The Officially Unofficial X-Files Cheat Sheet

Want a shortcut to getting through nine seasons (and two movies) of conspiracy, angst, unresolved romantic tension, and flashlights? I might be able to help with that. I’ve been rewatching and recapping The X-Files (just finished Season Four), so I am here for you.

AND SO IS SCULLY.

Maybe you never did get into The X-Files, but now you see all your friends getting so excited for the upcoming miniseries and you want to see what all the fuss is about. Maybe you watched it all those years ago and want to give it a rewatch before it’s too late so you aren’t completely lost. Maybe you did watch, but stopped when it got too convoluted (I feel your pain so hard) and are willing to give it another shot before the revival.

BECAUSE YOU REMEMBER HOW VERY AWESOME IT COULD BE!

But oh, no! There is less than a month left! You’d need massive time off, weeks without sleep, and maybe a catheter to dedicate the 155 hours it would take to get through all 9 seasons and 2 movies. Hence, my gift to you in this season of giving: I’m going to break down the seasons into just what you need to know of the mythos, what you want if all that damned mythos meandering is confusing or annoying, and what you might enjoy if you’re just looking to enjoy two impossibly pretty FBI agents being awesome and dancing in and out of romantic tension.

AND, ONCE, LITERALLY DANCING. AW!

Look, I know there are multiple ways to enjoy this show by now. You can be invested in the mythos only (with dubious rewards), invested in the relationship between two excellently fleshed-out characters who desperately try not to fall in love (with verrrry sporadic rewards), or you just want a fun, spooky ride where this amazing duo delve into the weird and unexplained for your amusement.

I’m going to try to cover all of you with this here cheat sheet in the hopes that everyone will find some way to connect so we can all enjoy that new miniseries together!

I am listing every episode I feel is worth your time, whoever you may be. The episodes you need to be an expert on mythology (or mythos) or maybe an aficionado on Mulder and Scully as superior human beings are bulleted. If you aren’t the kind of person that needs to be slavishly devoted to the mythos, then I am also listing what I feel are the ten most entertaining of each season, in case you just want to skip to the goodies. You might feel some minor confusion on skipping certain mythos outings, but maybe you are willing to risk that in the interest of avoiding black oil and beeeees (those bastard bees! You’ll see what I mean!).

Let’s get started…

Season One

If you just want a refresher, you can always look at my recaps, starting here.

• Pilot — Mythos. You need it because it’s a legendary beginning.
• Deep Throat — Mythos. It kicks off the conspiracy.
• Squeeze — You NEED it because Eugene Victor Tooms is creepy as hell.
• Conduit — It’s definitely necessary if you want to understand Mulder and the tragedy that defines his quest.
• Ice — You really want it because it’s a tense and brilliant homage to The Thing and it shows the trust between our fearless duo growing.
• Fallen Angel — Mythos. Max Fennig. You need it.

Eve — Optional, but you may want it because the amazing Harriet Sansom Harris (Bebe Glazer!) is in it, also creepy kids creep me out like nothing else.

• Beyond The Sea — Necessary character moments for Scully and an amazing performance by Brad Dourif.
• E.B.E. — You need it because it’s a mythos-chaser and because it’s the first time we meet The Lone Gunmen!

Darkness Falls — Optional. But you might want it because it’s tense and well-executed.

• Tooms — You want it because Tooms is still creepy as hell and because the Mulder and Scully bonding is priceless.
• The Erlenmeyer Flask — Mythos. You both want and need it. Great finale.

That’s 10 you need and 2 you may enjoy. As for the other 13 episodes of the season, they aren’t all terrible. They just aren’t nearly as good or necessary as those above. I’d skip them if I were you. If you aren’t a nut on keeping to mythos and only want to watch the ten most entertaining, then they would be, in airing order: Pilot, Deep Throat, Squeeze, Ice, Fallen Angel, Eve, Beyond The Sea, E.B.E., Tooms, The Erlenmeyer Flask.

Season Two

If you just want to read up and refresh, my (mildly opinionated) recap is here.

