A 5 Year Milestone I thought I would Never See
Five years ago today an event happened that forever changed how I live my daily life.
That was the day that I was finally diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury and post traumatic stress disorder. I’d been in a car accident, but this wasn’t an isolated event. For the last several years no matter what car I drove, or if I was just walking across the street, a car somehow found me and caused damage to me. And although I had been able to walk away from these other events, this time was incredibly different. A friend of mine who has fought in the ring told me… “At some point your number is called, and you just can’t get up. You can only take so many hits before you just gotta lay there.”
Since that day my brain and nervous system have never been the same. And it’s taken years for me (and my family) to adapt to this new lifestyle. It’s also taken me years to let go of the way I once saw myself, let go of who I was before the damage. Years to learn how to create the right accommodations for myself to exist in a world that isn’t ready to accept someone who is “not-so-typical” and rethink how I will continue my passion and my life.
I’ve taken a healing path that many don’t follow. One that is VERY alternative and far from what many would see as medical help. I’ve traveled the allopathic medial route and it has been great for me when it came to emergencies, but traumatizing for me beyond that. So I travel a more intuitive, ancient and traditional path. A path that isn’t for everyone.
But for me, the path I’ve chosen has been the right one. For me, trusting my inner wisdom and moving forwards in a way that honored my innate ability to know how to cultivate healing has been highly beneficial. It’s led me to healing modalities I never knew about before. I’ve learned about healing in a wholistic way beyond what we are taught in school. A way that has been inclusive of physical, mental, emotional, energetic and spiritual. And to all my teachers and healing facilitators I am grateful!
The way I live my life now, is miles from where I was 5 years ago.
I never thought I would be here today. Sure, I still live with traumatic brain injury symptoms. Sure, I still live with certain effects of PTSD every day. This is my new normal. But it’s a far cry from the pain and torture I was going through every second of the day that was so unbearably intense (even when needing to be a caregiver to our child who is autistic, and the only person who manages our entire household), that I was constantly on the edge, and thoughts were always present telling me to end my life. I’m glad I didn’t.
The Universe finally got this stubborn person to take notice and listen. Now, I am slowing down. I am simplifying my life. I am intentionally doing what honors my unique needs, my boundaries and stretching, but only going to my edge…instead of pushing beyond. I am letting go of appeasing my ego and listening to what people tell me I “Should do”, and instead I’m trusting my inner teacher and advisor…which is helping me heal and grow every day.
I am doing what brings me pleasure, lifts me up and feeds my soul. That unto itself has been very healing. I am connecting with Mother Nature, and people that appreciate me for who I am now and how I can connect with them, instead of forcing myself into situations that try to make me go beyond my abilities.
Many of us travel this healing journey and feel alone, isolated and struggle as well as suffer. But that doesn’t have to be the way to heal. We don’t need to suffer to heal. We don’t need to follow a path that may not be working for us, and we deserve a higher quality of life based on our own personal definition and our abilities now.
So, in honor of the positive growth and healing that has occurred in the last 5 years for me on this very alternative healing path, I ask this one favor of you…
Tune in and ask yourself “What is working for me?”
Create a book of “What Works For Me” to help you on days when things seem to be at their darkest.
Take a good look at every aspect of your life; areas in your home environment that bring a sense of grounded safety and comfort, physical activities that feel good to you and are fun, foods & recipes that leave you feeling invigorated, healthy and nurtured; Friends that appreciate you for who you are and love you unconditionally; Places in nature that nourish your soul, delight you and ground you, ways you can express yourself creatively and hobbies that light you up, any form of education you would like to pursue, a spiritual practice that resonates and brings you peace, daily routines or habits that help you manage your time and keep things more organized and simplified for you….. I think you get the drift.
I don’t know where you are on your healing journey, but for me, after what I have been through, not only over the last 5 years after being officially diagnosed, but through all the years of never being diagnosed and having to adapt anyway- I ask you to be patient, compassionate and nurturing with yourself. You are the only person you will truly spend your entire life with 24/7. Cultivate a relationship with yourself that is nurturing, compassionate, respectful, appreciative and encouraging. Because you deserve it.
Healing comes from within, it comes from letting ourselves cultivate balance and harmony on all levels of being (physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically and spiritually). Pushing beyond my personal boundaries to appease another has only ever left me regretting my choices, and my guess is that it’s left you depleted, regretful and in pain as well.
My wish for you, on my 5 Year Milestone…is to know UNCONDITIONAL LOVE from yourself to your Self.
May you be peace filled
May you be happy
May you be safe
May you awaken to the light of your own true nature, and live with ease
May you be free
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