What does it mean to be living change?
Early 2021 reflections
The phrase living change has been one i’ve held and worked with for a few years now. Living Change has manifested through an event series, set of questions, a framing narrative, a blog, a set of principles, mini experiments, a WhatsApp group and reflective space with friends and colleagues I work closely with.
How I have been Living Change
The real change that sits underneath these things is the experiences over the last couple of years. Incidentally, I visualise time as a two year cycle around my body — the present year in front of me running left to right, and the year past behind running right to left. So these are reflections on the full cycle that has just passed around me.
I’m now two years into new parenthood. The embodied learning and emotional intensity still feels fresh and continues to reverberate. I have to pinch myself sometimes that here is a tiny human, that I helped create in my midst. I am still slightly overwhelmed by the renewed understanding of interdependence that comes with that — or more the identity shift that’s happened. From priding myself of being fiercely independent — to realising that’s not how the world really works.
Seeing, working with, confronting power dynamics and systemic racism. From being driven to tears by the behaviour of a room full of funders, trying to challenge a workplace relationship where there is unhealthy power at play, to realising my own complicity in upholding white supremist behaviours. Learning much along the way and lightly stewarding an organisational wide inquiry into power. The twists and turns, the snowballing and the dissonance that has been experienced through the process.
And then 2020, Covid hitting- I thought maternity leave was confining but in context, that was just a road test for living through a pandemic. The constant intense waves of emotion, the shock and latent sadness, pain and anguish. Learning to live in a new reality. Waking in the middle of the night in tears. Seeking solace from being immersed in forests, an environment I had once been intimidated by. Spotting new openings, spaces for creativity and gaining confidence in an authentic form of leadership I found within and witness in those I work. The dissonance from one meeting where I found myself performing, playing the politics — to the next where I could be truly myself and feel supported in the process.
All the time working at home — being present in the same space as my family, but not really there, realising that proximity doesn’t always mean connection. All of this which meant there hasn’t been tending to the years of community work invested in the Peckham Coal Line as I didn’t have the energy to commit what was needed, trusting the time will come again- and 2021 seems to be that moment.
What Living Change means now
For time I thought it needed to be ‘a thing’, to be legitimate it needed to be a project, an organisation, something. We often treat things as projects when actually they’re something else entirely. Tempting isn’t it. But some of living the change is about transitioning and transforming existing things, not just starting new things. I’ve been resisting the paradigm of structure and organisation and in reality have not had the time, space or capacity to fully explore that.
Right now I realise Living Change might be more of a culture, a way of being and understanding the world. A way of making systemic change personal.
It’s a phrase that resonates and I can’t quite shake off or let go. But all of this too will change again, that i am sure.
But why does it matter?
Life is about living change.
Living change is a core, base, essential practice — a way of being for those who are seeking to influence and create change in the world. It is grounded in a recognition that the changes we’re seeking to create are present within us, and are part of us as well. We are fractals of a bigger system at play. Learning from these changes at the different levels can make us more effective agents of change.
In a sense it is a community and its questions. A way for change makers to find the conversation they need to have so we can live our questions and live the change.
Only three things in life are certain, birth, death and change
Proverb
Living Change has inquiry as a necessary approach. 2020 really showed us how essential a skill that is — living life as inquiry is a way to navigate the coming decade, the rest of our lifetimes, that is set to tumultuous and full of further surprises that will require us to adapt. Cultivating approaches for constant questioning of the fundamental purpose, mindset, assumptions, framing and understanding of our existing systems that could lead to bigger shifts in addressing the changes and challenges that lie beyond.
It’s a space to explore the edges, the unknowns, and the liminal spaces. The way lichen or fungi grows in otherwise hostile environments, breaking down the stones or soil and so creating the space and conditions for other plants to thrive too. A way to work with, pay attention to and be curious about the constant movement and momentum happening. A way to hold depth — with and without the heaviness. It’s something that happens everywhere. It’s not unique to one space, person, organisation.
For self identified change makers, meaningful work often already exists, but so often I’ve found the need and action is creating the space to reflect, deepen and understand in community with people beyond your immediate networks, with those with experiences and wisdom to nourish, challenge and complement our own.
