Game Of Thrones and the Women of Westeros 6/3
“Oathbreaker” — in which I don’t think the oathbreaker in question does any oathbreaking, but a few other people disappoint me.
Previously…
I went into “Home” here, but the previouslies want to remind us of a few things: that Dany is being forcibly taken to the Kahleesi Retirement Village, of the Meereenese prostitute who was killing off the Unsullied, that Sam and Gilly escaped with the baby, that Lyanna was promised to Robert when Rhaegar either “chose” or “kidnapped and raped” her, that Tommen feels impotent and incompetent, that Ramsay killed Roose (no mention of his greater kill of Walda and the baby. SMH!), that “a girl is not a beggar anymore,” and that Jon Snow LIVES!
In a nutshell…
The credits take us to briefly to Vaes Dothrak, along with the usual haunts, but also to Pyke, where we don’t go at all. Or maybe the show had a whole scene there when I turned away to take a sip of my cheap wi… water, as often happens with Pyke.
We open on Davos staring at Jon Snow, who is naked (now might not be the time, but… Yes, please!) and shivering as Ghost whines plaintively. He feels his wounds and starts hyperventilating. He tells Davos he remembers being stabbed, that Olly finished him off. Mel comes in and Davos tells Jon that Mel brought him back. Mel wants to know what he saw on the other side, wants some clue to all the prophesies and lord-of-light mysterious ways, but Jon says he saw nothing. Mel wants answers, dang it, but Jon is too busy freaking out over being DEAD. Davos shoos her out and basically says, “Yeah, I know all this is batsh*t. Who cares about what it all means? Keep keepin’ on, brother, and all that stuff.”
Undead Jon goes out to greet his men, some of whom had been Thorne’s men a day earlier.
Edd hugs him, Tormund hugs him and accuses him of having a small one (I politely request visual confirmation!). The rest of the men look scared as hell.
We then join Sam and Gilly on a ship to Oldtown. Gilly is being adorable (thinking the sea was called “see,” as in water as far as the eye could see, before she could read) as Sam pukes bright green bile. Sam breaks it to Gilly that women aren’t allowed in The Citadel, so he’s dropping her off to his parents, insisting his mom is really nice. She wants to stay in Oldtown with Little Sam (who has his sea legs and has gotten cuter) to be nearer, but Big Sam doesn’t think they’ll be safe. He tells her he is on this mission to learn and help the world, but he really only cares about Gilly and Little Sam being safe. Gilly is moved and agrees, calling Sam the father of her son. Sam caps the lovely moment by projectile vomiting.
Then we join Bran in Flashback Westeros (Flashteros?), where we meet Young Ned again, at about 20, with Howland Reed and some pals (I wonder if Meera will be interested in hearing about her father, show a little spark, but the show doesn’t give us any Meera, damn them), ready to clash with Mr. Sword of the Morning, himself, Ser Arthur Dayne, best swordsman ever apparently, who Ned famously beat.
They’re all at The Tower of Joy, where Lyanna Stark is being held and still guarded, despite this being right after Rhaegar and the rest of his family were either killed or run off in the night. The rebellion is over, but Dayne and his one man are still going to fight off Ned and his four to guard the tower (Dude, he’s her brother!). Dayne’s pal bites it, but Dayne ends up killing everyone but Ned with a sword in each hand. He almost gets Ned, but Howland Reed stabs him in the back, disillusioning Bran, who always believed his father won a mighty battle.
Ned hears a scream from the tower and rushes to it. Bran wants badly to know what’s in the tower, even calls to his father, who seems to hear him (interesting! More on everything below!) before The Raven pulls him out.
The Raven tells him he can’t stay too long or he’ll never return. Bran doesn’t want to come back, doesn’t want to become like The Raven, tied to a tree. The Raven insists he won’t, that he will leave, but not until he learns “everything.”
In Vaes Dothrak, the Khalasar looks happy to be home, except for Dany, who’s being forced into retirement. As someone who frequents many retirement communities in my line of work (Show tunes! Where else could you peddle that?), I feel well equipped to name the place and I shall call it… Grassy Vistas Khaleesi Kommunity (nailed it!).
The High Priestess/activities director at Grassy Vistas has Dany stripped and put into Dothraki leathers, then mocks her idea that she is anything better than the rest of them, when Dany lists her titles. They all had high hopes once, now the best Dany can hope is to live out her days with them, which won’t happen unless it’s decided by the Khalar Vezhven, who might want to punish her for doing forbidden things, like going out into the world. Pfft!
