The Lonely Factor
Finding meaning in everyday life, stepping away from darkness and into the present. What defines and ultimately saves us.
Find me on KnowledgeBottle alongside Dumitriu Robert. You too can become a contributor by submitting your thoughts here.
Following the publication of my Dealing with Depression series, I surprisingly received a lot of messages from friends, coworkers and even some distant family members. I am happy to see my writings are sparking a conversation and while I’m feeling a bit vulnerable, the entire process gave me confidence and it makes me proud to know that I contributed to helping others better understand how depression manifests itself.
One particular message got my attention. I will not disclose the full message since it’s quite personal, but the end question was how I find the strength to wake up in the morning and live a normal life.
Anyone who’s been living with depression knows exactly what this question means. It’s such a subtle apparition, such an ordinary thought at first. But similar to when a room is getting darker as the sun is going down and you not noticing the growing darkness in the room because your eyes have slowly adjusted to it, that’s exactly how this question acclimates in your mind and enshrouds your reason. You, my friend, are on the edge, staring nothingness in the face. And it’s so soothing and tempting.
Like I previously wrote, you need to stay anchored in reality. Your self-preservation instinct is shutting down so don’t be alone. Reach out now, just like this person did. You can be in control of your emotions and you can overcome this. Write your feelings down, focusing on what you fear. Why are you feeling down? Why are you sad? It’s usually more than one thing, so make a list. Tim Ferris does it really well: he developed a system for dealing with high-stress environments by documenting his fears.
At this point, you need to figure out what to do with the energy that you’ve been saving to conserve your status-quo. Focus on your work, find meaning in what you do. Inactivity is where depression thrives, so go out and do stuff. For me, working with other people helps. It allows me to shift my attention to someone else’s problems and puts my mind to good use. Or stay indoors and do stuff: sign up for one of these remote volunteering activities.
Aristotle said that we are the sum of our actions, and therefore our habits make all the difference.
Never before has this sentence make this much sense. We are literally defined by our actions and interactions. The moment we stop doing things for ourselves and others we stop existing. The impact you have on those around you cannot even be measured. Your very existence means so much to your friends and family and even to the people you’ve met once. You are a miracle of life, a unique individual in every aspect. What you have to acknowledge is that everything happening in your life may have driven you to this point, but some of them are not even your choices. Learn to differentiate between what’s in your mind and what’s an influence of society.
Take a look at how much we are influenced by our ancestral instincts and how the environment takes its toll on our sanity in this amazing video by Kurzgesagt-In a Nutshell.
Turns out that loneliness, anxiety or depression are the results of external and internal factors. To pinpoint the exact cause can take years and it doesn’t necessarily solve it. But to get a general understanding of how biology and social influences cluster to change the chemistry of your brain can help you figure out which path is best for your recovery. I liked the video below because it explores other components of this global epidemic.
Your existence is not driven by one thing. You are a multitude of reasons. I wouldn’t even attempt to answer the question of how to find strength, because it’s the wrong question to ask in the first place. Instead, consider all the amazing things you’ve done today and for the past years of your life. You are not defined by what-ifs, you are your present self. Embrace that and recognize its immense value.
