Delayed vs. Instant Gratification
Interesting Observation on Life Expectations
I’ve read some books on EQ and focus by Daniel Goleman and wanted to share some findings in the context of expectations from one’s life. I will also allude a bit on leadership, which I’ve drawn from Ben Horowitz’s new book. Leadership can help achieve goals, but let’s start first with goals. What are our goals in life?
Our mutual goal is to be happy. A Buddhist interpretation on goals in life is that “happiness is fleeting” and that you should seek out freewill instead. Existence cannot be determined logically but rather experienced either directly or meditatively.
Regardless of how you live your life (whether for happiness or for free will), the easiest way to achieve this is through entrepreneurship. Entrepreneurship resembles a heroic journey akin to that of Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones and Star Trek, and it allows you to pursue happiness. Service to others is the main mission. So how can you service people? You can work in a developing country, pursue a non-profit, teach or leap towards entrepreneurship.
Now how do you start an entrepreneurship project? With passion. There’s no other way than to drop everything and pursue what you’re passionate about. It’s not about jumping through the hoops; it’s about the pull of your passion. Passions change, by the way. Before Nibbol, William and I wanted to build a tea company.
Yet to pursue entrepreneurship requires a strong team. We will blog about our stellar team at Nibbol soon, and I just want to point out that I am really humbled and shocked to be around people like this every day. Without them, there would be no conviction in our journey. It would be like delivering the ring to Mordor without having a Fellowship. Prior to forming a team, you’ll need a melange of focus, determination and courage to seize opportunities. (I’m still working on each of them with a long term plan in mind.)
Let’s start with focus.
FOCUS
Famous psychologist Daniel Goleman talks about the negative generational change in its ability to focus and ways to improve it over time. New generations of 13 year olds struggle to finish the same book that teachers assigned for previous generations for the past 20 years. This is a bit frightening, yet there are ways to train your mind, to create habit, like going to gym. Focus helps develop “flow” and helps dissect signal from noise. Focus provides a lens to pinpoint the right opportunities right smack in your face. It reminds me of one quote .
DETERMINATION
Determination is tenacity and mental aptitude combined. Mental aptitude is the ability to bypass instant gratification, work hard and derive motivation from within. A funny side story: I was looking up a new book on behaviors called “Hooked”, but came across a book on casual sex by mistake.
I didn’t read the latter book, but it references the ability to resist instant gratification (and how casual sex has long term effects on our brain) and instead delay it to achieve long term happiness and most flexibility. It’s similar to the marshmallow test. Think about it. The ability to delay gratification leads to more flexibility. An example of this can be choosing to work in an environment where its resources are limited and learning how to become relentlessly resourceful under such restrictions. That’s what Bezos means when he says that necessity is the mother of invention.
Cushy salaries can soon lead to increased spending, and this can become an addiction to instant gratification. I saw this firsthand even when I first came to U.S. and worked as a bus boy. Bartenders all had dreams they talked about but never pursued them because the ability to make $300 in cash every day was hard to beat. In a way, what people think is stable actually makes you fragile.
COURAGE
Ben Horowitz, in his recent book, says that there is a fine line between fear and courage. Everyone fears, but it’s more about your actions, how you act on your fear. My co-founder defines courage as “confidence with intelligent decision making”.
What I’ve mentioned as “the ability to see opportunities, seize them and be relentlessly resourceful” comes from leadership. There are a couple interesting comparisons on leadership and stages. Randy Komisar compares leaders to dog breeds, different breeds for different stages of the company. Ben Horowitz looks at leadership examples as different kinds of leadership: the ability to articulate vision (Steve Jobs), to find the right kind of ambition (Bill Campbell) and to craft vision (Andy Grove).
Delayed gratification is critical for long term happiness, greater flexibility in life and achieving sustainable goals. Delayed gratification is the foundation for determination. Determination, focus and courage lead people to take irrational decisions and build something of value for society—done through entrepreneurship. That’s where the journey begins. The fun part? The reward comes from the journey, not the destination.
P. S. Notes from my co-founder: “There are some parts that are stream-of-consciousness and aren’t coherent, and that tends to be your style since you have a ton of things running through your mind. Your blog reminds me of a tumultuous river with varying topics, yet in the end, you eventually understand how it flows and where it ends.“ ☺