We join Varys in Meereen, complaining about the heat and blackmailing Vala, that prostitute who was picking off The Unsullied. He mentions her son, which she thinks is a threat, but Varys insists children are blameless and he’d never hurt a child, which I actually believe. There’s a twisted kind of justice to Varys and I think a lot of it has to do with the abuse he suffered as a child. He would never deal that out. Anyway, they both know she will be killed if she tells who she was working for, so he offers her and her son silver and an escape if she spills.
Then we go to Tyrion, who we all know is fond of witty banter, but he’s hanging out with Missandei, who only talks when she translates, and Greyworm, who only talks when he’s reporting patrols. He tries to draw them into a drinking game, but they both refuse to drink (and I just realized that I would pay good money to see Greyworm drunk), then starts to try to play it without them drinking, but the concept of games without drinking is flummoxing Tyrion.
Luckily, Varys comes in with the good news — that Vala has spilled — and the bad news — that the Sons of the Harpy were funded by an alliance of Volantis, the Yunkai, and the Astapoor. Greyworm says they’ll just fight them all, but Tyrion says that’s impossible as they will lose Meereen. Missandei says they can’t fight, that “the masters speak only one language. They spoke it to me for many years. I know it better than my mother tongue. If we want them to hear us, we must speak it back to them. May it be the last thing they ever hear!”
That is the most I’ve ever heard Missandei speak all at once. It’s a shame it’s so vague. Everyone else vagues around about it, Tyrion asking Varys if his little birds can get a message to the masters. “Of course. Men can be very fickle, but birds I always trust.”
Cut to King’s Landing, where Varys former little birds (adorable little urchins!) are being bribed with candied plums to switch their loyalties to Maester Frankenburn, saying there’s more where that came from if they bring him intel.
Cersei and Jaime come in after the reanimated corpse of The Mountain, and Jaime wonders about the aforementioned walking corpse, who seems pretty sensitive about slights, asks Frankenburn why they can’t just have him kill off The Sparrow. Cersei argues that Corpse!Mountain can’t kill all The Sparrow’s guys, just one, so I guess there’s a trial-by-combat coming. Then she angsts about people laughing at her misfortunes, so I guess she’s getting some of that Lannister spirit back, to which… Yay?
Then all three go to the small council chambers, where Maester Pycelle is blathering on about Maester Frankenburn and his science projects to Mace, Kevan, and Lady Olenna Tyrell (YES!), who looks mildly amused. He finishes by suggesting Corpse!Mountain is put down just as Cersei, Jaime, and the science project enter. Pycelle promptly farts in abject fear, while Jaime and Cersei try to strong-arm their way into the meeting, but no one’s having it, not even their Uncle Kevan.
When Cersei insists they get revenge against Dorne for Myrcella, which everyone now knows is taken over by Ellaria and The Snakes, who think girl power=kill all men (I would agree with that revenge idea, but that would mean seeing Dorne again, so I just hope everyone there gets fatal dysentery and we just hear about it by raven and they are never heard from again), Olenna says Cersei is no longer the queen and has no place there and Olenna is there legitimately because (her son is terrified of her?) she is there to plead for the sitting queen, Margaery.
Anyway, Kevan and pals go all meangirlz with a twist and, rather than refuse a seat at the table, just move off to have their meeting under the bleachers or something, though Pycelle does wet himself when he passes the growling Corpse!Mountain. At the Sept, Tommen is ordering The Sparrow that Cersei to be allowed to see Myrcella’s grave, but The Sparrow insists there needs to be a trial for Cersei’s sins first. Tommen thinks Cersei went through enough with her walk of shame, but The Sparrow wants to explain.
The guards leave and he tells Tommen that there is falsehood in Cersei, but The Mother’s love shines brightly in her, that the gods work through all of us, even her. “There’s so much good in all of us. The best we can do is to help each other bring it out.” Sure. Okay. Despite his supposed humility and care for the poor, The Sparrow is gaining power and now he has the ear of the current king. I feel bad for Tommen again. Good kid, but easily led by whoever is talking to him at the moment.
