Parenting 101: Cussing In Front of Your Kids
Let’s not sugarcoat shit — there are way more important things you need to worry about
I’m a mom, and I drop the “F-bomb.”
I’m guessing more than your average sailor but probably less than the usual Netflix comedy special. Although, admittedly, it’s a lot.
But, frankly, my dear, I don’t give a fuck. Or shit.
There. I said it. (Again.)
MOTHER f*cker
Look, I know that I will never be “Mom of the Year,” but it won’t be because I cuss. (It will probably be because I accidentally bumped her head in the doorframe as a baby, or that one time I scheduled her birthday party on the wrong day, or when I had a panic attack and made an ass out of myself at her first dance recital rehearsal. The list will continue, I’m sure.)
Honestly, my goal has always been to make her *just* dysfunctional enough to be funny and independent but still want to take care of me when I’m old. (Husband adds “us.”)
I’ve seen this child crap out a whole piece of carrot, and she literally projectile puked INTO her father’s mouth, so I’m thinking she OWES us.
Do I cuss AT her? No, I’m not a psychopath!
Do I cuss around and perhaps in her direction?
Maybe, probably, yeah.
I can’t help it. “What the fuck” is a knee-jerk response. It’s burned into my brain more than fight or flight. I mean, when it comes down to deciding between those two, I’m most definitely going to add a precursor to that decision with a verbal and most like rhetorical, “What The Fuck?!”
Same goes for “shit.” Although surprising to some, that word is never used to describe bathroom stuff. Poo or Poop — only, please. Let’s be a bit civilized. I use the S-word in place for “things/toys,” as in, “You need to pick up your shit in the playroom,” or “The dog ripped open one of his toys, so please pick up the shit (stuffing) in the living room.”
Sticks and stones and science
It all boils down to this: words only have the power you give them. That is what we want to teach our kids, right? Words are just words. Our actions tell the truth. We are all trying our best to do right by our kids.
My kid knows that “choice words” are earned with age, like a diver’s license or being able to vote. But again, it’s one thing to use profanity and another to spew it AT someone. Should the day come and she cusses at me, you best know I will be coming after her with a shoe in hand. I don’t care how old she is. We have an understanding and we have taught her respect.
I get that this is not the parenting style of most. To each their own. I *try* to be respectful of that and scale back on the colorful language when I’m around other children.
(Side note — I remember when my older brother was in high school, my mom tried to make him say “firetruck” in place of the work fuck when he was around me. I was nine and knew that was stupid, but it was kinda funny when my mom would scream, “firetruck, firetruck, Bubba!” when he slipped up.)
Will I ever clean up my act and shout, “What the fudge?” — doubt it. And, from what I hear I’m in good company. I’m not alone in this “bad moms” club! In fact, I was inspired to write this after reading Nicole Akers piece on the taboo subject.
She writes that, as moms, we shouldn’t strive for sainthood, but we should give ourselves some grace and not feel like shit when we say fuck.
Also, according to Discover Magazine, cussing actually does the body good!
“Studies have shown that swearing relieves stress, dulls the sensation of pain, fosters camaraderie among peers and is linked with traits like verbal fluency, openness and honesty.”
So parents, there ya fuckin’ have it. You don’t have to be perfect or sound perfect. You just have to do your best and wing the rest.
