Onward! Lessons From Women Who Teach and Inspire
Honoring the Anniversary of the Women’s March on Washington
My goddaughter, Dylenah, turned 11 this January. She is bright, creative, kind, energetic, sassy, and beautiful… and she has already conquered more obstacles than many people face in an entire lifetime… and it is extraordinary to watch.
She loves purple, peacocks, and pirouettes…
She sings Bob Marley in the car…
We don’t see each other enough — life gets in the way — so for Christmas and her birthday, I like to find out what she wants most and make sure she gets it.
But this year I did something different.
Instead of ordering the new, hip gadget or toy, a life-like doll, or any other glittering must-have from her expertly curated Amazon shopping list this Christmas, I thought a little more about what, exactly, an 11 year old girl needs after a year that has truly shaken us to our core.
I wanted to find a way to make her experience in the world — as a woman — just a little better than mine.
I landed on “Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls: Volumes 1 & 2.”
Together these texts hold more than 200 exquisitely illustrated stories of extraordinary women who had the audacity to “dream bigger, aim higher, and fight harder.” They understood the obstacles in front of them, and they understood those obstacles were not insurmountable — even as they were belittled, mocked, oppressed, forgotten, and — in some cases — erased from history. Still, these brave, curious, passionate pioneers found a way to jump over, slip under, or navigate around the barriers they faced, and in doing so, broke down many barriers for the women who would one day follow.
The stories include women from all walks of life and from all over the world: Cleopatra to Coco Chanel; The Bronte Sisters to Beyonce; Grace O’Malley to Gloria Steinem; Hatshepsut to Hillary Clinton; Joan Jett to Jane Goodall; Malala Yousafzai to Michelle Obama; Sojourner Truth to Sonia Sotomayor…
I believe it’s important to wrap our girls in a cocoon of stories about strong women, rebellious souls, rebel rousers defying the odds — because if they don’t see it — if there is no model for what women can be — how will they know there is no limit to what they can become.
How do they know their promise when the most qualified candidate for president in history
is dismissed summarily
by misogyny
How can they know there’s a place for them in an America that’s great
when their leader tweets to greet the morning with rage and hate
And at the lemonade stand he makes 10 cents but she only makes 8
How can they feel empowered in a world where the president’s words on loop on their tv screens
sound less like respect and more like pornography
When laws are proposed to remove their bodily autonomy
but never one passed to recognize their humanity
I guess great isn’t great for everybody.
I know you’ve been told it’s not all that bad
But your action must be more than a passing fad
If you want her to know she’s more than just a pussy to grab
So do the work, tell your story, bend a knee
Because nothing … nothing worth having is free
Listen close, #timesup, but take this note
None of this matters if you don’t vote.
Educate. Entertain. Inspire.
I’ve become obsessed with story. We only really get to see the world through our own lens, but through story we’re able to see through someone else’s lens — however briefly or imperfectly.
It’s smart to crave other people’s experiences, because they are living entire lives that you will never get to live — there’s so much you’re missing. Similarly, others will never know what it is to live your experience. So if you want them to know, if you want them to understand you and empathize with you, you must tell your stories. No matter our differences, we all have stories that others can learn from. Story is the art of embracing.
No one promised it would be easy. Finding the right words can mean many fumbled attempts — crumpled paper balls surrounding the waste can, taking notes in the margins, ruined mascara and one teardrop splashing, then carving it’s way down a perfectly scripted page. We may stumble around in the dark for years before we get it just right — whatever that means. But the alternative is to allow someone else to set the narrative — to allow someone else to decide what our stories are, which ones are important, the parts we are allowed to tell, and who will be able to hear them. That’s what we’ve been doing, but the time for that is over. We must own those stories — take back our narrative. And in taking back our narrative, we take back our power.
You can tell the stories of where you’ve been, the stories of the present — of this movement, or the stories of where we go from here. Story is the art of capture.
No doubt he last few years have been exhausting— a barrage of insult and injury careening toward us at the speed of light. From our government; From the media; Even from our families and friends. It’s been both reprehensible and devastating — but we must tell these stories too. They are part of who we’ve become. They are part of why we rise. And just maybe story is the art of letting go.