Then we get to Arya and a dark, badass training montage. The Waif fights her, she falls a lot, she tries to do menial tasks without sight, talks about her dead family and friends, her “funny little list” of kills, how The Hound was taken off her list because she wasn’t sure she wanted him dead any longer. She was a confused girl. She progresses to fighting The Waif and blocking hits without sight. Not!Jaqen asks her name again, promises to give her eyes back. She insists she has no name and he gives her a drink. She hesitates and he says, “If a girl is truly no one, she has nothing to fear.”
We then travel to Winterfell, where we meet Smalljon Umber, son of Greatjon Umber, who you might remember as the badass who joked around when Robb’s wolf ate a few of his fingers.
He was also the first to declare Robb “King in the North!”
Like the name suggests, Smalljon does not measure up to his father, but I do like him accusing Roose of being “a cunt” and Ramsay of killing him and just shrugging when Ramsay denies it. He says he won’t be bowing and pledging since it means nothing, with how Roose bowed and pledged to Robb Stark before helping to kill him. He says he wants help to beat back The Wildlings led by Jon Snow (the message has gotten mixed up. Dude, The Others are coming! Are you all idiots?). In exchange, he gives Ramsay Osha…
…and Rickon Stark and the head of Shaggydog (*sob*).
Damn it, why are all the Northerners disappointing me so hard? Please let this all be a trick! Actually, on examining that head, I have hope it may be. More on that in notes. “Welcome home, Lord Stark.” Rickon looks terrified, but not as terrified as he should be. Poor little guy!
We go back to The Wall, where four of the stabbers are about to be hung. Jon Snow asks them for last words. One insists it’s “not right” that Jon’s alive (“neither was killing me”), another wants Jon to lie and tell his mother he died fighting The Wildlings. Thorne insists he was right and that he’d do it all over again. Olly just sneers at Jon.
Jon cuts the rope and they all choke, even Olly, which seems to break Jon.
Edd tells him to burn the bodies, but Jon says he should do it, and takes off his Lord Commander cloak. “Wear it, burn it, whatever you want. You have Castle Black.” Edd looks flabbergasted as Jon walks away. “My watch is ended.”
Well, he’s not wrong. It does say the watch ends with his death and, technically, he died. Go with the gods and all that, Jon Snow. Just take Davos with you. I really like him.
The Women of Westeros…
I’m still not fully behind Arya=No One, but I do love a good training montage. Not much else to say.
‘I’m waffling on whether The Waif is Faceless now. She did look pretty pissed off when Arya got a hit in. Maybe The Waif is there to train, maybe on a level above Arya, but Arya is surpassing her. She doesn’t seem happy about that.
I’m looking forward to seeing Gilly deal with Sam’s family. I hope his mother and sister are as nice as Sam says, looking forward to having at least another uncomplicated and good person in this world. I’m also looking forward to Gilly being safe, at least for a while, considering how horrible her life has been. Just the idea of Gilly and Little Sam getting some fresh, country air makes me feel relieved. It’s the little things.
Obviously, Mel’s faith is semi renewed, but she’s now hanging on Jon for answers, and he doesn’t have any to give. The fact that Jon saw nothing beyond death was obviously disappointing to her, and maybe for more than the prophesy confusion. Mel’s obviously been alive a long time, so she’s had more time than most to build up the afterlife in anticipation. Does this mean there is none to look forward to? I’m genuinely interested in how Mel’s faith progresses or regresses.
I don’t really care for Dany’s current state. To see her in the control of others after two seasons of her calling the shots feels like a step backward, both in character development and plot progression. I also don’t like the idea that this council of, presumably, men, get to punish her for going out in the world. Can she just signal Drogon to fry the council and take her away, please?
Not sure what to say about the High Priestess. I don’t think she gets who she’s dealing with, lumping Dany in with all the other retired Khaleesis. This woman has done so much more than marry a Khal. This woman literally has dragons at her disposal and people all over Westeros rooting for her! I don’t think she’s going to end her days playing shuffleboard with you guys!
Definitely a fan of Missandei showing some gumption. It’s a shame I had no idea what she was saying. What language do the masters speak? She said it wasn’t fighting. Is it money? I’m just going to assume it’s money. Anyway, I hope she takes more of an active role in the coming episodes. I’d like to see her gain confidence.
I kind of hated Vala last season, mostly because it was so precious that The Unsullied would pay just to be cuddled… before she straight up killed them! Now I just hope she and her son get away on that boat because I don’t want to see another mother and child torn apart (poor Walda!). I’m just sick of the bloodshed. Boy, am I watching the wrong show. I’m going to have to balance this with something sunny like Kimmy Schmidt.
