The Vintage Where The Grapes Of Gank Are Stored

Dear John Brown, I know you pounded out the vintage

where the grapes of wrath are stored

so you’d have something nice to drink

by the watch-fires of a hundred circling camps

but I was thirsty and took a sip, and another

and now it’s all gone.

Ooops, I done ganked your vintage.

’Tis I, The Scoundrel, back to tell you all about how I took some really heartfelt parodies of famous poems and wordclouded them in the unfeeling manner of a criminal!

Twitter Link

This was another one of those bits of Scoundrelly self-referentiality, in which I made a couple mashups of music and This is Just to Say

The songs

Baby, baby, baby, this is just to say

Baby, baby, baby, this is just to say

How much I’m gonna miss you

But believe while I’m away

That I didn’t mean to hurt you

When I stole those plums

Baby, baby, baby (Baby)

Think of me sometimes (Baby)

Because if loving cold and delicious plums was so wrong (Baby)

Then I’m guilty of this crime (Guilty, I’m guilty, I’m guilty)

I’m bewildered, I’m lonely, and you’re breakfastless

Without those plums to hold in your hand

(Reach out for me, boy)

If you’d just understand

(Reach out to me, right now)

Those that we love, we foolishly make cry

Then sometimes feel it’s best to say goodbye, goodbye

But what’s inside can’t be denied

The plums in my stomach

are my only guide

Baby (Oh) Baby (Oh)
Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, this is just to say

Just how much I’m really gonna miss those plums in the ice-box

But believe, while I’m away (I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you — but not as much as I need the red wheelbarrow)

That I really didn’t mean, I didn’t mean, I didn’t mean to hurt you

When I stole those plums

And

So much depends on the plush

And I feel, so much depends on the weather
In your bedroom, glazed with rainwater.
And I see, that these are the eyes of disarray
beside the white chickens.

And I feel it
And she feels it

Where ya going to tommorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
Are ya going to that ice-box
And I feel, and I feel
That there are no plums for you there,
Only Death!

Twitter Link

A link to a little blog, evidently about jobs in the Chemistry field, that did the parody craze like everybody else, and is still there on the internet not shuttered and 404ing like some of the losers the Scoundrel encounters—

This is just to say, by Chemjobber

The poem

“This is just to say”, by Chemjobber

I have closed
the site
at which
you were employed

and which
you may have
relied on to
support your family

Forgive me
it was necessary
our shareholders
demanded it

Thank you chemjobber, very delicious, stolen by the scoundrel who steals fruit and apologizes insincerely, here’s your sorry — and I really mean that.

Twitter Link

A MakingLight thread that actually resolves without any tricky Internet Archive detours! Huzzah!

Making Light: Open thread 177

The Poems Found:

I read your message on the open thread.
I’ll send a note from my backup account.
I think that we can safely take as read
that restaurants serving Mexican are out.

I also see the dates you specified;
I think a dinner thing sounds pretty cool
But mornings find me sadly zombified,
My conversations sparkling just with drool.

My e-mail may be just a bit delayed;
I need to make myself be an adult.
Tonight I need to get affairs arranged,
So that tomorrow I can get results.

And

This is just to say
I have received
the e-mail
that was in
my inbox

and which
you were probably
sending
for confirmation

Forgive me
this was audacious
so silly
and superfluous

And

This is just to say

I have forgotten
to put
the plums
in the icebox

Followed immediately by

This is just to say

I have eaten
the pluots
in the
icebox.

Do not forgive me
I put them
there
in the first
place.

Then some Zombie stuff

This just say
I ate brains
In head
You saving
For later

Sorry but
They good
So warm
You find out

More plums

This is just to say
I resent the hell out of
whoever cut down the plum tree
by the apartments three blocks over
It is unforgiveable
Those plums saved me some grocery money
A city without trees
isn’t fit for a dog

still more plums

This is just to say
I got tired of everyone bitching about the plums
and bought some more at the market.
They’re in the icebox next to the broccoli
that no one will eat.
Save some for me this time, please.