But this past year has also been inspiring. Watching good people everywhere — led by Nasty Women — rise up and take a stand. Women make nearly 90% of the phone calls to congressional offices. Nearly 80% of the #Resistance is represented by women. This grassroots resistance began with the first Women’s March that we remember today — the largest mass protest in American History. And by the looks of it, yesterday’s numbers may challenge that record. However, women have also represented a majority of the grassroots activists at marches and for all issues, from Climate Change to the March for Science, to Black Lives Matter. And #MeToo speaks for itself.
Rebel women are, indeed, leading the resistance. We are on the phones, in front of legislative offices, in the streets, and all over Twitter. And just as these women inspire us, they teach us. I’ve learned so much by following the work of inspiring women over this past year and I wanted to share some of those lessons with you here today. It was so difficult to choose only a few strong women to highlight because there are so many women we can look to as examples of strength, dignity, and valor. As we talk today about where we go from here, keep these lessons from just a few inspiring women at the forefront of your mind.
Tell Your Story. Your Story is Your Truth. And Truth is a Powerful Tool.
In her recent Golden Globes speech Oprah Winfrey issued a “powerful charge to the young girls watching at home to tell their own stories, to fight for their own values, and to battle injustice with the certainty that they will be seen and heard… She urged the invisible to speak up, become engaged, transform policy, and find their own power. It was a speech about moving from passivity and acceptance to furious, mobilized participation and a call for allies in that fight.”
“What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have… For too long, women have not been heard or believed if they dared to speak their truth to the power of those men, but their time is up.
Their time is up. And the truth marches onward…with every woman who chooses to say, “Me too” and every man, every man who chooses to listen… A new day is on the horizon.
And when that new day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of magnificent women… and some pretty phenomenal men fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders who take us to the time when nobody ever has to say, “Me too” again.
Become Educated. Raise Your Voice for Those Who Cannot Speak.
You are one person. At times it might seem that your story isn’t important, but as a woman in this society you have been silenced — if not individually, collectively by hegemonic masculinity. Malala tells us:
“We realize the importance of our voices only when we are silenced.”
Stepping out — sticking your neck out can be frightening, but
“Don’t be afraid — if you are afraid, you can’t move forward.”
Even if you are one of the lucky ones, one of the women who have privilege, who have a voice, we cannot rise if we leave others behind.
“I raise up my voice-not so I can shout but so that those without a voice can be heard…we cannot succeed when half of us are held back.”
And as you resist and fight for justice, educate yourselves. Know the issues. Learn the law. Be a critical consumer of your news. Malala knows more than anyone how important education can be. She was ready to give her life for the freedom to learn.
“Let us pick up our books and our pens, they are the most powerful weapons… The extremists are afraid of books and pens, the power of education frightens them. they are afraid of women.”
Yes. Extremists are afraid of women. They are afraid of educated women, because…
“If one man can destroy everything, why can’t one girl change it?”
“There are two powers in the world; one is the sword and the other is the pen.
But there is a third power stronger than both, that of women.”
Be Brave. Be Vulnerable. Get Uncomfortable.
Brené Brown has taught us how to live wholeheartedly, how to get into the arena, and how to get back up when we’ve been knocked down. In her most recent work she asks us to brave the wilderness. The wilderness is the space we have to be willing to go in order to be ourselves, to live with authenticity, and to speak up for what we believe in with integrity.
“True belonging is not passive. It’s not the belonging that comes with just joining a group. It’s not fitting in or pretending or selling out because it’s safer. It’s a practice that requires is to be vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with people without sacrificing who we are…
Most of us are either making the choice to protect ourselves from conflict, discomfort, and vulnerability by staying quiet, or picking sides and in the process slowly and paradoxically adopting the behavior of the people we’re fighting. Either way, the choices we’re making to protect our beliefs and ourselves are leaving us disconnected, afraid, and lonely…
There will be times when standing alone feels too hard, too scary, and we’ll doubt our ability to make our way through the uncertainty. Someone, somewhere, will say, ‘Don’t do it. You don’t have what it takes to survive the wilderness.’ This is when you reach deep into your wild heart and remind yourself, ‘I am the wilderness.’”