• Little Green Men — Mythos and you need it, if only just because Mulder and Scully have moved on to fully caressing each other by now (Can you tell I’m a shipper yet? — BTW, you should know that X-files fandom coined the term “shipper”… because… *sigh*… Mostly because it makes me feel important for being part of a fandom that coined things. You happy now?).

The Host — You might want it because you’ve probably heard about Flukeman and want to see it in all its glory.

• Sleepless — It’s mythos-adjacent, and you need to meet Krycek.
• Duane Barry — Required mythos part one…
• Ascension— Required mythos part two. And a pretty darned exciting duo.
• One Breath — No spoilers, but you definitely need it.
• Irresistible — Definitely a necessary character episode for Scully lovers and you’re going to meet the creepiest killer, y’all.

Die Hand Die Verletzt — Just a creepy good time. Also hi, Bob “Bulldog” Briscoe!

• Colony — Mythos double feature part one…
• End Game — Mythos double-feature part two. And hello, Alien Bounty Hunter!
• Humbug — You really need it because it’s weird and disturbing and darkly hilarious! Also, every episode written by Darin Morgan is required viewing.
• Anasazi — Mythos finale, like all the finales… and premieres, actually.

There you go. 10 installments you need and 2 you should enjoy. The best watches are: Little Green Men, Duane Barry, Ascension, One Breath, Irresistible, Die Hand Die Verletzt, Colony, EndGame, Humbug, Anasazi.

Season Three

Just want a recap? Right this way.

• The Blessing Way — and…
• Paper Clip — A mythos double-header you may need.
• Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose — You WANT this one desperately. No! You need it! It’s wonderful! From Peter Boyle’s Emmy-nominated turn to all the wonderful comedy and pathos, it’s my second favorite Darin Morgan episode!

Oubliette — From a Mulder perspective, you might want this one for all the Samantha angst and duo bonding.

• Nisei — and…
• 731 — another mythos double-feature and a pretty exciting one.

Revelations — From a Scully character perspective, you might want this one to understand her faith/science issues.

• War of the Coprophages — Darin Morgan episode. Required viewing.

Szygy — A weird and kind of funny episode. It’s not Darin Morgan-good, but it’s neat to see our duo behaving so strangely.

Grotesque — You might want this one if you want to see Mulder in full, off-the-deep-end profiler action.

• Piper Maru — and…
• Apocrypha — Another mythos double-feature.
• Pusher — You need it because it’s awesome and the bond between our duo is tested.
• Jose Chung’s From Outer Space — YOU NEED THIS SO MUCH! It’s my favorite Darin Morgan episode. It even has wee bits of mythos ties. I would be all “If you watch nothing else, watch this,” but you need to have seen other episodes and our duo in action to appreciate this fully. I’ve watched it many times and always find something newly clever and hilarious in it.

Quagmire — It is Darin Morgan-esque and quirky and strange, but mostly worth it for Mulder and Scully bonding while stranded on a rock.

• Wetwired — mythos adjacent and needed.
• Talitha Cumi — a mythos finale!

Okay. I’ve been trying to keep the needed episodes at 10, but I failed here. This is a heavy season and also widely considered the best. So that’s 12 episodes you need and from this season and 5 you might enjoy. If you just want 10 to entertain you: The Blessing Way, Paper Clip, Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose, Nisei, 731, War of the Coprophages, Syzygy, Pusher, Jose Chung’s From Outer Space, Quagmire, Talitha Cumi. I know. That’s 11. What can I say? Great season!

Season 4

Looking to read up on it? Recap is here.

• Herrenvolk — Required mythos opener.

Home — Man, you really want this one if you can handle how disturbing it is. It’s definitely one of the creepiest outings.

Unruhe — Another solid episode that I found enjoyably eerie, though not as creepy as Home.

• Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man — It’s a bit of an outside-the-boxer, but it introduces some mythos elements among the wild flights of fancy.
• Tunguska — And…
• Terma — a mythos double-feature you’ll need.
• Paper Hearts — Definitely evocative and whimsically creepy, also a great episode for Mulder insight with an excellent cat-and-mouse plot.
• Leonard Betts — They chose this one to air on Superbowl night for a reason. It’s a solid outing with a slap of an ending.

