I Am An Unwed Mother — Yui’s Fight to Bring Sunshine to Her Life
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This article is part of the 42th issue of LEAP — Voices of Youth e-letter. Subscribe now.
“Originally, I wanted to focus on developing my career, so my feelings were very complex the moment I found out that I was pregnant.” Thirty-year-old Yui was born and raised in Hong Kong. During the pandemic, she became pregnant unexpectedly, turning her life upside down. For many pregnant women who are unmarried, they were often caught off guard about their unplanned pregnancy. While most pursue health and nutrition for their body to prepare for pregnancy and childbirth, it is not necessarily the case for unwed pregnant women.
Yui said that her pregnancy came suddenly without warning. She had never thought about it, let alone taken care of her body in advance. Early on in her pregnancy before she found out, Yui came down with gastroenteritis and flu symptoms, so she took medicine for her cold and gastrointestinal conditions. She did not know then that a little fetus, which she would later name it “Tian Ching”, meaning sunny weather, had been growing within her.
Yui used to work in the insurance industry. She had few customers locally in Hong Kong, and provided insurance services mostly to customers in China or Southeast Asia. At the time, the pandemic was quite severe in Hong Kong, and Yui was prohibited from flying to meet with her customers due to the border control measures of various countries. Her sales performance suffered a lot as a result, as she ended up with almost no customers.
Thus, Yui’s pregnancy became an additional burden to her already less than sound financial situation. “It was a lot of pressure for me because money is required for everything a child needs, such as food and daily necessities.” During the pandemic, she was barely able to survive on her own, but her financial situation was not quite sufficient to pay for the living expenses of two people. Yui felt that she was unable to breathe due to too much pressure from her unexpected additional responsibilities, but she never thought about giving up on giving birth to her daughter at one point. Thankfully, her close friends encouraged her to “follow your heart”, which motivated Yui to keep fighting on for Tian-Ching.
“I can’t remain stuck at this crossroads in my life, I must strive forward,” said Yui.
Unwed mother overcomes challenges one by one: Prompting everyone to adjust their attitudes, including family members, parents, and herself
Yui’s parents also needed some time to adjust their mindset to face their pregnant and unmarried daughter. Yui’s mother was the first person in the family to know about her pregnancy. “My mother was very surprised when she found out.” Even though Yui’s mother found it difficult to accept her daughter’s pregnancy at first, she ended up being the person who provided the most support and assistance to Yui during the process.
“Since I lived by myself, when I was pregnant and began having nausea and vomiting symptoms, my mother would bring me food almost every day after work, even though she had to take care of my father in addition to her job.” Yui saw her mother rushing to bring her some food, while also rushing to leave. Even though Yui felt a little uneasy accepting her mother’s help, support from her own family gave her a wonderful sense of warmth.
Yui was at a loss when facing her father.
“I just didn’t know how to tell my father because he is very traditional. The idea of me being an ‘unwed mother’ is something he would definitely oppose,” she said. “Initially, my father was very angry when he found out that I was pregnant, and even said that he would disown me.” Yui said with a frown. At the time, her father wanted to have nothing to do with her. He would not speak to her, and refused to accept Tian-Ching.
“My father is a traditional man with a strong sense of pride. He felt that an unwed mother is out of the norm, which made him feel ashamed,” said Yui.
In addition to her father, relatives around her also had varying questions and opinions. Yui began to have prenatal depression due to the unfriendly reaction of her father and relatives. Her emotional and psychological well-being tumbled.
Fortunately, Tian-Ching gradually melted her grandfather’s heart. Starting from opposition, alienation, and rejection, Yui’s father gradually transformed. He now wishes to see his granddaughter frequently, which was a big relief to Yui.
There is joy and sorrow along the way.
The pregnancy and birth of Tian-Ching was really difficult. As a result, Yui had an idea to keep a record of her pregnancy and the process of Tian-Ching growing up, so she created a Facebook fan page for herself and her daughter. She hopes that in the future, Tian-Ching will be able to witness her own upbringing by visiting the fan page.
“I always think of leaving something behind”, said Yui. Now she posts on Facebook from time to time, recording the interesting moments of Tian-Ching’s life, and keeping track of her own transformations after becoming an unwed mother.
In addition to photos of joy, Yui also took pictures of the moments when she suffered the most. “I still remember when I was throwing up almost daily, even until blood came out. However, it was during the period when the pandemic was quite severe. So, no matter how nervous I was, I would only look up on the Internet to see what could be the cause,” said Yui.
She also recorded all of her difficulties, whether it was vomiting blood in the early stages of her pregnancy or the massive loss of blood during the process of natural childbirth. Good or bad, all the memories of the past have been recorded, and Yui hopes the fan page would become like a diary for herself and Tian-Ching one day.
After the fan page was set up, she began to receive private messages from other unwed mothers or their parents. Yui felt that the fan page, which had originally been created to discuss Tian-Ching, became even more meaningful. Regarding the development of the fan page: “In addition to posting about my baby in the future, I also want to put up meaningful posts for other unwed mothers or people who care about this group.” She hopes to provide a channel that is accessible, to enhance everyone’s understanding about unwed mothers, and to prevent the spread of unnecessary biases.
Nowadays, Yui receives messages from unwed mothers from time to time. Some of them open up and share all their experiences with the pregnancy process, while others discuss the difficulties of their situation. Yui said that she would give these unwed mothers as much encouragement as possible, in hopes of providing enough positive support and comradery to minimize their negative attitudes.
Even though unwed mothers may encourage each other to overcome their difficulties emotionally, they still rely on the government for financial assistance and support. However, the subsidies currently provided by the government seem too distant for Yui. “The resources provided for unwed mothers are designed to help those who are much younger. Even though the hospital provided a referral to social workers, they refused to help me because I was not in a state of complete desperation, which is totally illogical.” Yui frowned after she spoke.
In Taiwan, government support is available to unwed mothers in accordance with the stipulations of the Act of Assistance for Family in Hardship, which includes emergency living assistance, educational subsidies, subsidies for children, medical subsidies for injuries and illnesses, and subsidies for childcare. However, this regulation only provides for unwed mothers “more than three months pregnant until two months after childbirth”.
As an unwed mother, Yui said earnestly: “This is not an easy path to take, and there is a lot of pressure financially and in daily life. But when you decide to take the walk together with your child, there will be growth along the process.” However, she also stressed that unwed mothers must keep going. Write down all the emotions, good or bad, and hang out with people with whom you feel at ease. Have faith that “everything will work out in the end” because better days are just around the corner.
Also in This Issue: Harder or Easier? The Current Social Situation of Single Mothers
Yui shares with us the joys and struggles of giving birth to her daughter, Tian Ching, as an unwed single mother.
Author : Vivian May
Freelance journalist exploring gender and public issues.
