Living Change: 21 things I learnt in 2021
Rather than extensive reflections at the end of 2021 (I feel like I had a year of reflecting on the previous 10) i’m sharing some of the learning and insights that have came to me while doing the washing up on the 1st Jan 2022.
They act as prompts for myself, seeds of intentions for the coming year and a means of accountability (see #10) and might be of interest to others in related fields.
They’re imperfect, a bit scrappy and loosely clustered to make it a bit more readable. The insights are focused on the level of the ‘I’, in part because it’s been a big year of change for me personally. But some of these insight could be scaled out / written as implications at a larger scale too. I would do this, and map them out to the questions I outlined at the start of 2021 if I had more time, but in all honesty, i’d rather go and read a book.
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RELATIONSHIPS
1. Getting out of the house/out of London is essential for our families individual and collective mental health, we didn’t get the right balance this year.
2. Experiencing the wonder of the world through the eyes of a child, i’ve learnt lots about the universe, galaxies and the solar system that I still find mind-blowing from reading space books at bedtimes, human language development is quite something, we all have alot to learn from the visceral nature/immediacy of emotional expression of toddlers, I finally understand the fuss of halloween (ironically given #13 and it celebration death and ancestors, recognised by the mainstream.)
3. Grandparents (and cousins) are the best when there are small people around, for the playtime and also the space it gives the parents. I hadn’t fully realised and appreciated that enough when I was little. So delayed gratitude to my grandparents Betty, Jeffrey, Gladys and Tom.
4. The ritual of answering ‘daily questions’ over 32 days with friends via zoom, WhatsApp and google docs was a real highlight of 2021. It deepend our relationships when we weren’t able to physically meet and the space for honesty provided subtle reminders of what matter for each of us and offered me significant orientation for the year ahead and subsequent choices I since made.
5. Collaboration is not the default and is really hard and frustrating to do well as it’s about relational change. There is much work to be done, (connected to #20) to develop healthy, enabling and regenerative collaborations.
CYCLES OF CHANGE
6. Realising how much i’ve intuitively been designing my life around different cycles of time (6–8 week work cycles, seasonal up to 10 year cycles) and wondering how to really integrate that further and speak about this more.
7. How messy, frustrating, tumultuous decision making can be and the release/relief the comes from having made a significant one. Sometimes we have the luxury of making a choice and other times it’s forced upon us.
8. My own concern and fear death has shifted from fear of dying, to fear for the future of the planet to recognising the unprocessed grief in my family. There’s a reoccurring question about intimacy with life that keep popping up.
9. There is a fine, almost indistinguishable line between the end and the beginning. Knowing there is lots in the adaptive cycle / panarchy model that is really helpful to delve into further and use a frame to open up more exploration of this.
PRACTICES
10. The power of accountability- in the simple art of saying things out loud to other people as a form of commitment to action. I find it easy to be accountable to others, but less easy to be accountable to myself.
11. Finding writing as an outlet, something I once proclaimed to be no good at to feeling compelled to write during 2021. Seeing it as both a personal reflective practice and contribution to ecosystem narrative shaping. Grateful for the first friday writing group for kickstart this. I know there are others who are feeling similarly compelled to write, so hoping to continue this and communities to develop this practice with.
12. Understanding my own traumas, triggers, patterns and behaviours has been a revelation, in part enabled but the Healthy Human Culture group and I know Me process. It’s made me want to dig into this more through therapy this coming year and constellations work.
13. The fear of the anticipation of talking about taboo topics like death, grief, racism and money can be scarier than actually opening up the conversation. This year I experience the power of and recognised the importance of having spaces for collective exploration of these topics. There is more that is needed here and I wonder what the infrastructure is that can support it.
14. I’ve been doing the same cellular doodle for decades now.
TIME AND IDENTITY
15. Since going freelance in August 2021, i’ve been ‘working’ hard to reclaim the daytime and doing all the things i’d accidentally designed out of my life (reading books, lunches with friends, trips to galleries, walks the daytime, playing sport), realising how hard-wired the 9–5 work mentality is, even as someone who has had flexible working schedule for years now. An intention to continue to focus on reclaiming the daytime and the ‘living’ part of change more in 2022.
16. (connected to the above) Finding self worth beyond screen based work is more difficult than I anticipated. When our identities ad purpose are so tightly intertwined with our work, it’s no wonder many of us hold on tight and find it difficult to let go of work and relax into other modes.
17. How closely linked the relationship between time, value and money is. Going freelance has allowed me/forced (perhaps surprisingly to me) a healthier relationship to time and money. There’s more to be explored here.
18. I love playing squash and camping (and hope to do more of both in 2022)
CONTENT INSIGHTS
19. There is increasing appetite for system change experimentation in the funder, foundation and investor world. There is a real need for learning and practice partners and collective learning spaces. Much of my work has been focused on this in 2021 and hope to explore and develop this further in 2022.
20. Interest in ‘Governance’ seems like it’s having a resurgence. We’ve had loads of interest from all over the world to this blog series on ‘Governance as an overlooked route to transformation’ and in Transformational Governance learning space (which is looking for people to step into stewarding it’s next iteration). But i still have lots of discomfort with the word and it’s colonial undertones — but recognise working with it could be a route to decolonising how we organise.
21. 2021 continued and accelerated the pattens of uncertainty and discontinuity. The constant balancing act of making plans knowing they could change at any moment, based on personal risk / comfort levels and negotiating with those you are interacting with. Covid really has been a lesson in living in constant change and flux and I know that will continue in 2022.
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This post is dedicated to Jo Bent-Hazelwood and Cassie Ison who died before their time in 2021. Both have shown a real coming together and outpouring of love and grief between friends and families and been a reminder of the preciousness of life and just how fleeting it can be.
