What Should Self Care Look Like?
What do you think of as self-care? Do you imagine a bathtub filled to the brim with bubbles and warm water, with rosy petals littering the surface and plenty of scented candles decorating the edges? Do you imagine taking your socks and shoes off, and setting foot into some early morning grass, and feeling the dew between your toes? Maybe you imagine cooking up a storm in the kitchen, chopping up colourful vegetables and sauteing them with plenty of tasty spices?
Don’t worry, I’m not trying to catch you out — these are all great acts of self-care! Practising healthy behaviours, like eating well and looking after your personal hygiene, really can make a person feel better. They can go a long way to brightening your day, and setting a standard for your future.
But on the flip side, I just want to take the time to point out that not all acts of self-care are created equally. Some are too labour intensive for some of us, some are just a bit boring and floppy for some others, and something that works for someone else might not be practical for the person they’re recommending it to.
There is no standard for self-care, and sometimes, what we think of as self-care, and what it actually is, don’t quite align. I know I have spent a lot of time going back and forth over what I think I should be doing, and not focusing on what actually makes me feel better and lifts my moods.
And here on Medium, I recently read I’ve Played the Game Of Depression… Once Again by Cleio, and I suppose the idea has stuck in my mind. It made me want to talk a bit more about the most mundane elements of self-care, and why they still count.
Self-care doesn’t have to be something new and glitzy, and it doesn’t have to make you glow once you’re finished. Because even something that is typically considered ‘normal’, like brushing your teeth after you wake up in the morning, can be an act of self-care.
When you’re depressed, maintaining your hygiene can zap so much energy out of you, and there’s a lot of us out there who don’t get back in the shower until a week or two after our most recent one. It can be embarrassing to talk about, but I think it’s definitely something we need to acknowledge. After all, depression affects every single facet of your lifestyle, and can twist them beyond belief, and there’s nothing pretty about it.
If you’re someone who can’t really remember the last time you showered, and you really hate the idea of getting undressed just to scrub yourself down and get dressed again, even just wetting a cloth and washing the exposed skin you see when you look down can work wonders for your mental health.
Ultimately, when it comes to managing mental health, and any issues it gives you, a bit of self-care every now and then is a great maintenance tool. But if you’re anything like me, you’re not too sure how to go about it, and you throw yourself in with little thought to your energy and motivation levels. You see, even self-care can drain those right down, especially if you’re trying something new, or if you’re trying to commit to something you haven’t enjoyed in months.
It’s why starting small is usually best. As I mentioned above, washing your face and your arms could be the first step. The next step could be brushing your teeth, to make you feel just a bit more confident about smiling today. And after that, the third step could very well be getting in the shower.
Eventually, self-care can lead to some lifestyle changes, and ones that change your life for the better. Regular washing, the ability to smile, breath you’re not worried is going to make people grimace in disgust. Who knows, maybe you’ll start eating at least one vegetable a week, or text your friend back just in time to attend that catch up over coffee they suggested a couple of weeks ago?
But above all else, your self-care shouldn’t be performative. If you’re someone who doesn’t really like to soak in a long bath, maybe it won’t be the best thing for lifting your mood! Of course, give it a try if you’re up for it, but don’t push yourself to keep to a routine that consists of activities that only look good on paper.
Because your self-care should suit you, and it should be useful to you. Picking up dirty clothes from the bedroom floor and putting them in a laundry basket, changing the sheets of a bed you’ve rarely left for the past 3 or 4 days, chopping up a banana into bite-size pieces to make the fruit easier to eat… these all count in the moments when life seems way too much to handle.
Of course, talking to a doctor about what you’re feeling, or how you seem unable to function, is usually the main turning point when it comes to treatment. The advice from a mental health professional is something you can be sure is safe to follow, and what I’ve written here are only things I’ve found personally helpful.
Because I know, for people with depression, and the mental illnesses it’s often comorbid with, self-care can be the first of many steps in feeling better. It’s accessible, and there’s a lot of practices that don’t require you to leave the house, if that’s too big of a step right now. Caring enough to brush your hair can make you feel a lot stronger in facing the world, and maybe then you’ll be ready to visit the doctor.
Self-care is also the step you can repeatedly practice, if you’re in between therapists or coming to the end of your course of medication. At heart, it’s looking after yourself, pure and simple; seeing as plenty of research has found depression to be comorbid with physical disorders as well, your commitment to self-care can put a lot of power into your hands concerning the wellbeing of your brain and your body.
If you take yourself to bed earlier, for example, there’s a very good chance you’re going to fall asleep earlier. Even just 15 more minutes can make waking up the next morning a lot easier.
And even if you don’t get to sleep earlier, you’re taking the time to let your brain and body rest, just for a little while.
Self-care makes sure you’re kind to yourself, in those moments when you need kindness the most. It reinforces the idea of love, and the kind that we want from others: a watchful eye, a couple of kind words, and something nice to do to take our mind off it. Try it sometime.
