7 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Younger

I’m a late bloomer. I was the last one of my friends to hit almost every milestone, from getting my license to getting a boyfriend.

Now that I’m in my 30s, it’s like all kinds of wisdom has suddenly been bestowed upon me. Sometimes I look back and think, “Why didn’t I figure this out sooner?”

Of course, better is late than never, and we all have the benefit of learning from each other. Here’s a short list of things it took me too long to learn.

If All You Seek Is Approval, You’ll Find a Life You Don’t Recognize

There’s a powerful moment at the beginning of Eat, Pray, Love when Elizabeth Gilbert looks around at her home and all the things that define her life, questioning how they came to be.

“I had actively participated in every moment of the creation of this life — so why did I feel like none of it resembled me?“

As a 33-year-old at a critical juncture in life, I know this feeling all too well. Looking back, I realize many of the decisions I made, especially in my early 20s, were out of a desire to earn someone’s approval.

Big Catholic wedding? Check.

‘Safe’ first job in a small town a few hours from friends and family? Check.

House within walking distance of my husband’s high school? It’s a good house, but…Check.

Don’t get me wrong, my life is good.

My husband and I have been married almost 11 years now, and he really is my best friend. It’s happy. It’s comfortable. I have a great job, a family I’d still drop everything to go hang out with, and amazing friends.

I’m #blessed.

I’m just old enough now to recognize that some of my motives were a little off.

Every ‘Yes’ Means Saying No To Something Else

People who seek approval above all else obviously have a problem saying ‘no’, but even the most diligent, goal-oriented people tell me it’s a struggle.

Throughout the day, we all have small (or big) fires to put out and little requests that distract us from what’s really important. We want to help when we can, but sometimes we have to be selfish with our time or those big-picture goals will always elude us.

If you need help prioritizing, try this 100-year-old trick known as the Ivy Lee Method. It’s simple: Make a list of the six most important things you want to do each day. Just six. Start with the most significant one and keep working your way down.

Confidence Is Acquired, Not Inherited

I always thought there were two types of people: people who had confidence, and people who didn’t. Confident people were born salespeople, entertainers and entrepreneurs.

And then there was my type. (As a painfully awkward Kevin Malone of The Office would say, “Charm Type!”)

Personality does play a role. People who are more extroverted and assertive are more likely to say they have confidence in themselves. People who are the most critical of themselves are the least likely to feel confident.

But true confidence comes from knowing who you are and taking pride in yourself and your abilities.

Yes, you can fake it (and plenty of people do), but the way to gain genuine confidence is to become the best version of yourself. Take risks, and push yourself to try new things that scare you.

If You Don’t Know Your Worth, You’ll Always Be Underpaid

I was doomed from the start. I knew I wanted to be a writer from the time I was about 8, so I studied journalism in college. When I asked people I respected for career advice, they told me, “Just don’t expect to make any money.”

So I didn’t. Money was never the thing that motivated me, anyway. And (surprise) I didn’t make more than an entry-level salary for most of my 20s.

I realize those people were just trying to help me set realistic expectations, but it would have been so much more helpful if just one of them would have given me advice on how to actually value my work and my time.

I didn’t learn that until I finally got so frustrated fighting for things like an extra $.50 raise or overtime pay that I left journalism to work in marketing.

Working for a company that actually pays people what they’re worth and rewards success has been life-changing. I actually think less about money than I did before.

Belief Isn’t Real If You’ve Never Questioned It

So many people cling to beliefs that have been handed down to them without ever questioning their validity. Then someone comes alone and gives them a frank assessment, and they’re crushed.

They’re like the people who go on Antique Roadshow with a cherrywood desk John Adams supposedly used to write the Constitution, only to realize it’s a fraud. Then someone comes along with a rusty old fire poker and makes out with 20 grand.

No matter what you believe or how dearly you hold those beliefs, there will be a time when you’ll have to defend them. Do your own research. Test your assumptions.

If you’re a Christian who’s never read the Bible, you’d better brace yourself for the moment when someone brings up Deuteronomy 23:1–2, Jeremiah 19:9 or basically anything from Leviticus.

A Good Dog Will Make You Infinitely Happier Than A Big House

Buying a home wasn’t a decision we took lightly. We rented for eight years before taking the plunge. But looking back, we didn’t really need to buy a four-bedroom house to have the few things we wanted most:

A yard.

A neighborhood.

A place for friends to come and visit.

Our own washer and dryer.

A dog.

That was basically it. The house came with a 15-year mortgage and a lot of hassles. The dog cost us $100 and has brought us more joy, laughter, and friendships than we could have ever imagined. She’s my favorite part of having a house.

Bottom line: Thing about what you value most and what elements are essential to living a life that reflects that. You might find all you really need is a pet-friendly apartment.

You’ll Never Regret Investing In Experiences

You’ve probably heard this one before, but it’s worth saying again.

We tend to overestimate how happy we’ll be with a bigger salary or a bigger house while underestimating how much a simple weekend roadtrip can enrich our lives.

If you don’t have room in your budget to travel (even if it’s just outside your state), you’re probably wasting money on something much less valuable. The average Pick 2 combo meal at Panera costs almost $10.

If you packed your lunch instead of eating out just twice a week, you’d save over $1,000 in a year. That’s more than enough to make some amazing memories.

Real Love Is a Choice

We’re conditioned to expect butterflies. But real love isn’t for the faint of heart. Yes, feeling like your heart might spontaneously burst out of your chest and fly away is intoxicating. It’s downright addicting.

It’s also one of the oldest spells in Mother Nature’s book.

The problem with falling in love is that at some point, we have to hit the ground. When you’re falling, you have no control and it’s impossible to think about anything else.

If you still feel this way after being with someone for a long time, that’s usually a sign something is wrong. Real, lasting love should make you feel calm and secure, not like you’re about to throw up.

And, at some point in every relationship, it will stop being fun. It will be frustrating. One or both of you will take the other for granted. You might even wonder what you’re still doing there. This is when love is no longer something you feel, but something you do.

Welcome to real love. It’s a choice you’ll have to make over and over, in big ways and small. And if you’re both willing to make it, you’ll have something much stronger than butterflies.

What’s one thing you wish you’d known when you were younger?

Photo credits: Pixabay, Jackson Hendry, Unsplash

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