Maybe The Force is just cranky from being woken up too early

Now that most people who wanted to see the Star Wars movie have already seen it, I thought it was an important time to offer some serious commentary about “The Force Awakens.”

First of all, I should mention that I grew up a geek, and I did like all of the Star Wars movies, especially Spaceballs (the Mel Brooks spoof, in case you have led an incomplete life and not seen Spaceballs). So, while I will at least try to appear to be objective, I am in reality just about as objective as a professional wrestling announcer.

In my church a few weeks before the movie came out (and I promise this is true) in a hymn where the congregation was singing, “Though the foe be near…” I thought the word said something different, so I sang, “Though the Force be near…”

With the new movie, I liked it a lot, but I didn’t really understand the name. Didn’t it seem like the Force has been awake the whole time? Isn’t that why there is a bad guy in the movie in the first place, because he was using the bad part of the Force?

I should admit that for most of the movie, I thought the bad guy was a giant. I really didn’t get it at all.

I am not sure why anyone would want to follow a giant bad guy anyway, or try to be loyal to him. Does he offer a nice insurance package? I can just see him at the annual Death Star Holiday Party, passing out snacks and trying to make all of the Storm Troopers feel appreciated even though they seem to have terrible jobs.

I don’t think I would like to be a storm trooper. The costumes do not look very comfortable, and the uniform colors do not let you blend in at all unless you are fighting a war in the snow. I think that for someone as smart as Darth Vader or the new bad guys, they could figure out a new color scheme for the uniforms.

Speaking of smart, I don’t really understand all of the droids either. If they could make a droid that can tap into computers and carry data like R2 D2, couldn’t they also make him able to speak English instead of all of those beeps?

Along the same lines, in the 1970s, R2 D2 was amazing because he could plug into computers, hold computer discs and holograms and store data. Today, though, isn’t he really just a fancy flash drive? I assume he can do a few other things, but I think a flash drive you carry in your pocket can accomplish many of the same tasks as that droid.

As for the new droid in the new movie, I don’t understand how it would work rolling around like that. That wheel thing looked cool in the movie, but I am not sure who practical it would really be.

Speaking of not practical, I still don’t quite understand why the people on the dark side of the Force would build a giant planet that is also a weapon that can be used to blow up other planets. Can’t they just put the weapon on a planet they are already on? Can’t the weapon just go on a spaceship if it has to be mobile?

Do you realize how hard it would be to build an entire planet or “death star”? How would you start it? Do you take your plans to an architect?

Also, how do they make gravity there? And if you have the ability to build a whole planet, why not just build a planet and control it yourself instead of using it to try to control the universe? Why not build a whole bunch of planets and go into the real estate business. That’s what Trump would do.

What does anyone really gain by controlling the universe anyway? Darth Vader and the Emperor never looked very happy in the original Star Wars movies. Darth Vader didn’t even seem to take vacations or go out to eat. He was just working all the time while wearing a cape. I would like to think that he at least plays poker with the Storm Troopers or maybe watches movies with them. I kind of think Darth Vader and the new bad guy are both people who would be talking during movies and would be kind of annoying.

Also, with all of these people who can use the Force in these movies, I don’t get why they ever use light sabers. Why not just push people with their Force push power thing, or throw objects into them?

So, despite the fact that I have not really said much about the actual movie, I loved The Force Awakens and highly recommend it. The movie is somewhat similar to the original Star Wars movie, but I think that that’s a good thing.

If you haven’t seen it yet, you definitely should. More importantly, though, if you do go to see it, get some popcorn with butter. Movie popcorn with butter makes every movie worthwhile.