Never Again — Just a great Scully episode and full of long-overdue tension between our favorite duo.

• Memento Mori — The episode that won Gillian Anderson an Emmy. Action-packed and poignant. Mythos.
• Tempus Fugit — and…
• Max — a mythos duo that goes back to formula in the best way possible.

Small Potatoes — Mildly problematic in today’s culture, but a funny and clever episode if you can get past that. With performances by Darin Morgan — yes, he acts, too!— and with my favorite voice-over actress Christine Cavanaugh.

• Zero Sum — Skinner-centric mythos episode.

Elegy —Scully-centric. A haunting and sad episode… up until a point. You’ll see if you watch.

• Demons — Mulder-centric. Mythos-adjacent. Some insight into how far he’d go for answers.
• Gethsemane — The season finale. Mythos.

Another season with 12 you need and 5 you want. Sorry. This season really spread the mythos around. For the ten most entertaining: Home, Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man, Tunguska, Terma, Paper Hearts, Leonard Betts, Never Again, Memento Mori, Small Potatoes, Demons.

Season 5

You can shave some time off with my recap here.

• Redux — Resolves a big damned cliffhanger…
• Redux II — a lot.

Unusual Suspects — Want to know how Mulder and The Lone Gunmen came to be such awesome cohorts?

Detour — I don’t think much of the monster in this monster-of-the-week episode, but the bonding between our duo is priceless!

The Post-Modern Prometheus — A weird and fantastical outing with a departure in style and an ending that’s too damned sweet.

• Christmas Carol — The first of a two-parter focused on Scully and a very good one…
• Emily — though the second drops the ball a little, you’ll need the resolution.

Kitsunegari — Pusher is back. This doesn’t pack quite the punch of the first — in fact, it’s nowhere near as good — but it has some nice, tense moments for our duo. Highly optional.

Chinga — An episode from Stephen King, complete with a Maine setting full of quirky characters. Honestly, not as good as most of King’s work or most of the show’s work, but the conversations our duo have throughout the episode are pretty hilarious. I recommend it just for those, actually.

Kill Switch — You know, I mostly picked this one because The Lone Gunmen cameos are too rare, darn it. It’s also a pretty good one, though.

• Bad Blood — Not mythos, but required. It’s hilarious! Just watch and enjoy!
• Patient X — first of a two-parter…
• The Red and the Black — with some headway into the mythos mysteries.

Mind’s Eye — Lily Taylor is in it! I’m pretty much including this just for her performance because she is a shamefully underrated actress.

All Souls — Some more insight into Scully’s struggles with her faith.

• The Pine Bluff Variant — Just a tense thriller with some mythos ties.
• Folie a Deux — You know, I’m going to go ahead and say you need this one, even if it’s a MOTW. Because Mulder has been waffling on whether his willingness to believe is all based on bunkum and balderdash and Scully has been struggling with whether she might be more of a believer and, here, both come to a head.
• The End — Our duo lose a great deal here.

That’s 10 you need from a mythos standpoint and, honestly, 5 you want and 3 that are okay. What can I say? This was a season with some better stand-alones. If you want to skip around to the 10 best… well, I’m going to have to give you 11 because one of my top ten is half of a two-parter that you need: Redux II, Unusual Suspects, The Post Modern Prometheus, Christmas Carol/Emily, Kill Switch, Bad Blood, Patient X/The Red and the Black, The Pine Bluff Variant, Folie a Deux.

The X-Files: Fight The Future

You can read my super-cinematic recap here or just watch the thing!

It’s basically like two good episodes of the show, but with a bigger budget, and with the second episode being much more exciting than the first. Yeah, you’re going to need to watch the movie. Certain parts several times, if you’re me, which I just assume you are…

Season 6

Once again, if you don’t have time to watch, I have helpfully recapped this for you here.

• The Beginning — A fairly good premiere, though a bit of a let down after the movie, if I’m being honest. You need it for your mythos expertise, though.
• Drive— This is where Vince Gilligan showed us Bryan Cranston can sooo do drama, before he REALLY showed us with Walter White. It’s a nice, tense outing.
• Triangle — A creative and interesting time-jumper involving the Bermuda Triangle and some semi-romantic moments you won’t want to miss.

