When God Moves Us by Renee Fesser
“ Wake up,” says my internal clock it is 4 am and time to write about the love you so desire and the love you fear.
“ I am awake,” I say to the cat and my brain and stretch.
When morning hurls the light into tiny cracks I find the sweetness and wake to write about the love.
I have been running from love and fully living for awhile now. This is the aftermath of grief. My return to love and the life and the living is a slow yet steady descent.
This morning I ask myself what happens when God moves us?
When God moves us and the people around us?
What happens if love moves next door?
There is no place to run. When love moves next door one is forced to face love and the potential of loving as there is no place to run other than behind a closed door or fence. Eventually one needs to emerge. Is this God’s sense of humor?
Does God move us to make us uncomfortable to help us grow and leave or move towards things that we would not venture on our own?
You may not believe in God.
You may believe in “ the universe” or serendipity or human nature.
Whatever you believe in I ask you to start asking some questions. These questions that I recommend are those that I too have been pondering.
Start with this one: What keeps you here in your discomfort still stuck if you are feeling this way?
What prevents you from living the life you want and desire?
What holds you back?
Is it fear or regret or your own enslavement?
If you do believe in a loving God what would this God want for us?
Some heavy questions I know! I am working on the answers myself and believe me we are all a work in progress. This life is an interesting one.
Confession.
The following might come as no surprise.
Here we go….
I have a love interest that has moved in next door. At first I avoided and now I am wondering why. So I will explore this with gentle curiosity. This my friends takes some courage and self compassion.
What has come up so far is that I am alive and here and very much in need of human connection. We are wired to need human connection.
This is my morning conversation with God.
God, I am here and I am a work in progress. Thanks for this day and everything it brings. I am scared to love again. I am scared to let go of the remains of yesterday. I am fearful of my own heart and my own mind most days. God, are you listening? Why do you move me so? You speak to this restless heart encouraging me to wake and take some baby steps moving forward. You speak to my wounded heart and remind me that I am a sweet creation. You love me with all of flaws and remind me it is ok to take things slow and let the light of love move in next door. Windows and doors are for opening. We can start slow and begin to open.
God, I hear you this morning and I am willing to start living this beautiful, crazy life. I write and breathe deep. I look out to witness the world wakening and I get ready for the day.
What happens when God moves us? We begin to shake things up because life has been shaken up and we get that little nudge that says “ it is ok to begin to feel something other than sadness and grief again”.
More to come…..
Love
Renee
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