How a Language Barrier Almost Ruined My Marriage
Misunderstandings, language barriers, vocabulary mix: multilingual relationships require serious effort!
Language is a primary tool of communication, the bridge that connects us to one another.
I work with international relationships daily, whether personal or professional, and language is the bridge that can also become a significant barrier.
When my readers and clients have language barriers, it often leads to misunderstandings, misconceptions, and missed opportunities, causing challenges that can strain even the strongest relationship bonds.
My husband and I are also in an international relationship turned marriage, and believe me when I say that our language barriers have also risked everything we built in the beginning.
We only survived because we work so hard, are dedicated to facing challenges together, and focus on communication despite language and cultural differences.
There are various ways language barriers impact international relationships, but you can defang any potential language barriers and prevent these from ruining your relationship.
What Are Language Barriers?
When marrying a foreigner, the language barrier is something you can’t afford to overlook. Sure, plenty of intercultural/international couples face divorces, and language isn’t always to blame.
Sometimes, even when you’re speaking the same native language, it feels like you’re on completely different wavelengths. But in a multilingual marriage, on top of everything else, there’s that extra layer of linguistic misunderstanding.
Ignoring it can spell trouble in the long run.
You meet your dream partner (like I met Daniel, or he met me, depending on how you look at it), but they’re from another country and speak a different language than you do.
Daniel is German, and I’m Ukrainian.
Oops, now what?
If you are fortunate, you both speak a shared second or additional language like English, which will help you get through some daily interactions.
But that’s not your mother tongue, and you may not express yourself as completely or well as you’d like in that language.
So you end up with a language barrier.
I recall several misunderstandings Daniel and I had when we started dating because of a difference in language.
While I speak German at a near native level, I’m not German, and there are some nuances and colloquialisms I don’t fully get (You can also check out my story: “Why I Regret Trying to Learn German in Just 6 Months”).
And Daniel doesn’t speak much Ukrainian or Russian (my native languages), which meant he didn’t get it when I got frustrated and stormed off muttering in Russian.
Picture this: he’s passionately arguing with me in German, and I’m desperately trying to find the right words to respond in a clever and mature way… but instead, I hit a language wall, and out come curse words in Russian.
Moments like these can quickly push a relationship to the edge.
That’s why it’s crucial to find ways to overcome language barriers — it’s key to keeping the partnership strong and connected.
Why Language Barriers Cause Issues
Speaking different languages is only the beginning.
You think in a language, and your thinking is influenced by values and beliefs that come with that language and culture you were raised in.
The Complexity of Translation
Despite modern translation tools, the subtleties and nuances of a language can be lost.
Words and phrases often carry cultural connotations that are difficult to translate directly.
I keep telling Daniel that he’s not always funny, despite his dry humor attempts.
Yet, when we’re in Germany, his family thinks he’s hilarious.
So his levity gets misunderstood the minute he tries to translate it.
Everyday communication can even suffer when the depth and richness of one language are lost in translation.
Curious about how I learned German? Dive into my experience: Is German Really Hard to Learn? Jein… My Journey
Misunderstandings and Misinterpretations
When people from different linguistic backgrounds communicate, they may struggle to convey their thoughts accurately.
This can lead to frustration and a sense of isolation. In personal relationships, a simple miscommunication can escalate into a significant argument.
I am eternally grateful that Daniel is so patient and level-headed because I turn into a fireball when I feel misunderstood. He patiently keeps explaining until we finally do understand each other.
It took some time before I felt that Daniel was pulling his share in learning my languages.
Yet, we persevered, and our communication has never been better.
Cultural Differences Amplify Language Barriers
Understanding a language often involves understanding the culture from which it originates.
Without language skills, it becomes challenging to fully grasp cultural nuances, traditions, and social norms.
Holidays have been a challenge from the start, simply because Daniel and I have different cultural upbringings.
He values different activities, and he adores heading home to die heimat when October rolls around.
I’ve learned that this is a time for family, beer, and wurst.
The Emotional Impact of Language Barriers
Struggling to communicate effectively can lead to feelings of frustration, embarrassment, and inadequacy.
In personal relationships, these feelings can create emotional distance and weaken the bond between partners.
I recall that there was a point where Daniel and I had an “off” gap in our relationship. Our relationship was suffering because we didn’t always confide in each other, since that would entail translating feelings, which isn’t easy.
Read more:
- 8 Benefits Why You Should Learn a Second Language
- Speak the World: Expert Advice for Polyglot Success
Overcoming Language Barriers: 5 Tried and Tested Strategies
Despite the challenges, there are several strategies Daniel and I found that can help mitigate the impact of language barriers in our international relationship.
1. Learning Each Other’s Language (The Most Effective Strategy)
The most effective way to overcome language barriers is to learn the language of your partner. While this may require significant time and effort, it can greatly enhance communication and understanding.
Even learning the basics can demonstrate respect and willingness to connect.
2. Using Translation Tools
While not perfect, translation tools can aid in bridging language gaps. Tools like Google Translate, Deepl, or even ChatGPT can help to understand and convey basic messages.
However, it’s important to be aware of their limitations and use them as a supplement rather than a substitute for language learning.
3. Cultural Awareness Training
Understanding cultural differences is crucial in overcoming language barriers.
Cultural awareness training can provide insights into the social norms, values, and communication styles of your partner’s culture. This can help individuals navigate cross-cultural interactions more effectively.
We didn’t go through cultural training because, by the time I met Daniel, I had already spent nearly 8 years in Germany and was quite familiar with the local lifestyle, customs, and etiquette. I knew what to expect in our relationship, like not anticipating the same level of flirting as with a Russian man or understanding that for Christmas, small gifts for adults are customary — anything more might be considered excessive.
To give you more context, my sister-in-law Rebecca conducted cultural awareness training in China to help expats adapt more smoothly, and it was a great success — people really appreciated it.
In Germany, there are several companies that offer cultural awareness training and seminars for newcomers, though these tend to focus heavily on career-related adjustments. However, you can also book individual sessions to address personal questions.
This allows you to prepare specific questions in advance about family traditions, customs, etiquette during family visits, and friendships, helping you to better understand your partner’s culture.
4. Hiring Interpreters and Translators
When you really are at wit’s end, you can use a professional interpreter or relationship coach who can help mediate the conflict and misunderstandings with your partner.
Thankfully, Daniel and I never reached this point, but it’s helped several of my clients save their international relationships.
5. Patience and Empathy
Second to learning each other’s language, this strategy is key to overcoming language barriers.
Patience and empathy are key to overcoming language barriers.
Because Daniel is so patient, it’s helped us breathe and respect the effort we both made in learning each other’s languages and cultures.
This has translated to a harmonious relationship with our children too.
Conclusion: No Miracles Needed For Overcoming Language Barriers
Daniel and I are still as in love today as the day we said “I do,” and it’s not magic.
It’s not some miracle method.
It’s all about communication, bridging barriers, and remaining true to each other, even when things get a little lost in translation.
Have you made efforts in your international relationship to translate love into understanding?
Perhaps it’s time.
