Coming to understand my sense of spirituality
At night, along the countryside, my gaze fell upon the night sky wrapping all around me and for the first time I felt alone. Not the alone that pointed to the absence of others, but the alone that connected me to the vast infinite space in front of me, pointing to my existence as a singular point in which all things converged.
I was simultaneously significant and insignificant as I stood there on a that tiny plot of grass on a minuscule planet hurling through an infinitely expanding universe, inexplicable to the greatest scientific minds.
That blackness and void, that mystery of the infinite space was spirituality in its purest form.
Spirituality, as I’ve come to understand it, was a feeling of compassion and wellbeing towards myself and all components of the external world around me, From the loved ones closest to me to the health of the ecological environment and the larger universe.
As I stared into the night sky, I was met with the reconciliation of this simultaneous significance and insignificance. It was this feeling that in the grand scheme of human existence we didn’t mean anything and we would all eventually be forgotten. But nonetheless, in the present moment, we all possess a vital role in determining the direction of human civilization and that was our momentary significance.
At the individual level, we are all less than a century of life squeezed into 200,000 years of human existence squeezed into 14 billion years since universe’s creation. Everything that came before us ends at us here in this present moment, and everything that will come after us starts with us here in this present moment.
Ua Nyuj Dab
Spirituality within the Hmong culture culminates into animism and shamanism, the former representing our spiritual cohabitation with the totality of the external world around us, both inanimate and animate. The latter representing our cohabitation with the spiritual world beyond our own human perceptions of this physical world.
The following photos is of a special ceremony called ua nyuj dab where typically the eldest son in the family brings the family and relatives together to pay respects to a father or mother who has passed away. This ceremony calls for that parent’s soul to come accept and eat a sacrificed cow with the rest of the family.
The natural progression of human life within a timeline is future-oriented, we move forward in time with no option to rewind. Animism and shamanism for the Hmong people is the counterbalancing of that future-oriented movement. It is the calling upon history, upon our ancestors and a reconnection with our spirituality within a society that is spiritually deprived from its overemphasis on material wealth and obsession with progress.
The ceremony is complete when the family member leading the ceremony throws two halves of a bamboo and it they both land upright. This means that the deceased parent has accepted the sacrifice and ceremony. Once it is accepted, then the family will be protected from illness and from harm.
This particular ua nyuj dab was done for my grandfather, Paj Txoo Lis by my eldest uncle, Hlob Pos. In the photograph below, the clothes upon the mat represents my grandfather and his daughter-in-law who will accompany him on this spiritual journey in returning to eat with the family.
Components involved in the ceremony
- a number of bowls (varies from family to family) labeled with names that represent my grandfather’s parents, his brothers, nephews, and different groups of ancestors and spirits. We used 13 bowls and three extra meals in the net for our ua nyuj dab.
2. A family member who possesses the knowledge in reciting the words to call forth the spirits and ancestors to share the cow with my grandfather.
3. A qeej player to communicate with the spirits
4. A house made of grass and branches to welcome my grandfather and the other ancestors/spirits to share in the sacrificial cow with us
5. The offering of a sacrificed cow, with each body part being spread out between the different bowls of ancestors and spirits. Each bowl is then given equal parts of meat from the cow, including the head, ears, nose, feet, legs, tail, and internal organs. The bowls and positioning are labeled with a name card that contains names of family members and name alluding to a group of spirits.
6. Family and community: For the Hmong people, the family and the community is the bedrock of our cultural identity. It is the ultimate glue that keeps us together and the spiritual component in which all things converge. Within the family and the community, the individual self is removed of all material and financial obsessions, instead replaced by a sacrifice of their time and energy for the benefit and wellbeing of others.
Rebalancing our spiritual selves
Spirituality for the Hmong people is deeply rooted in context of honoring our ancestors and our history, lead by our individual actions of sacrificing ourselves for the wellbeing of others.
This sacrificing of the self can be seen through our Hmong grandparents. When faced with death and persecution in Laos, they embarked on a refugee journey that simultaneously destroyed the life they had while gifting them a new one for the security of their future kin.
The ua nyuj dab that we did for my grandfather was a rebalancing of our spiritual selves within an oftentimes spiritually deprived America. Material wealth and future-oriented obsession is replaced by a ceremony of deep respect and reflection for those who came before us. We find ourselves with newfound spiritual wealth and wellbeing created through the love of others, and we strip ourselves of the self-centered ego that deprives us of a sense of spirituality.
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maivmai - Hmong American Literary Press
maivmai is a publication for voices from the Hmong diaspora. The name is a combination of the Hmong and English spelling of Maiv and Mai, alluding to the bicultural identity and multidimensional lives of being Hmong in America. The goal of this publication is to make the writing process more accessible to Hmong people around the country so they can find their voice and share their story.
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