German Cake is NOT Okay
Tastes can be Subtle, not Compliments
How can a word that is the same in two languages — AND has the same meaning — cause a misunderstanding? You might be familiar with ‘false friends’, which is when a word looks the same but has a different meaning in another language. It’s understandable when false friends lead to misunderstandings…but ‘Okay’ is a REAL friend! That is, it’s a word that has filtered into German and has the SAME meaning…
…but it’s somehow just a little different. Think of a German (or Canadian, I admit) croissant. For all intents and purposes, they are croissants…yet they never achieve what an original croissant in France achieves. The same, but somehow critically different.
That’s what Okay is, the croissant of the German Language.
If you are starting to learn German, you don’t need to worry or feel overwhelmed that this is ANOTHER major problem that you have to avoid. It’s NOT — for the simple reason that people have very different expectations from someone who is just struggling with the basics, than from someone who has been living in Germany for years.
Remember that people are very forgiving with beginners … until about two years in.
It’s the weirdest thing! When your language skills hit a certain level (and I think this is true outside of Germany, as well), people unconsciously change their rating from ‘beginner’ and make a giant leap right over ‘medium’ or ‘pretty good’, to land on ‘expert’.
They may compliment a beginner, despite any misunderstandings in the conversation:
“Oh, you’ve only been learning German a year and 364 days? Impressive.”
You start thinking that you are above average at learning languages. But then, seemingly the next day, the compliments start to die off. Suddenly, the little misunderstandings that were ignored when you were a beginner (i.e. yesterday), become annoying to your conversation partner. Now the native speaker will look at you with disappointment, clearly thinking: “You’ve already been here two years!”
Confidence crushed.
Lol! But what can you do? Everyone learns at their own pace, and the learning is really one step at a time — even if the expectations are one giant leap at a time.
But back to Okay…it’s a small detail, but I think it might give you insight into how Germans think. Specifically, I’ve decided that you have to learn about Cake in Germany and how to properly express your feelings about it.
Spoiler alert: German Cake is NOT Okay.
SUPERCHARGED MANTRA FOR GERMAN STATE OF MIND
Yes, I’ve developed a mantra that will be useful for both beginner and advanced learners of the German language. To avoid the mistakes that I have made, you can follow my free training scenario that includes the Supercharged Mantra for getting into the German State of Mind.
First, let’s set the stage: imagine you are sitting in front of a piece of German Cake with your German friends seated around a German table. You take a bite — but wait: before you compliment the cake, repeat this supercharged mantra after me (since this is a training scenario, you have time):
Ja! Nein! Ja! Nein! Ja! Nein! Keep going… 4 more… and 3 more… and 2 more …annnnnnnd good job.
Now, if you have repeated the mantra exactly as I’ve taught you, you should already be in the Super Deep State of German Mind. This über-decisiveness is exactly what you need to appraise the cake and decide instantly: Good/Bad? Awesome/Terrible? Ja/Nein?
You should only feel two options. If you feel MORE than two options, you’ve done the mantra completely incorrectly and I’m disappointed in you. For example, you shouldn’t be feeling that the cake is ‘pretty good’. You shouldn’t suggest that it’s ‘not bad’. As you know from the spoiler, the cake should not be Okay.
Go back, think about your mistakes, and do that mantra again and again until you feel like there are only two options left.
And yes, I personally made the mistake of seeing option number 3: the cake was Okay. And then I learned the true nature of the word Okay.
50 Words for Snow, 1 word for Grey, and the Subtleties of the English Okay
First off, I have to explain that English speakers have a very diverse, subtle range of uses for the one word Okay. It is, after all, an English word that Germany has only recently picked up, so you shouldn’t be surprised that the English use is more diverse — and much more common. While basic integration of Okay into German has proceeded well, they have been resistant to picking up on the subtleties.
You might remember that the Inuit have recognized the subtleties of snow and described it with a rich vocabulary. While English speakers see one, boring snowball, the Inuit see a variety of textures and more shades of white than an interior design catalog. (Curiously, but off-topic, the same can’t be said of the word grey in Northern Germany — I had the impression that along the North Sea it was always cloudy and grey. I expected this to inspire a rich vocabulary of up to 50 subtle kinds of grey…but they just have grey. Not into that sort of stuff, I guess.)
Similar to the Inuit, English speakers have recognized the subtleties of answering questions where Yes and No are just too absolute. By using the situation and playing with the intonation, the word Okay can be used for a variety of indirect meanings…I’m not sure that it’s quite 50, but it’s a lot.
It’s best explained with some examples:
“Do you want to quit working and go downtown?”
“Okay!!!” (Yes! Enthusiastic Yes!)
“How’s your new boss?”
“Oookkaaayyy…” (long and drawn out okay: means 70% Yes/Good…but also signals that there is some doubt. The boss hasn’t done anything terrible yet… but you somehow expect them to?)