A comment on Mr. Williams

This is just to say

william carlos williams
is a selfish prat,
and does not deserve
roommates
who buy nice things,

and will certainly
have to get
his own supper
tonight.
And it will be cold.

Back to the Plums, with a warning

For god’s sake, don’t eat the plums!
They’re a toxicology experiment,
To see if the cold of the icebox
Inhibits the deadly fungus inside.
Don’t even open the box they’re in.
Just to be on the safe side,
I’m putting this on the fridge.

I hope the note stays up
And doesn’t fall underneath,
Because if you eat any of them,
You’ve ten, maybe fifteen minutes:
So quick, so hot, and so dead.

And that’s it. Lots of words were wordclouded as you see. The biggest word in all that was JUST, because after removing English stop words it was the biggest, that doesn’t seem Just, but there is no Justice when the Scoundrel steals your plums, Just ice, so cold and empty.

Twitter Link

But all good things must come to an end, therefore I am returning this empty plate of plums with a lovely note on it for you to read long after I am gone — and just like me being gone the poems of KayTei at MakingLight are gone *SOB*

OR SO WE THOUGHT

Making Light comments by KayTei

The parodies, rescued from obscurity and wordclouded (the most trivial and useless form of visualization known to civilized peoples)

This is just to say…

I have eaten
the chocolate PBJ hamantaschen
that were on
the counter

and which
you undoubtedly
planned
to gift away

I regret nothing
they were delicious
so sweet
and verboten

and the same one from that open thread earlier

This is just to say
I have received
the e-mail
that was in
my inbox

and which
you were probably
sending
for confirmation

Forgive me
this was audacious
so silly
and superfluous

immediately followed by

I read your message on the open thread.
I’ll send a note from my backup account.
I think that we can safely take as read
that restaurants serving Mexican are out.

I also see the dates you specified;
I think a dinner thing sounds pretty cool
But mornings find me sadly zombified,
My conversations sparkling just with drool.

My e-mail may be just a bit delayed;
I need to make myself be an adult.
Tonight I need to get affairs arranged,
So that tomorrow I can get results.

and FINALLY (the word you can use in both sex and apocalypse)

This is just to say

I have giggled
at the notes
that were on
your blotter

and which
you were probably
saving
for a Science Fiction novel

forgive me
they were egregious
so smug
and so droll

Thank you KayTei, your poems were delicious, sorry if I’m being cold but that’s just how the Scoundrel rolls.

Twitter Link

And the same with long time MakingLight commenter Xeger, but again Internet Archive, to the rescue

Making Light comments by xeger

The Poems

First, the previously noted one from the open thread

This is just to say

I have forgotten
to put
the plums
in the icebox

And, continuing with the fruit

This Is Just To Say

I have left
the plums
that were in
the icebox

which I am
probably
saving
for later

The apricots
were so delicious
so sweet
and so cold

darn, that should have been in our last outing, where we got the Apricots!

Aw Darn, I done Annexed Your Apricots!

Also Xeger, like your Scoundrel, likes Data

This is just to say
I have found the data
that was in the database

which you were
trying to deny existed

Forgive me
I’m tired
and the data was
in the database.

and

This Is Just To Say
I have eaten
the life
that was
hidden in the icebox,

so fun and juicy,
which you were
probably saving
for breakfast.

Forgive me
it was novel
so sweet and drunken
and cold.

and

This is just to say

I have eaten
the plums
that were not in
the bathtub

since you
had probably
cancelled
our breakfast.

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and warm.

and

This is just to say

I have stolen
the sleep
that was in
your bed

and which you
were probably
waiting
for wearily

Forgive me
it was delightful
so sweet
and so restful.

And

This is just to inform you
that your case
has been escalated to PLS
for further resolution.

(I blame this thread for the (formerly) one line email above scanning rather differently than normal…)

Until Next Time —

As is our habit, those crazy kids at the Hitmagist have provided a playlist for this outing of the Scoundrel.

Other Articles of Interest

the first one, where our Scoundrel is introduced

Fruit-stealing scoundrel has returned!

Jacking that Jackfruit

Kiwi Kleptomania!

PawPaw Punk

Felon Filches Figs

Punk Purloins Plums — July 2023