Dreamland 1 and 2 — I went back and forth on including these. One the one hand, they make the first MOTW two-parter and I love Michael McKean. On the other, it tries way too hard to be funny with obvious gags. In the end, it’s an optional outing if you’re in the mood for a light departure.

• How The Ghosts Stole Christmas — A little horror/comedy for Christmas with Ed Asner and Lily Tomlin! I think you’ll enjoy it.

Terms of Endearment —I’m also going to mark this one as optional, but not if you’re a fan of Bruce Campbell (which I really am!). It’s not great, but I never understood why it got such hate, because it’s not bad, either.

The Rain King — Another optional episode that had a lot of hate, mostly for trying too hard to be cute, but I respond to cute and the constant lampshading of Mulder and Scully’s obvious unspoken love for each other wins me over. And I’m just a fan of light-hearted outings to balance some of the mythos doldrums our poor duo keeps getting immersed in.

S.R. 819 —Also optional and mythos-adjacent, but not necessary, unless you have grown to love Walter Skinner.

• Tithonus — Almost a spiritual sequel to Clyde Bruckman and a darned good one, though not as funny. Definitely heavier on the tragedy than the comedy, but a great watch.
• Two Fathers — First of a two parter that…
• One Son — Well, it signals an end of sorts. One that could have led to a rather exciting endgame if only… *Sigh* Best not to think about it.

Monday — Groundhog Day comparisons abound! But I found this one a very entertaining watch, with lots to love in how well they balance humor and pathos.

Arcadia — You know, I’m biased (as you can see from how many of my gifs have romantic undertones), but the premise of Mulder and Scully posing as a married couple just sings to me!

Milagro — Another episode that is highly optional, but the shipper in me wants you to watch it just to see the Scully worship and the shipper feeeeeels!

• The Unnatural — An alien who just wanted to play some baseball. It should be a silly premise, but it plays out so earnestly that you can’t help but be charmed by it. Also, that ending scene is likely in my top ten moments between our adorable duo ever!

Three of a Kind — Missing The Lone Gunmen? Want to see Scully drugged up and silly? Well, here you go. I’m not saying it’s the best episode ever, but it has its moments.

• Field Trip — When they say “trip,” they mean it. It plays all kinds of tricks on you and on our duo and it’s definitely one you have to see.
• Biogenesis — A mythos finale (of course!) that… I’m not even gonna lie, people. At this point, I was burned out on mythos and just wanted to see Mulder and Scully investigate stuff and be awesome together and I think the show started feeling the same way because this season had the least mythos episodes of any season and a few too many good stand-alones.

That’s why my list is so big with the options, 10 necessary episodes, 4 I’m sure you’ll enjoy, and 5 optional episode that I’m not quite sure you’ll like, but if you want to… you know. Either way, my personal 10 most entertaining would be (still in order of airing): Drive, Triangle, How The Ghosts Stole Christmas, The Rain King, Tithonus, Monday, Arcadia, The Unnatural, Three of a Kind, Field Trip.

Season 7

Should you prefer to read all about it, my recap (much ranting included) is this way.

• The Sixth Extinction — Well, it’s mythos…
• The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati — and so is this one. Honestly, the best part, for me is the ending. The rest, I could take or leave.

Millennium — There is only one reason this episode ranks and it’s the ending, so you can feel free to skip to that. It tries to be both a backdoor-finale for Carter’s other show, Millenium, and an MOTW for The X-Files, but doesn’t quite succeed at either. But that ending… you need it.

The Goldberg Variation — Our duo investigate the luckiest man ever and it’s very clever.

Orison — The return of Donnie Pfaster… except not nearly as compelling. Squeeze/Tooms managed to squeeze more menace out of its monster. The Pusher/Kitsunegari pairing was okay. This one… Well, it’s just not nearly as good, though Scully’s endless resourcefulness was pretty badass.

The Amazing Maleeni — Opinions were mixed back in the day, but I like a complicated con and the playfulness our duo displays.

