Through Thick and Thin
My closest friend is the person I speak to a hundred times a day…that person who knows me inside out and top to bottom…that person who would lay her life down for me. She is my biggest cheerleader and my greatest critic. Together we have dissected every single chapter of our lives…every relationship, every childhood memory…you get the picture, I’m sure.
The physical differences between us are striking. She is very tall and very thin, one might say lanky. And I am, well…not! (Think Laurel and Hardy). It is almost comical to see us walking together…my three steps to her one!
While I have always been keenly aware of the polar opposite nature of our appearance, never before today did I see that as a metaphor for some of the life lessons we were taught.
Today, I read a blog she wrote about her father and what he called “The Eighth Deadly Sin.”
This is what jumped out…
“I said I was bored, he didn’t take me to get ice cream or go buy me something. He showed me that right where I thought the boredom was, something else existed. Something I could love and learn about, be interested in and engage with.”
Polar opposite!
When I was bored, we took a ride to the bakery. We went to the grocery store and came home with Hershey bars and Twizzlers. We went to Carvel and brought home flying saucers! That was the answer to boredom in my house! In fact, that was the answer to pretty much everything!
Bored? Eat something.
Upset? Eat something.
Angry? Eat something.
Anxious? Eat something.
Celebrating? Eat something.
Happy? Eat something.
Again, I think you get the picture.
I remember a snowstorm when I was very young. We did not build a snowman. We did not make a fort. We did not throw snowballs. How did we get though the day? My dad pulled my brother and me on a sled, to the grocery store (one and a half miles each way), to stock up on goodies!
Is it any wonder that I ate my way through the first few months of this pandemic?
Is it any wonder that my friend is the “skinny one” and I am, well…not!
Everything had food at its center. Every car ride included a food destination. Every vacation had a memorable restaurant. Her Dad might say, “Let’s take a drive to the beach and look for beautiful shells”. My Dad would say, “Let’s go for some clams”.
Food was not a substitute for love…food WAS the love. Food made everything better and more fun. Don’t get me wrong…my parents were loving, affectionate people. Just don’t take that last slice of pizza!
I spent the majority of my life being overweight. There were times that I lost the weight and times that I gained it back. I spent almost my entire life using food to assuage boredom, or fill emptiness, or to just let the ol’ taste buds have a party in my mouth!
But this story is not really about weight or about food. I am writing about love. I am writing about all the ways in which I never learned to love myself because I was tricked into believing that the food was doing it for me! What does it mean to love yourself? I think about all the different ways I show my love…to a partner, to my kids, to my pets, to my friends. I think I do a pretty good job. If you were to ask me to give you examples, I could name several. Now ask me to list the ways I show love to myself. Hmmm…next question! It is fair to say I have done a less than stellar job in that category.
First, I did not take very good care of my body. I overate and under-exercised. I relied on the company of others to enjoy a show, a concert or other forms of entertainment. I never ate alone in a restaurant. I did not go exploring new places on my own. I worked one full time job and for 14 years, two part time jobs. I NEVER took a vacation by myself-just to relax and be with me. You might say, like the song, I was “lookin’ for love in all the wrong places”!
Prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, I slowly began to introduce myself to ME, as if I were a friend I wanted to introduce to a blind date! I began going to movies by myself, day trips to the beach, one job, not three.
And then the Corona Virus came to town!
No movies-no theater-no socializing-no eating out-no in person company-NOTHING. We were advised to STAY HOME…and that’s what I did.
At first, being so unaccustomed to these new restrictions and voids, I ate to pass the time. But then something interesting happened. I actually began to enjoy doing some of the things alone that I avoided like the plague when I had no company!
Now every weekend, just to change my scenery, I take a ride to some place I had never been before. I’ve discovered parks and trails and beautiful towns I never knew existed. I joined a walking challenge in which I commit, no matter what, to walking a minimum of one mile a day. And I take myself to the prettiest places I can find to do it!
I am pleasure reading again and even joined a book discussion group. I don’t mind doing all this alone and truth be told, I actually prefer it most of the time. These little acts of self-love have opened up a whole new world to me at a time when the world is more shut down than ever in my lifetime. And yes, I am eating to live, not living to eat.
I don’t know how long this pandemic will threaten our health and safety. And I don’t know how long we will remain isolated from the people and things we care about. But I do know this. I’m ok. And I will continue to practice acts of love and kindness — through thick and thin.
But this time around, I will include me.
