Put them in a box
Neat and delicious
Christmas is a time of joy, love, and cheer. What a joke!
For some of you, it might truly be this way. I can see through the bullshit.
Like the whore aunt Laurel, who is standing every Monday at the same corner. No matter what present she might get, she won’t hesitate to show you how superior her present is. Even though the expensive presents she could only afford by sucking cocks in a back alley.
Or grandpa Harry, who doesn’t wish for anything but “health and happiness for our family.”
As soon as the presents are opened though, he won’t stop to make you feel inadequate for getting him warm socks! This old bastard doesn’t even deserve a present at all. All he’s doing every day is preying on small children playing in the snow.
Rebell Billy is a fantastic boy! But only in the mind of the people who don’t know him well. Robbing, stealing, and lying are one of his finest attributes. Not to mention his crippling drug addiction, which one day will ruin his family.
Dear Santa,
I know you haven’t needed my services in a long time. This ends now! I can see the deep wickedness of the world. The hypocrisy, loathing, and hatred humankind have toward each other. In my little bakery store where most of the town comes for cake and a warming drink during winter, I have seen and heard more than I could ever bear.
Friends talking behind each other’s back but pretending to be kind to each other. Lovers who have sworn to love each other until death does part them. Only to grab a drink and cake with the next best-looking person.
And old men preying on little children, like wounded jackals not strong enough to catch anything that could defend itself.
This, my dear Santa, is coming now to an end! As you might suspect already, I am not asking for your permission, to do my work as I intended to from the beginning.
I simply did it as you do. I put them in a box and gave them as presents.
Aunt Laurel was the easiest. A note with her coffee, “would you mind spending a little time with me after I close shop?”
Sure she came along! Aunt Laurel never leaves a cock and some bucks to go to waste!
Her Uterus, even if one might suspect it’s damaged was marvelous intact. Alongside her heart, made a delicious pie! I put it all neatly in a box and served her, to her husband alongside some tea with extra rum.
In the box was also a note, of course, written by me.
What an amazing view it was seeing Charles read the note which explained to him that she was a whore, this couldn’t work out and that deep inside he always knew.
Crushed by this realization he drank the tea, only to go with a big smile after gobbling down the pie.
Grandpa Harry would always come alone at noon when most people are at work and the bakery is empty. So he could enjoy the kids going home from school. Only this time he didn’t see any kids. Only my knife I rammed into his head, after asking what I might get him.
He was old, but his tender arm muscles were still in good shape and made the most wonderful-smelling pie.
His family usually comes on Sundays to enjoy some pie and tea, only this time they enjoyed grandpa Harry most delightfully.
They never even asked where he might be.
Well, I thought Billy would be tough. Turned out I just had to wave with a bag of hashish to coax him into coming into the back of my store. He doesn’t have friends so nobody knew he was here with me.
The toughest part was to find parts of him that were still good, after years of drugs I thought this is going to waste. But then I opened his skull and saw his brain perfectly intact. His eyes were still glassy from the joint he smoked so I tore them out too.
This time I left a suicide note in the box. His mother and father were devastated after reading it. I rushed them to try at least the pie he had left them and behold they forgot him altogether.
I think I need to clean this town, it’s the least I can do. I hope you can give me my old job back.
With a heavy heart,
Krampus
