The Pressure of Perfection: My Language Learning Failures
“Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.” — Anne Wilson Schaef
Learning a new language has been my passion for many years. I am a language learner and a language coach, and I’ve come to realize that the so-called “failures” in how we speak language are not just inevitable — they’re essential to learning — which is what I write about in my language blog.
Language failures are the stepping stones to speaking better and more fluently.
In my language-learning blog, I share my personal experiences with language failures and how I’ve learned to accept them as part of the learning process.
The language “failures” I’ve made in life have become my best teachers. They are also opportunities for great story-telling.
Essentially, I believe it’s all about the attitude you have toward the learning path and not about the end result.
Do you treasure the pressure of language learning?
I do!
Understanding My Language Failures
When I first started learning new languages, I was eager to get everything right. I believed that perfection was the key to fluency.
The idea of messing up when speaking a language terrified me — so much so that my first semester of French studies was a disaster.
I remember freezing up in class and in conversations because I was so focused on speaking correctly that I forgot to have fun and just speak the language.
My perfectionist mindset was my greatest and only failure. Trying to be perfect was a significant obstacle that stopped me from enjoying the learning process and embracing the natural flow of language.
My inner critic kept telling me that I shouldn’t speak because I would just mangle the French language.
It took me a while to understand that making mistakes, getting tongue-tied, and feeling awkward are crucial parts of learning.
It’s not just okay — it’s necessary.
Messing up when you speak is the best way to highlight areas that need improvement, and I use these mistakes to plan a roadmap of things to refocus on.
Understanding that failures were mile markers helped me shift my perspective. I could now see mistakes not as “failures” but as sources of valuable feedback.
Common Language Learning Failures
Throughout my language journey, I’ve faced several common language failures that many language learners, including myself, have to overcome.
1. Pronunciation Errors
Most people are so scared that they will say words wrong, end up saying something they didn’t intend, and have the proverbial “egg on their face.”
I certainly struggled with some sounds that simply don’t exist in my native language.
However, because I’ve actually traveled to the countries that speak the languages I am learning, I found the locals are really forgiving if you say it wrong and only too happy to help you to say it right.
2. Grammatical Mistakes
Each language has its own set of rules — aka grammar rules. When learning a new language, you’re going to make mistakes.
I think of it as follows: You’re used to driving on the left side of the road in the UK, and then when you visit the US, you drive on what feels like the wrong side of the road simply because you’re so used to doing it a certain way.
I remember mixing up verb tenses and word orders, which led to some amusing — and sometimes embarrassing — moments in French class and when speaking with natives.
3. Vocabulary Misuse
Using the wrong word or phrase in a conversation is another nightmare for beginners.
I remember finding some word uses in English so funny when I began learning. I mean, why call it an organ instead of a wind piano?
It certainly makes “organ donor” questionable if you only understand one meaning of a word or phrase.
4. Cultural Faux Pas
Understanding a language involves many cultural nuances — and if you aren’t sensitive to these, you will fail.
However, learning from these mistakes can help you understand people better.
3 Ways to Embrace Language Failures
Over time, I’ve come to see that failures are not just hurdles — they’re wonderful (if painful) learning opportunities. I’ve learned the most from my failures and mistakes.
Here’s how I learned to befriend my language failures:
1. Mistakes as Learning Opportunities
Once I shook off the initial disappointment and self-judgment at making mistakes, I realized these mistakes would point out where I still had work to do and things to learn.
Instead of being upset, I began to ask myself, “What went wrong here?” and “How can I improve?”
2. Practicing Regularly and Persistently
The saying “practice makes perfect” really does apply to language learning. It’s never a case of “perfection or nothing.”
By doing things again and again, I learned to take more and more successful baby steps in my language learning.
I’ve learned to celebrate small victories, like mastering a tricky pronunciation or using a new phrase correctly.
3. Sharing My Failures
Nobody wants to write about where they went wrong, but yet, it’s in sharing our failures that we can help others carry on learning or give them hope that they too can learn a new language.
I realized that I could share my language boo-boos and guide others to solutions they hadn’t even considered.
The message I constantly reinforce with my students?
Making mistakes is not admitting failure; it’s how we pave the road to learning success.
How I Did It: Two Real-Life Examples of Overcoming Language Failures
When I was learning German, I made a few bad mistakes. German and Russian have a slightly different case system, so imagine my challenges of learning to switch from one system to the other (You can also check out my story: “Why I Regret Trying to Learn German in Just 6 Months”).
I felt like I would never master the difference between these grammatical constructs and that I’d always make the same mistakes over and over.
Instead of giving up, I focused on and reviewed one case at a time and practiced it in real-life conversations.
Yes, I made mistakes along the way, but each mistake helped me understand the slight differences between German and my native Russian better.
Eventually, I climbed the mountain that had been standing in my way to success.
What an exceptional feeling of success!
Curious about how I learned German? Dive into my experience: Is German Really Hard to Learn? Jein… My Journey
My Accent as a Failure
Here’s a story that changed my perspective: When I was a marketing manager at a digital agency in Frankfurt, I was working hard for a promotion and eager to present to clients and make an impact.
But my boss, who was German, told me something that really hurt — he couldn’t send me to clients because of my accented German. I felt devastated, like all my effort to learn the language wasn’t enough.
Then, we moved to London, and everything changed. In the UK, accents weren’t just accepted; they were celebrated.
It wasn’t about how I spoke but about who I was — my personality, my charisma.
That’s where I really thrived. I built a successful career in the online healthcare industry in London, and my accent? It became my signature, making my communication unique and authentic.
What I once saw as a barrier or failure turned out to be my strength.
Building My Resilience in Language Learning
Any language learner has to be resilient.
I’ve developed a few strategies that have helped me be more versatile in my learning methods:
Practicing Self-Compassion
I know I am quick to beat myself up when I make mistakes in any aspect of my life.
And my language mistakes have been no different, until I began reminding myself that I had to enjoy my learning.
And a few spoons of self-compassion certainly helped.
Creating a Supportive Learning Environment
Having support makes all the difference in anything. Language learning means you need people who will kindly help you correct mistakes, learn, and have fun.
So I pick my friends and mentors with care so we can build a positive learning environment together.
I use my language blog to help other language learners create a positive and supportive environment where they can learn without judgment.
Staying Motivated Through Mindfulness
I use mindfulness activities like meditation and journaling to help me stay on track with my language-learning goals.
Meditation helped me learn German, as that’s my meditation language of choice these days.
I currently journal in Ukrainian, Italian, and Turkish to practice organizing my thoughts and improve my writing skills.
I also remind myself to have fun, which is why I love writing crime short stories (Agatha Christie-inspired!) in the languages I am learning.
Read more:
- 8 Benefits Why You Should Learn a Second Language
- Speak the World: Expert Advice for Polyglot Success
Final Language Perfections
Failures are not setbacks.
They are valuable lessons that have taught me patience, persistence, and the importance of regular practice over perfection.
I appreciate the learning journey itself.
Like a kid, I’ve learned to throw my arms up while we rollercoaster through the ups and downs and enjoy the trip.
“Have no fear of perfection — you’ll never reach it.”
— Salvador Dalí
Thank you for reading!