“Do you want to go to the uncomfortable theatre and watch your brother’s amateur theatre group production for three hours without even a 2-minute oxygen break?”
“Oooookkkaaay” (extremely resistant okay, only 10% Yes because you have nothing to do and you feel totally obligated to support your brother — who often brings you cake. But the answer is 100% — I repeat — 100% NO under ANY other circumstances.)
You see how Okay can be yes! sort-of yes! good! or maybe-good. The use depends on the circumstances and is more feeling than definition. (Note: Okay is not mathematically resistant: e.g. 10% Yes / 100% No.)
Not exactly defined? Mathematically suspect?? These facts should have rung warning bells about using this word while living in a country that knows that definitions and rules are there for a reason.
I DIDN’T COMPLIMENT THE CAKE PROPERLY
Let’s talk about this cake.
Was it a gap in my cultural understanding…or willful ignorance? I’ve been in Germany more than a decade, after all, how could I not have grasped this? Regardless, I screwed up…but just listen to the story from my side:
I admit I wasn’t invested in the cake. It was late afternoon and around the traditional ‘Kaffee und Kuchen’ time when you would take a break, have a coffee, and something sweet. Something like British tea. Nowadays, it doesn’t fit into the modern schedule very often, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t opportunities for a piece of cake in the afternoon now and then.
A German relative presented me with a piece of cake, but I was distracted. Things had to be done, home office never stops calling…I did decide to come to the table, but the cake didn’t look inspiring…
…but dang!!…it tasted really good!! I was surprised, the cake was good enough to get my thoughts off of the work that I wasn’t doing. I was really enjoying it, so I said:
“hmmmm….” I considered, “this cake is okay!” I thought that it was clear from the strong, rising intonation on the Okay that I was expressing the real enjoyment I was getting from the cake. It included the surprise at myself that I didn’t regret taking time off work now, because the cake was so delicious.
Obviously, I didn’t explain all these emotions in detail…I just said an enthusiastic Okay! …. which…unfortunately, insulted the cake provider.
She grabbed the plate away from me, and scowled, “You don’t have to eat it if you hate it.”
omg … she took away my cake(??)…now we were both upset. “But I like it!!” I protested.
You can see why these events made such an impact on me…I didn’t get to finish that piece of cake! A hard pill to swallow. By the time we had discussed what I meant and what I didn’t mean, the cake-provider decided that the emotional wear and tear had earned her the right to finish my piece of cake for me. Sigh, family.
A tragic story that could have been avoided. I want my cake back!
Since then, it’s slowly become clear to me that I would have annoyed most Germans in that situation by saying the cake was ‘just okay’ — it doesn’t matter that I thought I was being enthusiastic. Firstly, the word Okay just doesn’t have the ability to be enthusiastic in Germany. And secondly (but connected), Germans want clear answers and judgments: Ja, Nein, Gut (good!) schlecht! (bad). Okay is not absolute enough for an answer in this situation, so it will be interpreted as negative — or somehow worse.
Listen, it’s German 101 that Germans like to answer Ja or Nein, and nothing in between. You may have understood that with my mantra (btw I lied, it isn’t supercharged). While I knew Germans LIKE Ja/Nein answers, somehow it had escaped me all these years just how much they can DISLIKE answers that aren’t decisive.
It’s just not polite to appear indecisive about how good or bad the cake is. In fact, I suspect — but am not brave enough to try this — that it would be easier to say outright that the cake sucks than to say it’s Okay. From a German perspective, if you say something negative, at least you are being upfront. Saying it’s Okay is maybe…cowardly? Are you hiding something? Why won’t you decide?? Why won’t you say what you think??? The German is confused and doesn’t like that you aren’t being upfront.
Consider this typical situation where you have a legitimate reason for saying that the cake is garbage. It just so happens that your standards are extremely high because you go to a very special bakery that’s only open on Tuesdays for one hour from 7 a.m. to 8 a.m. on full and new moons, and that secret bakery has the very BEST chocolate cake. It’s completely understandable that you hate your host’s cake, because next to your special cake it tastes like garbage. This situation is actually optimal for you, because when you explain the ‘garbage’ evaluation of your host’s cake you also create a new opportunity to schedule a meeting with them to go to the secret bakery together on the next new moon Tuesday at 7 a.m.
Once you grasp this fairly typical situation, you are well on your way to German 102. Hmmm…I often feel like I’ve been repeating 102 for quite some years, and my grade is still just Okay.
From now on, I won’t risk losing another piece of cake: I personally am going to restrict my evaluations of cake to either good or great. Okay is right out. And I’m not socially adept enough to pull off a negative comment…not even with the backing of a Secret Bakery. Fortunately, it’s pretty hard to find bad cake, so the situation doesn’t come up often.
No, I’ll be sticking with what I’m comfortable with: ‘All cake is good cake’. It’s the easy way out, but… I’m Okay with that.
