Living change into 2021
2020 — the year we all learnt what it means to be isolated and or to know what it means to be with the same people day in day out without the diversity, travel and variety that we are used to. 2020 was the year of starting to understand what it really means to live change around us, trying to navigate the waves that come your way.
The year started with me attending a 4 month Processwork course. Exploring how we can
“facilitate the inherent ‘process mind’ and creativity in nature, even and especially when grappling with the most difficult themes of our lives as individuals, in relationships, in organisations and community, and in working with the divisiveness and conflict within our wider society and world”.
Which with retrospect was a good framing to start the year, to deal with what we did not know was about to come. It foreshadowed themes that I was to explore about how I might better understand my own patterns and “inner work”, what this means in my relationships and for my leadership — especially through societal shifts that I feel are taking us to the edges of where our current systems are. (Reading Octavia Bulter’s Parables and inquiring into this with others also helped me go to the extremes of what we might need to deal with.)
The real work came however, as it always does, when the world offers you circumstances to learn from and through. For me it included not being able to live in my home due to building work that meant at the moment of the first lockdown I was going to move out for 3 weeks which turned into not being home for 6 months — first moving back into my old home which my ex still lives in with the kids and realising that all the old triggers were still alive for me and having to live in that heightened place of activation, both recognising how far I have come from the separation, how well we are doing with co-parenting but also how looking after yourself for the sake of those around you is so important. I also learnt that in a moment of emergency you can rely on those around you, complete strangers offering a place to live, or friends lending you their bikes when yours get stolen (cycling was one of my lifelines this year), to giving support for your basic needs — in my case housing and mobility!
I learnt that people can be there for the practical stuff, but some times the harder questions of connection and our emotional support are not as easy, and in someways are more vitally needed. Some of the most powerful moments in last year have been check-ins with my colleagues about how we are doing, what is happening in our lives, being able to cry together, dance together. I remember a team check in back in March, where we give space to the topics that are needed — I was leading it and I set off on quite a functional opening however as we went around the fifteen or so people on the call, by the end, as people opened up to how they were at the beginning of lock down I realised that I had not let in the emotion that was happening around me. The group energy and support had set the ground for really allowing what is happening to be present so we could keep working and being together — allowing our whole selves to come to work, if our kids were in the background or if you needed to cry or laugh. Having people to just sit with what was happening has meant so much.
“The nuclear family has far too often been the enemy of the global family and mature spiritual seeking” Richard Rohr, Falling Upwards.
These moments of practical and emotional support have saved me going under in the ocean, being able to just about manage the ever bigger waves of the pandemic. However what I have learnt more from this year is not what support and connection is there but it is mirrored more for me what the cracks are in our society. From being enraged by policy decisions that seem to prioritise economics over education — for example the pubs opening before the schools as we come out of lock down. I do want to go to a pub and connect with my friends, and yes it does provide jobs to people but seeing the mental toil on us all with the kids at home not with their friends and me trying to work with them around, I am not sure our mental states were being put into the equation.
Seeing starkly the structures of our society, that of the nuclear family, the primacy of this relationship form was valued over all else. For someone who has spent the last 5 years building a stronger mycelium network of friends and support to take me through my divorce, it deeply upset me seeing how much we are not geared up for mutuality in a more relational society but favours the “couple” being the pinnacle of relationship. There are also strains from my couple friends as well, feeling the affects of always being with one person, how much they too need diversity in who we meet, talk to — our society needs far more networked ways of being social. So how do I continue my inquiries into relationships, love and connection through a time of isolation?
Even though there is a deep need for connection, I also learnt that boundaries are an important part of this dynamic. External issues like Black Live Matter re-heighten the need to know what you want to stand for, what you need to use your leadership for. In more personal relationships being able to stand for your own values and needs can help create more connection. This time is calling a lot from us and we need to know where our own edges are as well as those of society so as to support transformation.
So as I go through the annual reflection process to end a year and start the next I like to reflect on the inquiries I am undertaking that inform my questions and actions. As I do this for 2021 I reflect back at how the concept of Living Change is still the frame by which these inquiries sit, which a group of us have been working with over the last few years. Louise for example is also reflecting on 2021 and has written a related article here on what she is taking into this new year.
As I look into 2021 I realise that Living Change is more relevant than it has ever been with Covid entering into its second year, with actions on climate change not seeming to be anywhere close to what is required, and social tensions and fractures being ever more seen and felt in our social and political systems. For me personally, too, as a single parent, having to navigate lock-downs where the nuclear family is seen as the primary form, where schools and support networks feel at times just not enough.
And so I return once again to the idea -
Life is about living change.
As Louise said in her article (and reflections about living change)
“Living change is a core, base, essential practice — a way of being for those who seeking to influence and create change in the world. Grounded a recognition that that the changes we’re seeking to create are present within us, and are part of us as well. We a fractals of a bigger system at play. Learning from these changes at the different levels can make us more effective agents of change.”
In a sense it is a community and its inquiries — for change makers to find the conversation they need to have so we can live the questions and live the change.
Questions that are alive:
In 2021 what is alive and living and the things we’re hoping to stay close to and learn through are questions about….
What is particularly alive for me? My 2021 action inquiries
Within these questions and areas of action I am particularly interested in
- How might we live through these collapses, what role does this have with our consciousness development?
- How do we link this to practices related to death and letting go and unlearning — especially related to current power dynamics? How do I live with the ongoing pandemic, noticing what happens as a parent and what this might mean for future change such as climate breakdown.
- How might I continue to understand relational dynamics — that are connected to shifting power but also bringing love?
- How does this relate to structures of decision making and governance? This also relates to what my personal leadership practices and how might I act and stand for systemic approaches that are regenerative and just. [See previous intro to new forms for organising]
- Related to this I am interested to continue to enact what it takes to create the conditions for seeds and others to bloom — by cultivating the garden — what type of organisation or organising form is required to enable this? How might we bring this to the work at Forum for the Future, School of System Change, Marine CoLAB and other projects. What does this mean for Living Change?
- How might I continue to explore my own inner work as it relates to my relationships, past traumas and love — to bring a flourishing to different dimensions of my life? Especially in a time of lock down and disconnection.
- What has this to do with eros, love, sensuality and the body (and yes sex) — as it connects to our developmental journey? * sex and death seem like two edges in society that we keep hidden so purposefully making these words explicit.
- How might I slow down, go with the flow, let go whilst also standing up for my needs and what I think is needed in the world?
What is alive for you?
So we would also like to ask you — does the living change framing support you to move and act? What’s missing? What are we ignoring? We are always interested to hear thoughts, resonance, critiques, builds, ideas.
Gratitude and acknowledgements
Thank you to those who supported me this year, to those who gave me a place to stay when I most needed it or lent me their bikes when mine got stolen or were just there for walks and meet ups that felt very precious.
In developing ideas and journey I want to acknowledge and value all those on the journey with me — particularly Louise, Corina and Laura for holding the threads and connections of Living Change alive… but also to the wider group of inquirers, colleagues and friends who are a constant source of inspiration and challenge, including those I work with at Forum for the Future,those involved in School of System Change, Boundless Roots Community, Processwork community, Marine CoLAB, new girls network and all the micro-adventurers…
