Being a Mother
On May 15 2016 I was on the phone with my mom. She wanted to plan a quick trip across the country to San Francisco and I was trying to convince her it wasn’t necessary. My husband Eric was scheduled for a bilateral tonsillectomy on May 17 and we knew the recovery would be about 2 weeks. The first week after surgery you’re supposed to rest in bed, drink lots of fluids, and not doing anything besides take regular pain meds. My mom wanted to come up on the night of Thursday May 19 and help out for the weekend.
As I tried to convince my mom I could manage without her, part of me felt like the help, although not strictly required, would be nice. So, after a good 30 minute back and forth, I gave in and accepted her help. On Thursday May 19, my mom arrived in San Francisco from Philadelphia with a small piece of carry on luggage and one pair of sneakers. After all, her flight home was on Monday so she didn’t need to bring much stuff.
On Saturday May 21 our lives changed forever. If you don’t know why, you’ll want to read this to catch up. I still get the wind knocked out of me thinking back to how I felt when we got the news. I remember walking out of our bedroom where me and Eric first learned the news, and seeing my mom. My mom looked at me and saw I was crying. I told her “it’s cancer” and she told me everything was going to be ok.
My mom never took that flight home on Monday.
Since May 19, my mom has remained at my side in San Francisco. She had to take a leave from her job and put her entire life on pause. Since May 19 she’s been cooking all our meals, doing all our laundry, cleaning our apartment daily, watching my daughter, taking Eric to all his appointments, grocery shopping for us, covering our living expenses, buying my daughter clothing and toys, and a million other things that make this awful situation not so awful. She’s been doing all of this in 1 pair of sneakers because that’s all she brought with her.
This Friday my mom leaves. She’s going home to Philly and returning to work. I’m sad, but I’m no longer scared. For the first time since May 21, I feel like everything is going to be ok. Part of being a mother is preparing your kids to make it on their own when you’re not there. It turns out you don’t stop being a mother, even at 57. Thanks to my mom’s unwavering support, I’m prepared to take on the rest of this cancer journey.
A lot of people have been asking how they can help. Well, I have a way you can help.
Now that my mom is leaving, I’m going to be doing more cooking, especially on the weekends. (All of Eric’s food has to be prepared in house because of Eric’s weakened immune system so I can’t use any fancy food services). If you have quick, easy recipes you recommend, please reply with them or send them my way. Red meat (beef, pork, lamb) is off limits and we’re most interested in healthy recipes (i.e., whole wheat, no sugar, etc). So send me any healthy recipes you love, that are easy to make, and ideally freeze well.
I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention that although my mom is leaving, in her place I’m getting my incredible Aunt Elaine for the next month. Aunt Elaine has always been like a second mom to me. She’s also my mom’s twin sister so my daughter can’t even tell them apart. I’m beyond lucky to have her and we are all eagerly awaiting her arrival.
