have experienced many falls before becoming experts. Perhaps they are not so different from humans, having felt fear themselves. They might have lost. They have likely experienced numerous falls and even broken wings. Yet, they persist in learning to fly again. Perhaps both you and I need several attempts before we can truly succeed. — Falling and Soaring, You are not Failing
I’ve also learned that, in the end, you walk on your own path. You are the one who makes the choices. The truth is, sometimes no one will notice if you stumble, cry, starve, or feel hopeless. You might find yourself alone in your struggles. Your hands and feet will work tirelessly to earn a living. Your mind will race to find ways to survive. And through it all, your heart will keep beating, ensuring that you remain alive.
So, please be kind to yourself. Start by thanking yourself. Have you ever done that? Try hugging yourself, gently patting your head, and saying:
“You did your best today.”
“Thank you for trying”
“Thank you for holding on”
“Thank you for being alive “
Embracing our mistakes and practicing self-compassion allows us to grow and heal. Remember, you deserve kindness and understanding, especially from yourself. The journey to self-acceptance begins with recognizing your own worth and being gentle with yourself. So, please, be more kind to yourself.
Thank you for reading! If you’d like to stay updated with my latest writings, don’t forget to subscribe to get notifications every time I post. Feel free to contact me at writebyadorasisy@gmail.com for any inquiries or to commission a piece. If you enjoyed my work and want to show some support, you can buy me a flower 🌻: https://buymeacoffee.com/adorasisy.
