Two Stories of Gratitude and Joy to Help Heal from Abuse
Gratitude and joy have helped me get through, and recover from some really difficult situations. They’re not a fix-all, but they do end up being powerful tools towards a happier existence.
Almost two years ago, I started a gratitude journal. I was in a toxic workplace. I was looking for options to leave there, but I couldn’t afford to quit my job just yet. I did what I could to deal with the toxicity, but it was difficult and getting worse.
A friend recommended I start a daily gratitude journal, and listen to a certain episode of The Happiness Lab Podcast, (I can’t remember which episode.) I followed her advice.
Almost every night, I wrote down 5 things I was thankful for. Some days were easy. Some days were more difficult. Some days I was thankful for clean drinking water and fresh air. Some days I was thankful for a person in my life, my comfortable bed, or for ice cream.
As it became more of a practice, I noticed that I was more easily able to appreciate things: big things and smaller, simple things, I was happier overall.
It didn’t fix my workplace situation, but it did help me find other sources to brighten my experience. It helped take the focus away from the difficult parts of my life, and be mindfully aware of some wonderful things.
The gratitude journal was a life raft until I could leave that job.
I did find another job, and now I work with wonderful people.
I was consistent with the gratitude journal for almost a year. I might miss a night here or there, but I’d made it part of my nightly routine.
Life became brighter, like a dimmer switch coming up.
I finally felt ready to date.
I started dating someone. I’ve written about the relationship in some of my earlier posts this year. Many of his behaviours were consistent with narcissistic abuse. I was fighting for my freedom to be myself because he kept telling me to change. As I was trying to defend my choices and lifestyle, I felt my energy depleting. I was emotionally and mentally exhausted. I stopped my gratitude journal; I didn’t have energy for the few minutes of gratitude. The relationship lasted less than 3 months, then it was over. It was a learning experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
I searched for a specialized therapist. I watched countless videos on Youtube from Dr. Ramani and others. I started reading articles on Medium, from authors like Leonora Watkins, which helped me identify some of the behaviours I couldn’t quite put words to. I wrote, a lot.
I found a therapist, and I started taking notice of small joys. I started My Joy Journal as a way to share some of the techniques I’m learning to maximize everyday pleasure and make time for joy, as well as sharing some of the things I appreciate. I’ve restarted my gratitude journal.
My life started becoming brighter, lighter. Again, like a dimmer switch illuminating my life, or a sunrise to start a new chapter.
Joy is a practice. The more we commit to joy, the easier and more often we’ll find it in our lives.
Joy helps heal.
Recovery from abuse and toxicity isn’t easy. I had the privilege of going to therapy, and having a lot of supports.
