Choosing your health proxy

The idea of being in a hospital is scary. Not being able to explain what your wishes and priorities are is worse.

There may be a situation where you’re unable to make decisions. For example, you may be unconscious. Maybe your brain isn’t working as it should. If that happens, you need someone who you trust, who can speak for you. That person is your Health Proxy.

In this article, I’ll take a look at how to choose your proxy, and how to make sure they know what your wishes are.

What is a health proxy?

Imagine you are in a car accident, and you are unconscious. That means you are not able to share your wishes and opinions with your doctors. The doctors will by default do everything they can to nurse you back to health.

There may be situations where it is impossible to get you back to your old self. If that is the case, somebody needs to make some tough decisions. To do that, they need to understand what is important to you. These priorities are different from person to person. What is a good quality of life to you, may be unbearable to somebody else, for example.

You will sign a document. This document gives your health proxy the power to make decisions for you. Of course, there will be some limitations. The proxy will only be able to make decisions if you can’t do it yourself. Also they can’t decide on something that you have said you don’t want.

In some situations, there may be two possible treatments to help you. If you can’t choose between them, the doctor will explain the treatments to your proxy. They will explain the advantages and disadvantages of each. Your proxy will use all the knowledge they have about you to decide.

We usually use a car accident as an example, though, because it’s something most people can relate to. There are other medical situations where you are unable to speak your mind.

Being somebody’s health proxy is a difficult job. Doctors may ask them a question that is hard. The answer could mean the difference between life or death. This is why it is so important to choose the right proxy for you.

A health proxy is also known as a medical advocate, and is also called a medical power of attorney.

How to choose a good health proxy

I hope you now know what a proxy is. Let’s take a closer look at what you should look for in a proxy.

They should be near. When doctors need to talk to a proxy, the clock is ticking. It is helpful if your proxy lives close to you. If they live half-way around the world, in a different time zone, it can take a long time to get to you when you need them.

They can’t be shy. Your proxy needs to be somebody who is willing to pick a fight for you. Sometimes, doctors may try to convince you to do something you don’t want. If you’re able to argue your own case, you can make your wishes known. If you are unable to make your wishes known, that task falls to your health proxy. The doctor may try to talk your proxy into something you wouldn’t have wanted to happen. Your proxy needs to be bold enough to say “no”, push back, and insist they follow your wishes.

They will respect your wishes. Above all, you should pick a proxy who will respect your wishes. If you disagree on something about health, that is OK, of course. It is still important that they are pushing for what you want, even if it is different from what they want for themselves.

How do you ask someone to be your health proxy?

If you have a list of people in mind who you think would make a good health proxy, the most important task begins. You have to ask them.

Asking someone to act as your health proxy is an honor, but also an important favor.

In particular, talk to your potential proxy about:

• Whether they understand what the task entails.
• Whether they are willing and able to take on the task if needed
• Whether they are willing to advocate for you even if they don’t agree with your wishes.
• Your Advance Care Directive.

The latter in particular is crucial.

Your advance care directive will help guide your health proxy. Advance care directives are also known as a living will. It is a document where your opinions about certain medical issues are written down. It can have details about what kind of medical treatment you want or don’t want.

Your proxy will also use everything they have ever spoken to you about to guide them. They’ll use your values, your opinions, and any conversations you have had about health. In other words: You will want to choose someone who you are comfortable talking to, even about difficult topics.

The more you talk about these issues, the better. The more completely you document your wishes in your advance care directive, the more value the document has. This helps you because your wishes will be followed. It also helps your proxy, because they can make decisions with greater confidence.

It’s often better to over-discuss than under-discuss these topics with your health proxy. If they need to make a decision and aren’t sure what you would have wanted, that causes stress. You can avoid that by making sure you talk about your wishes in great detail.

This blog post is at a 5th grade reading level. We think that’s important.

Check out LifeFolder to learn more about planning for the future of your healthcare.