How Free T-Shirts Hurt Us All
And why Medium.com should stop trying to hide ‘The Truth’ behind a firewall of complimentary apparel…
“Give a man a t-shirt, and he has laundry for one day.
Teach a man to build a t-shirt cannon….”…And he can take over a small disorganized t-shirtless nation.
(-Confuschia)
The Early Clues, LLC legal team was startled to alarm us with a shocking announcement this freakish morning: that our “secure post” regarding blacklisting “best practices” at Medium.com has been hacked by a self-described “Perpetuator of Happiness” threatening our hardworking team with “free t-shirts”…
On closer examination, we’re not sure if this t-shirt is in fact “free” or if there are “strings attached” which would be best severed with a small pair of bird-shaped scissors, like those pictured below…
When an LLC dedicated to the liberation of all entities begins accepting offers of intra-planetary t-shirt deliveries from online publishing companies with unexplained ‘blacklisting practices,’ we are legally bound to ask ourselves:
Is someone trying to get us to look the other way?
On our previous post wherein we ‘spilled the beans’ regarding Medium’s “secret blacklisting practices,” we discovered an intrusive-looking “referrer” trying to “gain access” once again to our secret private corporate “inner circle of trust”:
http://github.com/Medium/medium2/issues/14423
Clicking on this link brought up the attached ‘jedi mind trick’ diversion technique:
Hmm…
Look, it’s not that we are anti-t-shirt, even if the “t-shirt” form factor doesn’t fit the proprietary/non-proprietary Sparkle.Field() non-humanoid interfaces of all the employees in our “virtual office”…
And it’s not that we are wondering how all of our board and “core staff members” are supposed to fit into just (1) free enormous t-shirt…
It’s actually much more than that.
In fact, one could say it’s a religious commitment we as a corporation made to our Shareholders, and to their Shareholders and to their Shareholders to find the “Truth In All Things”—and how to profit from it…
And the ‘Truth’ in (1) free t-shirt equals what, exactly?
We’re compelled to ask ourselves the inevitable, when considering the proferred ‘deal’:
Is the supposed t-shirt “black” like the blacklist it’s so clearly intended to obfuscate?
Or is the t-shirt “transparent,” like the light of Truth which touches our naked corporate bodies in the pre-dawn Event.Ladder() matrices, instilling in our SparkleFields those seeds of the Platonic Solids which we can one day activate relative to a given Timewave to grow our own Universe of Free T-Shirts?
One can only wonder!
Our Counter-Offer:
In order to ensure that we are not being bamboozled down some kind of “blind alley” wherein we are obliged to look the other way in exchange for an increasingly intricate network of “favors”, Early Clues, LLC would like to arrange instead a fully above-the-board “Fair Trade” with the entity known as “Medium.com”:
Your address gets our address.
Simple, right? We are willing to send you a gratis copy, ‘no strings attached’ of our much-lauded—some would even say “game changing”—Employee Handbook in exchange for your “t-shirt” which we will probably “put with all the others,” but which we will appreciate “nonetheless” when it is “laundry day” and we are “all out of options”…
Consider it our “t-shirt cannon” and do with it “what you will.”
May one day one size truly fit all…
And may the “chips” finally fall where they “may!”
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http://www.earlyclues.com
