How to Adopt 7 Important Attributes of Trans Teens to Improve Your Life
And why you should.
Since my son has come out as transgender I’ve been fortunate enough to meet many other trans teens and young adults through support groups and social clubs. I’m a better person for having gotten to know so many amazing young people.
I’ve noticed many things about my son’s friends. While I don’t assume the small group I’ve had the pleasure of being exposed to is indicative of every single transgender youth, I can share with you the lessons from the few I’ve gotten to know better. They’ve changed my life.
The characteristics I’ve noted in these individuals I’ve tried to apply to my own life and I’m a much happier person for it.
1. Resilience
Some of my son’s transgender friends have been discarded by their families as if they were broken things. And yet they have an insatiable appetite for moving forward, learning new things, meeting new people, living life.
They surround themselves with a new family — friends who accept them and love them for who they truly are. They find others who just want to live authentically as well and they lean on each other for support.
These kids roll with the punches because they’ve learned they have no other option. So they keep going. They keep living the best version of themselves they know how to be.
Resilience isn’t a single skill. It’s a variety of skills and coping mechanisms. To bounce back from bumps in the road as well as failures, you should focus on emphasizing the positive. — Jean Chatzky
The takeaway:
Resilience can be learned. It isn’t easy, but it’s worth your effort. Resilience gives us the courage we need to keep moving forward. To be the best versions of ourselves in spite of the bad we’ve experienced.
So, pick yourself up after that next fall and keep going. Surround yourself with those who will help you stand again. Interact with those who have the resilience you want to have.
2. Courage
In a world where their identities aren’t always accepted or even legally permitted, many of these youth are brave enough to live authentically.
So many transgender individuals are confronted with abuse, ridicule, discrimination, and violence on a daily basis. I can’t imagine having the courage to stand up for myself against so much adversity.
We should all strive for more courage in life. Courage to do better and be better so we can all live better.
Courage ignites change for the better of us all.
The opposite for courage is not cowardice, it is conformity. Even a dead fish can go with the flow. — Jim Hightower
The takeaway:
Humans are smarter than sheep. Don’t be a sheep and simply follow the masses. There are many flocks not worthy of joining. Many who would rather do harm to others. Don’t join those sheep.
Life is too short to allow your mind to be poisoned by discriminatory sheep.
Be brave. Choose to stand with those who respect and accept all human beings in spite of the adversity from others.
3. Confidence
We all have insecurities. And when you’re a teenager and your hormones are driving the roller coaster you’re riding, and you’re exploring your own sexuality and identity, and you feel the pressure of trying to figure out what you’re going to do after high school, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by insecurity.
Yet, many of these youth who visit my home seem to have more self-confidence at fifteen than I ever did at twenty-five. They’re sure of what they like to wear, and watch, and read, and discuss. They openly express opinions on world events and politics.
It seems to me the more you explore your identity, the more it solidifies your self-confidence. Maybe it stems from the amount of courage it takes to come out?
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ — Eleanor Roosevelt
The takeaway:
I’m certainly not saying that trans folks never doubt themselves. But I think they — like many of us — gain self-confidence as they learn and understand more about themselves as individuals.
Learning who we are is a lifelong process. We should strive to learn more about ourselves as well as others in order to adopt the confidence we need to live authentically and happily.
4. Creativity
There seems to be a parallel of creativity with being transgender. I realize this might sound like I’m over-generalizing but hear me out.
The majority of the trans youth I’ve met and gotten to know are passionate about artistic endeavors of all kinds. Some of them create digital art, others paint on canvas and sculpt Wiccan deities. There have been several who enjoy writing — fiction, poetry, and nonfiction. A few of them have created an entire comic book series.
Of course, most of them don’t make enough money from their creativity to live off — yet. They’re tenacious in their pursuits and whatever creative path they follow I have no doubts it will be beneficial to them — whether financially, spiritually, emotionally, or something else.
I admire these youth who can get so lost in their art.
Art, freedom, and creativity will change society faster than politics. — Victor Pinchuk
The takeaway:
It’s possible to become more creative through practice. Give yourself some time each day to create something — anything — new and exciting. It doesn’t need to be art or writing.
Plant a flowerbed, build a bookshelf, decorate a cake or your room, sew a pillowcase, make up a new game to play with family and friends.
Creativity has no limits. It has the ability to spark something inside you that can help you change your life — or possibly the world.
5. Understanding it’s okay to ask for help.
Most of the transgender youth I know see a therapist on a regular basis. None of them are shy about admitting it either. I suppose it comes with the territory of exploring your own identity and how you’ll navigate the world around you regarding that identity.
Therapy and self-care used to be taboo subjects. They were things ‘normal’ people didn’t do. But today, we understand the importance of both self-care and asking for help when we need it.
I used to think that if someone asked for help, they were weak. But the toughest thing I ever did was reach out and ask for help. And that was when I started to heal. — Jimmy Barnes
The takeaway:
Nobody gets through life alive. Asking for help is necessary sometimes and that’s okay. It means you’re human. It means you value doing things right rather than giving up and doing nothing, or the wrong thing.
When you need help, ask for it.
6. Empathy for Others
Empathy is an undervalued characteristic many people unfortunately lack. It feels so easy to slip into the roles of judge and jury when considering other people’s lives, decisions, and ideas.
My son and his friends accept people as they are. They don’t assume anyone is a certain way. This leads to much stronger friendships and self-confidence.
These youth want to feel accepted for who they are so they extend that idea to everyone else. Empathy fosters acceptance.
Empathy is about finding echoes of another person in yourself. — Mohsin Hamid
The takeaway:
Cut out the gossip and judgment from your life. Stop assuming how others should act, talk, look, and speak. Start accepting others as they are.
Know that empathy takes practice.
As you purge yourself of the bad habit of judging others, you’ll realize how much negativity it weighed on your mind and being. You’ll feel much lighter and happier having rid yourself of gossip and judgment.
7. Tolerance
Some of these kids have to deal with a lot of abuse — mental, emotional, and physical. Some of them put up with bullying at school and even at home.
Many of them don’t fight back in the same way as their abusers. They don’t degrade, bully, or belittle. Most commonly they speak up for others before speaking up for themselves.
My son once told me, “Some people are just assholes, and that’s okay. I don’t let it bother me.” This seems to be a common opinion among most of his friends.
Tolerance is giving to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself. — Robert Green Ingersoll
The takeaway:
It’s not always easy to be tolerant of others, especially when they hold opposing beliefs or opinions. But we ultimately get back what we give others throughout our lives.
It’s far too easy to be argumentative with others when their views don’t match our own. But the quicker we are to argue, the less likely we’ll win anyone over to our way of thinking.
Being tolerant fosters an understanding of each other. Practice being more tolerant and accept people as they are.
So many trans teens have the courage to live authentically despite the naysayers who might surround them. Their resilience, confidence, and creativity help them be the amazing individuals they are.
Understanding that it’s okay to ask for help, and that empathy and tolerance are vital to living a happy life are commendable attributes especially in those so young.
I owe the young people in my life more gratitude than I will ever be able to express. They have opened my heart, improved my mind, and bettered my attitude toward this one life we all get.
Here are 10 Questions Every Parent Should Ask Their Transgender Teen.
Zada Kent is creator of LGBTQueer-ies & proud parent to her transgender son.
