Don’t Be Afraid Of Your Anger
— It’s good for you
“Anger is in itself neither good nor bad — it’s what you do with it that matters.”
It’s interesting how people react when I talk about my anger. It makes them so uncomfortable.
We live in a society where positive emotions are celebrated and darker ones are shunned. We believe anger should be taken to a quieter place, such as a counseling room or some hidden support group.
What’s wrong with talking about anger?
It’s amazing how quickly people want to say, ‘there, there, Orla — everything’s going to be okay. They just can’t handle my anger.
I’m fine with talking about my anger, but then again, I haven’t been a person who suffered from angry outbursts, quite the opposite in fact, which makes it all the more important for me to express it.
Anger is not a disease and I didn’t commit a crime. It’s just one of my emotions. My general disposition is one of calm and cheerfulness, but I wasn’t always this way.
In the past, my anger was repressed. I didn’t even know I had any and I’m still working on it today.
Learning how to locate my anger and then express it was a long process for me. This is why I am writing this article — to help those of you who are still struggling with it.
I’ve had angry outbursts, but it’s not the norm for me, it usually only happens if there’s a big trigger. I know people who are angry all the time. I couldn’t bear to be like that. It’s not healthy.
To live without inner peace is one of the worst things I could ever imagine. This is why I choose to look at my anger.
“In fact, repressing anger can actually hurt you. Dr. Ernest Harburg and his team at the University of Michigan School of Public Health spent several decades tracking the same adults in a longitudinal study of anger. They found that men and women who hid the anger they felt in response to an unjust attack subsequently found themselves more likely to get bronchitis and heart attacks, and were more likely to die earlier than peers who let their anger be known when other people were annoying.”
People are uncomfortable talking about anger because it stirs up their own. They may have had bad experiences of “out-of-control anger” in the past or grew up in households where there was anger or even violence. So keeping the peace at all times became a way of life for them.
They developed a fear of conflict, making it difficult for them to be assertive and confront difficult people and situations in their lives.
Nobody likes their anger to get out of control, so it’s good to learn how to manage it. I want to know my anger better and understand it because it’s a part of me and if it comes up, I’d like to know why.
Getting to know and love yourself involves, embracing your anger, rage, sorrow, sadness, shame, and other uncomfortable emotions.
According to Andrea Brandt Ph. D.M.F.T in Psychology Today, every emotion has a message and one of them is that anger helps us to get our needs met.
The benefits of getting angry
- It helps you identify your needs
- It helps you set boundaries
- It drives you towards your goals
- It strengthens your relationships
- It helps you to discharge tension from your body
- It energizes you
- It motivates you to solve problems
- It makes you aware of injustices
- It increases your optimism
- It increases your creativity
- It improves negotiations
- It pushes you to reach your deeper self
The secret is to embrace your anger, get to know it, care for it, and don’t be afraid of it.
