3 Truths You Must Digest to Become a Kinder Person
It’s never just about you.
Think back to a time when you snapped at someone, when you lost your cool, and reacted coldly to their warm offer of goodwill. I bet you didn’t mean to brush aside their helping mind. You just couldn’t help to do so because your mind was still stuck in an earlier state of annoyance. Or more likely, you were just tired of having another bad day.
And what about that poor soul, who’s probably still a bit shell-shocked, possibly even outraged at your unfair behaviour? Maybe they’re wise enough to realise that they were just a sounding board for your frustrations.
Or maybe, quite possibly, they’ve accepted the fact that they were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.
With a fresh pair of eyes, you’ll probably come to realise that you owe an apology. And though you wish a mere “sorry” would do the trick, you and I both know that there’s something bigger at play — that you struggle to be a kind enough person when it’s most needed.
And so, you want to change. You just don’t know how. You’re unsure where to begin. A quick-fix solution won’t help. You know that. Really, you need to start digesting some difficult truths. And in almost all of the 3 truths I’m about to tell you, the lasting message is this: it’s never all about you.
1. Most People Are Doing More for You Than You Realise
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Customer is king”. From day one, employees are told that it’s imperative to treat their customers with divine-like respect, no matter what.
Except, the problem with this idea is that it gives you, as the customer, the freedom to get away with just about anything.
You’re in a foul mood because you just finished arguing with your teenage kid. You carry this annoyance with you to the supermarket, taking your anger out at the 17-year-old cashier who say’s he’s unable to process your out-of-date coupons because he’s following “management orders”.
But you’re having none of it. You throw what can only be described as a tantrum. “Let me speak to your boss!” you exclaim, trying exert your dominance. “This is unacceptable behaviour. You should be fired!” The wave of insults goes on and on.
Truthfully, you know you’re trying your luck, and more than anything, you know you’re entitled to be a little brash with your words because the customer is king, right?
Wrong.
Let’s think about this for a second. What if the teenaged-cashier who’s day you’ve just ruined wasn’t standing behind the till?
What if, instead of making a few extra bucks to pay for community college, he didn’t have to be there because, all of a sudden, customers have to find their own way to the ice-cream section, collect their own tubs of full-fat yoghurt from the back of the pick-up truck, and yes, scan their own bags of Cheetos?
What if you, as the customer, were suddenly no longer entitled to the luxuries you’ve been so accustomed to over the years, the ones that were being fulfilled by the service of those around you?
Life wouldn’t feel so great, would it?
And so, the next time you decide to vent your frustrations out at another human being, remember how they’re only trying to help you live a better life.
Quite simply, the 17-year old behind the till is doing a lot to make your day better by merely being there to scan your items. But what are you actually doing to make his day better?
Remember that the next time you kick up a fuss for no real reason. Remember how employees are entitled to just as much respect as the customer is. Why? Because they’re doing more for you than you realise.
And if I still don’t have you convinced, if you still wish to abide by the mantra of “customer is king”, then here’s something else to still think about (this time, from a real King):
“Kindness and faithfulness keep a king safe, through kindness his throne is made secure.” — King Solomon
2. Haven’t You Noticed, You’re Not the Only One Fighting a Battle…
It takes an acute sense of self-awareness to realise that you’re not the only person who’s finding life tough. You might think that everybody else is sunbathing by the beach, and smothering themselves with a fresh bouquet of roses, but you couldn’t be further from the truth.
And until you don’t realize you’re not the only person who feels like they’re stranded in the middle of a war zone, you’ll always struggle to open the door of kindness.
So the next time you run across a wet floor to make it to your 3pm meeting, don’t scoff at the janitor who’s peering at you with menacing eyes. Don’t tell yourself, “it’s his job to clean it up”. Remember how you’ve just cost him another 10 minutes on this floor, time he should be spending by the bedside of his sick relative.
I’m being purposely melodramatic, but you get the drift. You have no idea what battles other people are going through, so why not go out of your way to be an ally, not an enemy.
Again, it goes back to the principle that it’s never just about you. Offer a gentle smile, a well-mannered thank you, or better, an affectionate hug to someone who looks like they need it. You’ll feel so much better as a result.
The Roman philosopher, Lucius Annaeus Seneca said it best,
“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.”
3. The Glass Is 99% Full, but You Still Think It’s Empty
We spend so much time focusing on the top 1% in this world, the so-called ‘best of the best’, the ‘great of the greats’, you know, the ones that keep popping up on your Instagram feed.
But with an excessive exposure to the mere 1%, you’re slowly becoming accustomed to only noticing the 1% in what’s around you, missing the 99% that’s also there in existence.
And guess what, this habit is creeping into your relationships with those important people in your life too.
Think about how often you get annoyed at the 1% in a person’s habits, when you could be using that time to concentrate on the other 99% of amazing qualities they possess.
If you’re best friend lacks patience, and it drives you nuts to the point that you fall out every couple of months, be honest with yourself: is this trait of theirs something you can live with?
Are you simply obsessing with their bad habits, possibly in the hope they rectify their ways, when in fact, you’d be better off focusing on the remaining suite of incredible features they also possess?
Ultimately, an act of kindness comes from letting go of your inner agitation with the 1% in another person’s habits, by instead concentrating on what makes the remaining 99% within them so great.
In doing so, not only will you come across as a kinder person, but you’ll also find yourself happier too. As the old saying goes,
“When you look for the good in others, you discover the best in yourself”
A Quick Recap
You’ll know it’s time for a powerful change when you spend most of your day in a state of frustration with those around you. And such a change can only materialise after you’ve swallowed the harsh truth that it’s not all about you.
But rest assured, as Ralph Waldo Emerson says, it’s never too late to make that change.
“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”
Here’s what to remember:
- Most people are out there to try and help you to live a better life. Why not try doing something for them too.
- You’re not the only fighting a battle of life. Do your best to ease another person’s predicament. It’s certainly what you’d want if you were in their shoes.
- Most people have more good in them than you give credit for. Stop focusing on the 1% of their habits that wind you up. Start noticing the 99% of their traits that make you love them for who they are.
Every person could do with a helping hand, in some way, shape or form. Keep this in the back of your mind, and you’ll be well on your way towards becoming a kinder person.
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