Essentially enabling a burgeoning ecosystem of change to flourish together.
Questions that are alive:
In 2021 what is alive and living and the things we’re hoping to staying close to and learn through are these:
How do these manifest for me as I look ahead to 2021
There are some of the questions and areas I actively want to be exploring over the coming year. For some I have ideas and projects where these things could manifest, for others I don’t yet know.
Just writing this down in one place- already feels like too much. but this is the messiness, the complexity and layers that we all live in. This is interdependence in another form. Also wanting to be open to the things that emerge and bubble up through the year as well. Feeling slightly overwhelmed by the potential if I’m honest.
How do we relate, connect and organise for change?
What does it mean to work as part of a thriving ecosystem? What is needed to nurture, enable and resource this well?
What does healthy power and governance culture look like in the day to day?
I’ll be exploring this at the community level with the Peckham Coal Line, through my work with Forum for the Future and the various collaborative projects I’m supporting and bubbling ideas starting to emerge. And experimenting with what an enabling board looks like with Shared Assets. Paying attention to these things in the relationships I have — actively seeking to shift the dynamic where they feel imbalanced, extractive and unhealthy.
What are the narratives that support us through this time (as the old ones fall away)?
Communicating both the vision of what possible and an honesty about the journey towards this. A starting point is about better at capturing the journey as it unfolds. I have too many half written blogs, so i’m committing to a monthly writing space with others to build accountability and community around this. If you need this too — do say, come and join the experiment.
What and where are the learning communities questioning and creating new paradigm ways of working and being?
What’s my role in participating and enabling these?
Recognising that mutual learning relationships and communities-underpinned by an inquiry are key enablers of this. Exploring this pushing this through my participation and relationship to Boundless Roots and the Citizens Lab in particular.
What’s my own relationship to money and time?
I’ve started the year with conversations with friends, family and collaborators about this, reminding me how little we really talk about this and how time and money but more what we value are so connected. (Thanks for The Hum for inspiration and a great little exercise on how to get started)
What is the potential of where the change making and the grief, death and dying fields meet and actively work together?
The two fields are growing and changing and are more needed in the world than ever. What happens when they work together more intentionally? Practically i’m planning to join the Apprenticing to Grief course this year, supporting where Stewarding Loss community of practice goes next and finding spaces to actively explore and experiment with this in existing projects i’m part of.
How can I have more embodied practice?
Moving away from the head spin and overwhelm and the everyday disorientation that comes with that when you’re home and screen bound. I miss swimming so much and the thing I miss most about working in an office is the cycle commute. This one is going to be hard for me, but I need it.
The thread that cuts across all of this — what’s the bigger vision and potential ‘living change’? Can it become part of the vital learning and support ecosystem for people, projects and initiatives doing system changing work that aren’t currently being nurtured in a way they need to be? And to do this what is the soil needed to nourish this. Where do I need to stand on to do this work? (there’s blog coming on this one soon).
Which of these questions is alive for you?
Does the living change framing support you to move and act? What’s missing? What are we ignoring? I’m always interested to hear thoughts, resonance, critiques, builds, ideas.
You can read more on how these resonate from my fellow travellers Laura, Anna and Corina here, but what about you?
Gratitude and acknowledgements
In developing ideas and journeys I want to acknowledge and value the following work, projects, organisations and people within these things that have provided much of the source inspiration and experience that leads to these ideas.
To Anna, Corina and Laura for holding the threads and embers of Living Change over the years.
To Boundless Roots as a place, a community of beautiful humans, particularly to Leila and Dan who have been so gracefully holding and creating this space. It’s currently where many of these questions and ideas are alive and abundant. I’m committed to exploring and evolving this further over the coming months.
The 13 years of inspiring work at Forum for the Future running collaborative inquiries and system change initiatives have deeply informed these ideas. In particular to the Civil Society Futures team who lived some of these questions and approaches. To Joy whose wisdom I’ve learnt so much from this last year. And the work and collaborators on the community led initiative Peckham Coal Line, the Citizens Lab
And for all fellow travelers and explorers committed to learning positively influencing change at all levels. Those I know and have encountered and those around the work to keep going regardless. And to the my family — the past, present and future generations for enabling the opportunity to live change.
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