Strawberry Connection: A New Way of Looking at Community
When I couldn’t find a community for myself, I created one.
An old woman walks into a bar. The bartender greets her by her first name. The woman sits down at a table in the back. A drink is brought to her without her ordering. Four old ladies join the woman at the table. They pull out knitting needles. There is no punch line. This is community.
I’ve yearned to sit at that table my whole life.
Not because I frequent bars or knit. My soul belts out The Cheers theme song. I crave to go somewhere where everyone knows my name.
Happy Days, Taxi, Call the Midwife, The Facts of Life, MASH, ER, Seinfeld, The Jeffersons, Sex in the City, Fresh off the Boat, The Office, House on the Prairie, Blue Bloods, George Lopez, Friends, all have a common thread.
Television has built an industry on fulfilling the human need for community and friendship. Whether the connection is family, neighborhood, occupation, ethnicity, religion, or academics, I’m drawn to the bonded relationship of these characters.
“There was a definite process by which one made people into friends, and it involved talking to them and listening to them for hours at a time.” -Rebecca West
This stroll through my community has been ever-changing. I longed for bosom buddies with heartfelt camaraderie. I want to be with people who laugh, love, and cry wholeheartedly. A place where people may disagree but grow together.
So, where community was missing in my life, I built one. It’s a place where I’m advised, supported and get the giggles.
A Painful Loss on June 8, 2023
My closest friend died in a horrible car accident.
We met at age twelve. We were as thick as thieves. Yet, we never lived in the same community circle. It didn’t matter. We connected when we could. Even though she was an introvert and I was raising a family far away, we were inseparable at heart. An invisible string tied us together forever.
She was the soul mate I didn’t know I had until she was gone.
I was devastated when her mother called me. My heart was jolted from my soul; every hour screamed impermanence. That catastrophic day changed me.
She was a strawberry*
Over the Sea
One of my closest friends lives in the UK.
We’ve stayed in touch for over twenty years. We became friends when our daughters' international classes had a pen-pal project. At first, we wrote letters to one another and then made phone calls long distance.
In 2005, our families met for the first time in Florida at Disney World on a planned vacation. We’ve never lost touch. There was an eighteen-year gap before I saw her again in person. Last year, with our husbands, we met up in Ireland. We mainly communicate through WhatsApp.
She’s a strawberry.*
Online communities have charm.
I met a woman on an online migraine support group. I didn’t think it was possible to have a real friend electronically. We live on opposite sides of the country. But we connected so deeply that we’ve met in person twice. We talk weekly on Marco Polo. It’s what works for us. Now that we found each other, we’ve both left the support group.
She’s a strawberry.*
Friends online or in-person, one isn’t better than the other. The key is finding a balance that includes both ways of staying connected.
Hosting
I started a game night with a couple of my high school friends. We lost touch in the 90’s, then later reunited through Facebook. Hosting is a pastime I learned from my grandmother. This no-pressure, come-and-have-fun style of community is my favorite.
Not everyone has the space, time, or the means to host. I keep it simple. A pre-done veggie tray, crackers, and some fruit. BYOB, be it herbal tea or a wine cooler. Be comfortable. Bring your own. Whichever game we choose, it’s not about the cards. It’s about socializing.
These girls are strawberries.*
Sister’s Weekend
Last October, I invited my half-sister, step-sister, her sister, and my sister-in-law on a weekend getaway. We live in four different States. Since then, we have played NYT Connection daily. Often, the text goes in another direction, but the game keeps us connected.
These girls are strawberries.*
Peanut Butter
I had a traumatic job loss. It was even more devastating because it involved harassment and women who turned their back on me. One co-worker stuck by my side like peanut butter on a baguette.
She’s a strawberry.*
An Unplugged Friend
I became friends with a Mennonite girl when I was 14.
We’ve been friends ever since. We raised our children together as friends, often meeting at the library and our homes. Even though today she owns an iPhone, she raised her children without a television. This has always amazed me. She uses modern technology like email, WhatsApp, and Pinterest.
However, she’s highly sensitive to the harshness of society and knows her limits. She’s not someone I can discuss world news with, and I respect that.
She’s a strawberry.*
Two More Gems Far from Home
I have a big family. You can’t pick your family or where they reside. But you can pick your strawberries.* My Aunt and Grandma are more than family; they are sweet red fruit topped over shortcakes.
*My Strawberry Community 🍓
In my phone contacts, there is a strawberry emoji in front of these ladies’ names. If I type a strawberry in the search bar, they group together. The strawberry patch method of connection helps remind me to check in more often. Sometimes I send a cute meme to everyone. Sometimes it’s making time to chat or physically stop by their house.
I smile 😃 when a strawberry 🍓 lights up my phone.
I don’t have a Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe — a Central Perk-kind-of-tribe. I have a garden of strawberries. My close-knit community is global, and unless they’re at my funeral, some of them may never meet. In better circumstances, I win the lottery. Then, we’re all going somewhere tropical on me.
