Girl, Send Me a Frext

How female friends have turned sexting into an act of bonding and empowerment

By Alana Levinson
Illustration by Amanda S. Lanzone

The first time I saw my best friend half-naked was late one night on the small lit up screen of my iPhone.

“Do you like??” she texted, and attached a picture of herself in some new lingerie: a lacy bra, some knee-high stockings, a garter belt. Sexting is supposed to be serious and, well, sexual. But getting this pic from just-a-friend was humorous and, well, platonic. It reminded me of how I felt when I was a young girl and would see grown women undress in the locker room. I was excited and in awe and also a little embarrassed.

The text really wasn’t much different from female cultural rituals I’m used to. Alana Massey, who lives by the motto Dick is abundant and low value, thinks sexting with friends is like the “performative activities and hobbies that women are encouraged to do at a young age.” She remembers the first time she put on a ton of makeup. It wasn’t for a boy; it was to make Hole and No Doubt music videos with her friends. “It’s the extension of the very old idea that women dress up for each other,” Alana says. “Part of showing off is about sharing yourself with your girlfriends.”