• Sein Und Zeit — Part one to a mythos double-header that give us and Mulder…
• Closure — Yes, closure as to a series-long mystery. And, you know… Look… I just…*sigh*… You know, you need it. I’m just saying that, in a fictional universe with limitless possibilities, this didn’t have to be the resolution. Maybe you think it’s brilliant and I’m the asshole. Either way, both are well-done episodes.
• X-Cops — Thank God! I’m just going to call this creative, quirky, and weird outing required viewing because I needed it to remind me that this show, while it might drop the ball on resolving its mysteries in a satisfying way, also can DELIVER a weird and wonderful hour when I need it. Yes, the cameramen of Cops (one of the original reality shows, for you younguns) come across our duo on the case. It’s weird and delightful and stupid and awesome and a great palate-cleanser.

First Person Shooter — You might want this one (super optional) because you really miss The Lone Gunmen. Is it a great episode? No. It’s super-dated, which is ironic considering how far ahead of its time it tries to be, but it has some moments I still remember.

Theef — a nice, scary outing. Probably one of the first genuinely creepy ones in a good while, too.

• En Ami — Do you want to see Scully and The Smoking Man take a road trip together? What am I saying? Of course you do!

Chimera — another satisfying creepy outing. Not perfect, but not bad. Optional.

• All Things — You know, you can love or hate this outing, but you need it. Maybe you need it as confirmation of the relationship between our duo and maybe you need it because… Look, it’s a meandering thing but, much like Scully, it leads us to something we need to know between the first scenes and the last.
• Hollywood A.D. — Do you want to see our duo’s adventures on the big screen, brought to life by Garry Shandling and Tea Leoni? Of course you do. You also really want to see Skinner in a very unapologetic bubble bath. You almost need no other reason to watch this.
• Je Souhaite — Genies, Idiots, trying to find the perfect wish… Look, it works.
• Requiem — Some people consider this a series finale. If it is, then it’s a hell of a cliffhanger. Either way, it’s a terrific episode.

There we go. 10 you need, 4 that, IMO, are definitely worth your time, 2 that are optional, and one where you just want the ending. On that note, if you only have time for 10, they should be: The ends of The Sixth Extinction II and Millennium, The Goldberg Variation, The Amazing Maleeni, Sein Und Zeit, Closure, X-Cops, Theef, En Ami, All Things (just the beginning and end if you’re shipping Mulder and Scully hard by now, the rest kind of tried my patience), Je Souhaite, Hollywood A.D., Requiem. Yeah. That’s technically 10.5 with those other bits I tacked on, but I am a strong shipper and maybe you are, too, and don’t want to miss our duo crossing some very important lines.

And now it gets harder because I really want to tell you to skip most of the next two seasons, but there are some episodes that are worth your time… and even more that aren’t. This is actually a very different show you’ll be watching, so I will be sparse on the details so as not to spoil if you’re reading this as a complete X-Files virgin.

Season 8

• Within — Part one. Meet John Doggett.
• Without — Part two. Maybe you kind of appreciate John Doggett, despite your feelings of loss and bitterness.

Via Negativa — A solid MOTW, under the circumstances.

The Gift — In case you want to see a certain absent person. I don’t love it or the retcon I consider at its heart, but it’s mythos adjacent. Also, there is a Lone Gunmen cameo.

• Per Manum — Watch if you want to see that certain absent person some more, also hearkening back to Memento Mori.
• This Is Not Happening — A return of sorts. Also, meet Monica Reyes. And hey! Remember Jeremiah Smith?
• Deadalive — You definitely need this one, just try not to strain your suspension of disbelief for most of it.
• Three Words — Lots of mythos here. That’s a good or bad thing, depending on who you ask (don’t ask me. I found it teased my expectations only to test my patience).

Empedocles — Insight into Doggett with Mulder being newsy. I mean, look, Mulder’s in it. Just watch for that and ignore the lame (IMHO) resolution and even lamer MOTW.

• Vienen —Did you know the black oil was chocolate syrup mixed with molasses? Sounds tastier than it looked on-screen. It’s actually a good one, even if it does contain black oil.

Alone — It has some cute moments and is a bit of a tribute to fans, in a way.