These are turbulent times, and like Malala, Michelle Obama urges us to…
Be Focused. Be Determined. Be Hopeful. Be Empowered.
“Don’t be afraid… Empower yourself with a good education. Then get out there and use that education to build a country worthy of your boundless promise. Lead by example with hope; never fear.
Focus On What You Can Control.
Be a good person every day. Vote. Read. Treat one another kindly. Follow the law. Don’t tweet nasty stuff.”
But even more than that, Michelle urges us to do something.
Step Up and Start Organizing. Share Your Story.
We cannot allow ourselves to be so disgusted that we just shut off the TV and walk away. And we can’t just sit around wringing our hands. Now, we need to recover from our shock and depression and do what women have always done in this country. We need you to roll up your sleeves. We need to get to work. Because remember this:
When they go low, we go …High!
Yes, we do.
And voting ourselves is a great start, but we also have to step up and start organizing. So we need you to make calls and knock on doors and get folks to the polls on Election Day and sign up to volunteer…And, young people and not-so-young people, get on social media. Share your own story of why this… matters, why it should matter for all people of conscience in this country. There is so much at stake.
It’s not always easy to tell your story and your voice will not always be welcome in the conversation. Even if you’re educated, competent, and passionate.
Persist In Speaking — and Speak Louder.
Senator Elizabeth Warren’s most notable lesson this year came to us in a moment when she was cast out of the arena. In a speech on the Senate floor, she read the words of Corretta Scott King into the record as a critique of attorney general nominee Sen. Jeff Sessions. Republican Senators, in a notoriously failed attempt to to minimize Warren’s message, used a little known rule to silence her and tell her to sit down.
“Sen. Warren was giving a lengthy speech… She had appeared to violate the rule. She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.”
Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell
In the true spirit of persistence, Liz took that letter to the hallway, fired up Facebook Live, and read every single word to an audience of 4.5 million.
When asked about all the attention this moment received, she said:
“This isn’t about me — this is about tens of millions of women who are tired of being told to sit down and be quiet.”
And never forget it’s important to
Find Your Tribe
When Elizabeth no longer had a voice on the Senate floor, Bernie Sanders, Jeff Merkley, Tom Udall, Sherrod Brown, and Sheldon Whitehouse — all male colleagues — took up her cause and read the letter… without rebuke or censure, of course. As much as we need each other, we need the support of the good men who share our values.
Maxine Waters has taught us so much this year about what it means — what it looks like and sounds like — to hold fast to your principles, to stand up for what you believe in, to speak out against injustice… but one of her most valuable messages for women everywhere was no doubt —
Reclaim Your Time.
In the Washington Post, Christine Emba noted, “In a year studded with absurd examples of men interrupting their female colleagues, a dignified woman’s firm insistence on being heard and getting straight to business was a welcome and empowering surprise.” The phrase was seized upon by women tired of mansplaining and interruptions, and took mainstream and social media and by storm.
In this one action, Maxine teaches us a few things:
Once you do manage to elbow your way into your seat at the table — no matter where it is…
- Always know the rules. If you don’t know the rules, you can’t use them to your advantage.
- Use words that are simple and concise and repeat as necessary.
- Stand up for your time to speak. Do not allow others to derail you.
And always remember to amplify the words and work of your sisters.
Be Intersectional. Resist. Do Not Rest Until Freedom Comes.
Angela Davis gave what was possibly the most powerful Women’s March speech last year. Not only did she touch upon the subject of equal rights, she spoke on a variety of equally important topics. She reminded us that this movement of ours must be intersectional and inclusive to truly be transformational. She said,
“We represent the powerful forces of change that are determined to prevent the dying cultures of racism, hetero-patriarchy from rising again.
We recognize that we are collective agents of history and that history cannot be deleted like web pages.
And she shined a light on the promise of feminism — intersectional feminism — as we move forward.
“This is a women’s march and this women’s march represents the promise of feminism as against the pernicious powers of state violence. And inclusive and intersectional feminism that calls upon all of us to join the resistance to racism, to Islamophobia, to anti-Semitism, to misogyny, to capitalist exploitation.”