Cersei has her thirst for revenge back. Yay? I don’t know. Mopey Cersei isn’t my favorite thing ever, but neither is crazy-eyed loose cannon Cersei. I have no idea what I want for Cersei.
I know want I want for Olenna and that’s just MORE. Just one line and a few smirks, but it did my soul good to see her again! I want some garden walks, some sunlit plotting, some snarky put-downs, and I would love to see her talk to Margaery again. It feels like it’s been years. Because it has!
We only got a glimpse of Osha, but I hope the fact that she and Rickon were captured doesn’t mean torture for her. Osha’s a resourceful kind of gal. Now that she’s back, I’d like to see her be a big part of making Ramsay pay. See notes for more on that.
The Bechdel Test…
Between Arya and The Waif and Dany and the High Priestess, we pass. I mean, some of the conversation was about men, but most of it was about where they fit in the world now.
Other Notes…
I’m disappointed that Jon did not come back with any insight or wisdom. I thought, at the very least, that he would have warged into Ghost and have seen the goings-on through his eyes. I still wonder what the book will do, whether there will be nothing on the other side there as well, but I’ll be waiting a long time to find out.
So let’s get into the Tower of Joy tease and what I am — and everyone and their grandma are also — POSITIVE is up there. At this point, the show is ahead of the books, so any speculation I have, though it may be informed by my reading, is not spoilery, but feel free to shield your eyes and PGDN away from the next two paragraphs if you want. But I don’t know what rock you live under if you don’t know what R+L=J means by now.
Lyanna is in that tower and is not being guarded against rescue, but guarded because she is giving birth to Jon Snow, who is the son of Rhaegar Targaryen. Dayne is protecting her because he knows Targaryen babies are being killed on orders from Tywin Lanister, but with Robert’s blessing.
What I don’t get is why Dayne is ready to kill Ned, once Ned was the last one standing. He has to know that, despite what Robert is having done, Ned thinks he is there to rescue his sister. Also, Ned loudly disagreed with Robert killing off children. Why would Dayne think he would hurt her or the child? Hell, Ned is about to claim the kid as his bastard, despite the fact that his wife will spend the next decade or so hating him for it. Then again, Dayne doesn’t know that. Maybe he just knows Ned is in with Robert. Still, Lyanna knows her brother. You’d think she’d have clued Dayne in that he’s a good guy. Then again, these are some bloodthirsty men in this world and we all know women in Westeros pretty much never get listened to. I don’t know. I just feel like a lot of this could have been avoided if people just put the damn swords down and talked. But whatever. Forget it, Ser Jake, it’s Westeros.
It’s really annoying, the misinformation flying around about what’s happening at The Wall, everyone thinking Jon is in with The Wildlings. I wish Jon and others who’ve seen what The Others can do would just be louder about it. The ice zombies are coming to wipe everyone out! Try to get that across!
So Shaggydog does not match up to his last appearance. Rickon’s gotten bigger, so why has Shaggydog shrunk?
In fact, I am convinced that is just a large wolf and not Shaggydog at all. Or maybe I just hope it is. I’m just so tired of seeing Northerners, usually the moral center of the kingdom, as far as custom and honor go, lining up with the Bastard of Bolton. I hope this is all just a ruse, that maybe the house of Umber, along with the Manderlys and maybe the Mormonts, are all working to oust The Bastard and replace the Starks at Winterfell. And Osha and Rickon are just the first wave.
Please?
I am a little disappointed in The Raven this season. His last appearance, he looked very much like a wasted, withered man who was half-tree. Now, he just looks like a fairly healthy old man peeking out of some conveniently open roots.
There’s something about the scene with Tyrion, Missandei, and Greyworm that annoys me. It’s like those near-miss meetings of characters. It seems like it might go somewhere, give us some insight, then chickens out.
Fangasms…
Am I crazy or were there no naked ladies in this episode? I think there weren’t! In fact, we got our requisite nudity from Kit Harrington’s butt.
How refreshing!
I give this episode a B+ for that, for Arya’s training montage, for OLENNA, and for seeing The Tower of Joy, even if it was just a tease. It goes a long way to FINALLY confirming the most widely held theory in the fandom.
Next up: “Book of the Stranger” and “The Door”
Agree? Disagree? Want to tell me about you? Feel free to comment below or hit that ❤ button.
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