My happiness is more important than your expectations
“What gives you genuine happiness?”
“My parents’ happiness.”
There was a time when I had trouble of making a decision because I thought my choice would affect others’ happiness, especially that of my parents. Before speaking up at home about what was going on inside my mind, I needed an elder’s guidance. I knew I could talk to my school teacher but I resisted going alone.
A classmate was also going through a similar thing so I convinced him that we should approach the teacher with our problems. It took me some time to convince my classmate that we need to talk to someone before taking any decision.
I remember going to the staff room early in the morning. I had thought all three of us would talk together. But she knew better. Our problems were different. And we needed space to open up and to talk freely.
Once she was done talking to my classmate, he went back to the class. It was my turn.
I expressed all of my concerns. She had probably seen it coming because of my degrading marks. Yet she had a strong feeling that there was hope. She could not see me give up. She wanted me to fight.
On the other hand, I had somewhat prepared my mind to take another path (towards my dream or towards something else? I don’t know). When I think about that day today, I think I wanted to see her reaction to know how my parents would react to my decision.
While she tried hard to convince me that I should give my dream some more time and then take a final decision, I started to shed tears. I told her that I couldn’t stress myself more. There was no more space to bear the burden. Then, she asked a question that has stayed with me all this time.
“What gives you genuine happiness?”
“My parents’ happiness.”
“What if their happiness lies in your happiness? Would they be happy to see you like this? Yes, Saumya. Their happiness lies in yours. They won’t be happy to see you like this. Never forget this.”
She concluded the conversation on the same note that I should not take the decision in a haste and keep myself going some more time. Little did she know that I reached out after giving it all my best. When I look back now, I see that it was the first time I spoke up openly about me getting worried and anxious but the 17-year-old me met with her expectations from me.
During the rest of the day at school, I tried hard to make myself keep it going. But I broke down at home in the evening. I spoke through tears. After listing all the pros and cons of the decisions made in the past and those that I wanted to take, I expected my parents to ask me some questions. But all they said was this:
“Leave it. If it’s bothering you so much, leave it. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t worry about the money. Don’t think about what people would say. Don’t worry about the time that you’ve lost. Start making the best of the time that’s still there. Find out what you can do now to make it to there where you want to go.”
Isn’t ironic how we consider someone else as the most important person in our lives but forget to count ourselves? When we make a decision that we feel is good for ourselves, all other things fall into place on their own.
Somewhere deep inside, I wanted to fulfil an unfulfilled dream of theirs. I am fortunate that my parents understood me and put my happiness above their expectations. That day, their words gave me the much-needed relief and solved half of my problems.
Wondering about the other half of my problems?
Let me tell you that even though life is a journey, it’s not a cakewalk. All of us have our buckets full of problems. Know how I stopped worrying and started taking control of the rest of my problems.
While I work on my next musing, there’s a question I’d like to you to ask yourself:
Who is the most important person in your life?