During this administration she called for
“Resistance on the ground, resistance in the classrooms, resistance on the job, resistance in our art and in our music.”
And closed her epic speech in saying
“This is just the beginning and in the words of the inimitable Ella Baker, ‘We who believe in freedom cannot rest until it comes.’
We cannot rest until it comes.
Act. Stay Connected. Don’t Ask for Permission — Take Control.
Legendary feminist icon Gloria Steinem has spent the better part of her life fighting for women’s equality. Gloria encourages all of us to join the resistance, explaining that we cannot be torn apart if we choose to be unified. Our collective voice demands to be heard — and we will never give up.When asked about the Women’s March Participants she said,
‘I think I just had to wait for some of my friends to be born’
Sometimes we must put our bodies where our beliefs are. Sometimes pressing send is not enough.
“This is an outpouring of energy and true democracy like I have never seen in my very long life. It is wide in age. It is deep in diversity. And remember the constitution does not begin with “I, the president.” It begins with “We, the people.”
Do not try to divide us.
We are here and around the world for a deep democracy that says we will not be quiet, we will not be controlled, we will work for a world in which all countries are connected. God may be in the details, but the goddess is in connections. We are at one with each other, we are looking at each other, not up.
We are linked. We are not ranked. And this is a day that will change us forever because we are together. Each of us individually and collectively will never be the same again. When we elect a possible president we too often go home. We’ve elected an impossible president, we’re never going home. We’re staying together. And we’re taking over.”
Resist. Insist. Persist. Enlist.
Rise Up. Fight for What’s Right. Run. It’s Worth It.
If you ask me who inspires me most or who is that one person, in all of human history, I’d wish to sit and talk with for an hour, I wouldn’t hesitate. It’s the inimitable Hillary Clinton. Meeting with her for just a moment was easily one of the greatest days of my life so far. She was stunning.
I admire her brilliant mind, her strength, her grit, her tenacity. The way she never, ever gives up. And when she’s not trapped inside some little box of what some man said she’s supposed to be — a definition which is in constant motion — she is witty and snarky… and I love that about her. On many days when I felt like throwing my hands up, I thought of Hillary, of all that she’s endured and risen above and thought…Fight like Hillary, this is nothing.
Of course, Hillary was the first to stand up and proclaim, “Women’s rights are human rights.” Yet she’s stood tall in the face of accusations, name-calling, and indignities, the likes of which we’ve never seen before on the political stage, because she is a woman.
On this administration she says,
“Too many women have had a lifetime of practice taking this kind of indignity in stride.”
But even in her electoral defeat, however questionable, Hillary makes a point to rise and remind us …
Our constitutional democracy demands our participation, not just every four years, but all the time. We need you to keep up these fights now and for the rest of your lives.
She told us,
Never stop believing that fighting for what’s right is worth it.
She was so proud to be our champion and left us with this:
I know we have still not shattered that highest and hardest glass ceiling, but someday someone will.
And for now,
Never doubt that you are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world to pursue and achieve your own dreams.
Let us have faith in each other, let us not grow weary and lose heart, for there are more seasons to come and there is more work to do.
Even now, Hillary is mobilizing to encourage more women to run for office. And her message to you is this:
I can’t blame any woman who has doubts about facing the sexism and double standard that comes with seeking elected office. Many of us are also our own harshest critic — we mull over our shortcomings, list the reasons why we’re not qualified, and think about all the people who should run instead. That’s what I did the first time someone approached me about running for office. You know what? I got over it, and so can you.
You are valuable and powerful. You are eminently qualified and capable… use your unique gifts and skills to make your community, our country, and our world a better place.
You can do this.
And just yesterday she about broke the internet with a tweet that read:
She’s still fighting. So, now it’s your turn. What will you do?
It’s only fear that keeps us from acting. We must push past our fear and be courageous, because if we’re not courageous, who will teach our daughters to be? There’s no perfect solution, magic potion, or magic pill — not even a savior — a perfect politician — who will tackle all of these problems for us. We are the answer. We are the women we’ve been waiting for. The cause is right; the time is now.
