Daily Conversation #21 — Mason Forbes
Day #21
For the 21st talk of this project, I talked with my buddy Mason Forbes. Mason is the guy who introduced me to the guy from yesterday’s talk, Jack.
I originally told Mason I had a couple cool questions to ask him and so his was probably going to be pretty different. It definitely ended up being different…for another reason.
Because for each of these talks I’m not really sure if the person has read any of the other pieces — or even knew about the idea, for that matter — I usually preface the conversation with my goals.
I typically emphasize how important it is to me to connect with the other person. I also explain how these conversations allow me an opportunity to ask myself and the other person to be fully present in the conversation. I haven’t had to ask anybody to put their phone down or anything which has been amazing. I think that when I ask people, they understand the general idea of the project without me explaining it.
I also let the other person know how it’s important to me to try to learn with that person. For the majority of the talks, I really do feel closer and more connected with that person. After a lot of these talks, I’ve even received cool messages from the participant saying they enjoyed it too and it was therapeutic for them.
My point with all this, was that after I explained all of this, Mason led the beginning of the conversation.
He picked up that I was also trying to develop a better skill of having interesting conversations more fluidly. He asked if I believed that I was already starting to notice that. I hadn’t realized it but I was starting to notice it.
I had also mentioned that I wanted to be able to sit down and talk to anybody anywhere. He asked if I had reached that point yet. I definitely haven’t reached it to where I hope to, but I’ve progressed.
I was happy Mason asked these questions. It felt like he was really a part of the project and wanted to understand it. It also felt nice for me to gauge my progress by having someone inquire.
As we discussed my motivations further, I told him that I really enjoy these conversations because it feels transcendant of typical conversations. It feels as though this project affords me the opportunity to ask people to be a part of it and it’s implicitly understood to not be passive.
These conversations are certainly not passive. That’s why we don’t have conversations like this all the time. They require mental energy. But I fear that when I’m not actively working on this project, I don’t have these conversations more than once or twice a week.
I think it’s really important that we try to engage in real-life discussions on a daily basis. They’re stimulating, they help us experience companionship, they are therapeutic. There is absolutely nothing negative about having sincere conversations with people, especially those close to us!
Mason did point out something: people want to have these conversations primarily when they’re interested. This is certainly a good point, it takes two to participate, so one person not being interested results in a poor conversation.
I listened to a TED Radio Hour podcast today that discussed how important it is to just listen. It hit hard because the podcast was a series of different talks and all of them reflected the benefits of these conversations I’m partaking in.
I wanted to write this to reaffirm that these conversations and pieces are beneficial for me, the other participant, the readers, but that I want to share the message that anybody reading this should do their best to seek out these conversations with the people close in their lives.
I appreciate Mason pushing me a bit to help confirm these beliefs I’ve been having.
When I told Mason his piece would be a bit different, it was because I remembered something earlier today that I had heard in a podcast months ago. This guy mentions that when you’re recalibrating and figuring out your life, it’s important to ask yourself a couple questions.
If you died today, how would people around you eulogize you?
And
If you died today, how would you wish people around you eulogized you?
These are vastly different questions. One asks what we believe people think about us; the other asks what we hope people think about us.
(I don’t want anybody to take this as me believing you should focus on what other people think about you. This is more pointing out how we think we live our lives vs how we actually live our lives.)
Mason believes that those around him believe that he always stood up for himself and always took chances. He hopes that people around him would know that they could always let their guards down around him.
Mason is a good guy and those around him know that. We know that he won’t judge and will be a friend if need be, so I feel as though these two answers overlap to the point where he’s living his life truthfully to how he sets out to.
I ask myself those same questions often. I’m not so sure they always overlap so cleanly. It’s something that isn’t easy, but part of this project is me living how I set out to.
This isn’t Mason’s main quote, but he said something interesting when we were discussing this.
If you’re generous at heart, you don’t need recognition.
I always hope that people who know me know that I have sincere intentions when I set out to do things. But as I noted a couple weeks ago, sometimes I start to feed on the recognition I get. It’s a difficult balance sometimes. It’s nice to have recognition, but craving recognition is destructive.
Passion versus motivation was another topic we talked about. Mason believes it’s possible to be motivated by something you’re not passionate about, but he doesn’t believe it’s possible to be passionate about something you’re not motivated by. I completely agree.
I have trouble with this quite a bit. I’m obsessed with stepping back and questioning my motives. Whenever I feel unhappy, confused, or conflicted, I try to diagnose it immediately. Unsurprisingly, this just leads to more confusion and confliction. Basically, I end up trapped in my own head wondering what motivates me and makes me happy.
Writing is the most therapeutic medium I’ve found. When I write about these conversations, my brain consolidates what I learned from that person and that conversation.
After talking with Mason, he and I discussed some of the issues I’ve been conflicted about.
We came to the mutual conclusion that it’s crucial to be introspective, analytical, and cognizant of the implications, but if you feel truly impassioned, also risky. If it’s something that makes you happy and feel passion, then the risk is almost surely worth it.
I’ve read before that most people don’t look back at their lives and regret the moments of action, they regret the moments of inaction. The moments of inaction are what create that “what if?” pit feeling in our guts. I want to avoid that as much as I can.
You can do anything you want. You are bound by nothing. In the end, everyone dies anyway.
What’s stopping us from doing what we truly enjoy? Sure, it may be money, time, or some other restraint, but is it really stopping us? Or is that just an excuse?
Most of the time, I think it’s an excuse. For the other times, I think it’s just a roadblock. No matter what, you never know if you don’t try.
I appreciate talking, Mason. I had a helluva time. Best of luck to you, man, I know you’re going to do great things!
Previous Piece: Daily Conversation #20 — Jack Hinders
Following Piece: Daily Conversation #22 — Brandon Perry
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