• Essence — The return of Krycek and the anticipation of a certain blessed event. Part one…
• Existence — Part two. The blessed event, itself.

That’s 10 you need for the mythos here and 4 you may want. If you just have time for 10, then: Within, Without, Via Negativa, Per Manum, This Is Not Happening, Deadalive, Three Words, Vienen, Essence, Existence. I’m not saying they are all good, but you could basically watch just those 10 and get the gist of season 8 fully.

Season 9

You know, I’m very tempted to tell you to forget most of the season and skip to the finale. As you know, someone is missing and this season is like a birthday party where the guest of honor hasn’t shown up, where there is not a second that goes by where someone doesn’t mention the absence.

I KNOW! *SOB*

We’re all trying and failing to get over it and have a party, but we know something’s missing and it’s rare there’s a moment that’s good enough to help us get over the fact that we can’t have cake until that birthday bastard shows up! But there is still another guest at the party who is equally important.

A FLAWLESS QUEEN PLAYED BY AN AMAZING ACTRESS, LEST WE ALL FORGET.

So I will try to treat this like any other season for her sake.

• Nothing Important Happened Today I/II— Well, you need it if you’re going forward… and its conclusion, too. Also Trust No 1 ( I know, Scully, I miss him, too! I needed this episode, if only so it could break my heart!)

John Doe — A pretty solid episode in a season lacking them, if I recall correctly.

Hellbound — Also okay.

• Provenance — Mythos double feature starts.
• Providence — Mythos double feature concludes.

Audrey Pauley — I guess you want it if you’re shipping Doggett and Reyes by now. It’s not bad… not great, either.

Improbable — Burt Reynolds plays God? Okay. Still, it’s surprisingly light in this season of darkness and deprivation.

• Jump The Shark — Remember how The Lone Gunmen had their own show? It didn’t work out so well. And this episode tries to give it a finale with dubious results.
• William — I just want to give Scully a big hug.

Release — A bittersweet resolution for Doggett.

Sunshine Days — I can’t remember if I loved or hated this episode, but it was likely both. I don’t know. Seems like it’s trying to pull a Je Souhaite, giving us something light before the finale, but it doesn’t work as well. Maybe it’s just the timing. If it were a sort of silly MOTW at any other juncture, I’d be okay (bad green screen aside), but it just seems trivial with what’s coming. Still, it’s nice to see Ben from Lost before he became so sneaky and power-grabby and I also have a thing for The Brady Bunch… Well, the movie versions.

• The Truth — a two-hour series finale that attempts to tie up all the everything-but-the-kitchen-sink mythology with a well-explained bow. Does it succeed? You know, I don’t think anything could by then… or now… or ever. But there are quite a few scenes I loved and still hold close, both as a certified shipper and someone who cared about these characters more than was healthy. At that point, I just wanted to see an ending that made me smile and cry. Whatever you think of the rest, the final scene is perfect. I hope you think so, too.

That’s just 9 for your mythos needs (even with The Truth counting double) and 6 you might want to give a watch. If I have to break it down into just 10 (and there will be some confusion as I’m skipping the season opener where a certain someone disappears): Trust No 1, John Doe, Audrey Pauley, Improbable, Jump The Shark, William, Release, Sunshine Days, The Truth 1/2.

Be aware that these are only good episodes within this season and none of them are as heartily recommended as episodes in pretty much any previous season.

The X-Files: I Want to Believe

You know, I’m going to give all of us permission to go ahead and skip this one. If you’re insane about the Mulder and Scully relationship by now, you might want this for a few key moments…

…or just to visit with our duo in this time between the series and the new miniseries. But nothing happens that you need to know. It’s like a double monster-of-the-week with great production value, but nowhere near as good a story as most of the MOTWs the series gave us.

Either way…

Whatever way you have come out of this (mythos expert, relationship expert, or just in it for funsies), you are now ready to enjoy the miniseries.

Next Up: Continuing my recaps (mostly for those of us who have seen the show, so spoilers ahoy!) with Season Five.

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All images from The X-Files are property of 20th Century Fox Television and Ten-Thirteen Productions. I can’t even begin to catalog the ways I rabidly hunt down gifs, but I get a large number of screencaps here.