All of you is welcome…
Musings on Heart Powered Human Leadership
All of you is welcome. These words are a magic spell. They have the power to change your life. They are the missing piece of your inner peace — that cannot be reached via the intellect. They cannot be known conceptually. Although they can be appreciated as a concept. They must be felt — they must be embodied for the incantation to work it’s charm.
This morning my dear friend was sharing with me about her childhood and the fear of losing security she had discovered nestled deep within. She is about to embark on her dream of a lifetime. To lead her little family into a new era of nurturing the earth, creation, discovery, connection and joy. She has found a new home project that makes her eyes shine when she speaks of it, she has manifested her hearts desire. And she was terrified. Moving home triggers in her a wound from her deep childhood memories — to move is to lose everything you love.
She, however, is a fellow wise woman. We have walked the path of life together for the past 12 years — I know her well. She deeply understands to let go of what no longer serves us, that we have to go beyond the story of who we are or have created ourselves to be. That we have to meet the child within who desperately needed and did not get that security, control or approval. And fully welcome the unwanted part of us with open arms. With gentleness, with kindness and with love.
This is not a journey of the mind and it cannot be planned ahead of time. It can only happen in the now, when wisdom guides us to look inside to our own heart; that is sore with pain, suffering and loss.
This is where we discover that we have not welcomed our own experience — but judged it and put it out in the cold. When we do, we can also feel guilt, blame and shame, we can judge ourselves for judging and the spiral continues.
There is only one true healing for these patterns that we can’t seem to shake — and that is a true, willing and loving embrace of what we really don’t want to feel.
As a leadership coach I would say the most significant thing that happens with my clients, that holds the most power and impact to change the game — is not even up to me. It is to make the sacred space for a leader to see that they have not welcomed an aspect of themselves for most of their lives — and that this is the source of their suffering.
Not the thing that happened back then, not the thing that‘s happening now triggering the current thoughts and feelings — but the pain of their own rejection, their own abandonment, their own cruelty and disgust towards themselves; for what they feel or believe about themselves. But here’s the truth about that…
What you can’t be with won’t let you be.
I offer them a space through nothing more and nothing less than deep presence and curiosity — where in that space, at the least — a truce can be reached and at best there is a welcome embrace. When we can meet that disowned part with our own love we discover that we are actually fundamentally ok, and we no longer need to put all our energy into resisting any longer.
I see now what the story of the prodigal son from my childhood bible stories was about. It could be seen as a metaphor for the reclamation of that which was cast aside, cast away and can now be welcomed, celebrated and found.
As a human leader whatever we are held hostage to in our inner game will inevitably create our patterns of darkness — our shadow.
This in turn manifests in our outer game — our behaviours and performance.
Our lack of confidence, our risk aversions and catastrophic thinking, our patterns of anxiety, or need to dominate and control, our perfectionism, our desperate need to please or rescue others, our grasping with greed for security, our disconnections from others, our loneliness, our confusion.
These are all part of the human condition. But when we can truly allow ourselves to be all of what we are, just as we are — we discover a beauty and perfection in our human condition and with Grace, we are free.
I remember over 25 years ago when I was starting out — I opened every leadership development training with two messages. You are not broken and all of you is welcome here. I remember writing a poem around then called The Heart needs a Home about this all those years ago, sharing it on the training at the right moment.
I was in my thirties then — I had not yet fully learned how to embrace all of me — that came much later, thanks to my many, many wise teachers, mentors and guides. Even so, some deeper wisdom in me still knew the Truth — even if my intellect didn’t always believe it.
Now I can truly say — more often than not — I am able to allow, embrace and welcome and then love who I am — without arrogance or apology. For that last one, I think the acclaim goes to Empress whisperer Lian Brook-Tyler who in walking and illuminating this path so beautifully herself has shown so many the way.
The heart needs a home
The heart needs a home.
The heart needs a home to be heard, to be safe, to be free.
But when we work, where do we house our hearts?
The blue-suited wall street walruses say,
Show me your fire, just stay calm
Show me your passion, just don’t cry
Show me courage, just never fear
But I say, show me your spirit, your fire your flame.
Show me your passion, your tears and your fears.
The heart needs a home, like the moon needs the sky,
Shine Brightly,
Shine Clearly,
Shine Whole.
- Elizabeth Lovius, London 1992
All of you is welcome.
For leaders who want to lead with humanity, heart and wisdom.
Get inspiration / Work with me one to one; in-person on retreat
