Self-Love Insight
Trying to Change My Man Taught Me 2 Valuable Lessons
And helped me find my Superpower
My last relationship was the most valuable one. But it was also the hardest to endure due to the many emotional upsets.
So often I used to think, “If only my boyfriend could understand how I feel and help me”?
My greatest pain was that he kept saying he loved me, but when it came to showing it, he faltered. I realized he couldn’t empathize with me or see my perspective. So I withdrew into my shell and stopped sharing my feelings.
But I still wanted his love.
I wanted our love to triumph over all the challenges we had. That’s why I didn’t want to give up. I wanted him to change. I tried to make him see what he was doing. But that didn’t work, of course not. Our relationship had a different and maybe a more important purpose: to get out of co-dependency.
I knew we had come together to evolve and learn an important life lesson. So I discovered the two mistakes that cause most problems in relationships and resolved them.
1. We want our partners to behave differently
I remember how much I judged my new boyfriend when we first started to see each other, only in my head, mind you. I saw so much ‘wrong’ with him. From my perspective, he either didn’t really listen to me or he didn’t know how to respond. (My father used to do as well, and I didn’t like it).
Sometimes I shared my condescending thoughts with my lover, but he only shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t care because my thoughts didn’t offend him.
Because these thoughts were, in fact, only saying something about me!
Resenting our partner has a hidden insightful message. There was a specific reason for my judgemental thoughts, they came from somewhere. They were bred by the belief that I am not wanted.
Imagine this: deep down you believe that you’re not loved, not wanted, and not good enough — this is your unconscious programming, the vibrational essence in your ‘energetic home’. An unloving, uneasy, and unkind atmosphere is meandering across your unconscious mind that feels unsupportive and judgemental towards yourself.
It overrides your natural confidence, love, and kindness.
This program created an ongoing stream of subconscious discontentment and unhappiness for me. For instance, when I observed a situation where he wasn’t responding to me. It felt like he was ignoring me. My immediate reaction was: ‘See he doesn’t care about me, he doesn’t want me’.
In this relationship, my programming became visible many times. This was the greatest blessing.
Our first instinctual survival mechanism is judging or resenting our partner to defend ourselves. We want to make ourselves feel better and deter from our pain.
But that doesn’t help!
The reason I judged him, thought badly about him and made his behaviour wrong was because of the painful, unresolved false beliefs I created in my childhood.
These beliefs hurt me and I wanted him to make me feel better.
But it was up to me to uncover why I felt unwanted, own my pain and stop wanting him to do something so I could feel better.
Instead of wanting my boyfriend to love me more, I had to love myself more.
2. Not loving ourselves unconditionally
I was glad when I uncovered my old pains because the discovery was the first step to healing myself.
These beliefs of not feeling wanted, loved and good enough were with me all my life, I grew up with them, but they also felt like intruders. They didn’t belong to me, and I disliked their jarring energy.
Because they were not born from pure unconditional, divine Love (with a capital L.) And because they were not true.
It is a blessing that we tend to project these false beliefs outward to the person we love the most so we can see them. If we can see them, our relationships become a vehicle for us to evolve and love ourselves more.
Loving ourselves means thinking, speaking, and acting lovingly towards ourselves. This enables us to also think lovingly about others. That’s why no relationship can be truly loving, harmonious, and fulfilling if we don’t love ourselves.
In truth, Self-Love, the Love for our true, higher Self is always present.
We don’t need to love ourselves more.
Instead, we need to transmute all beliefs and emotions not born from true Love, such as those false beliefs I mentioned earlier. Recognizing when we are not acting from the essence of true Love is an act of Self-Love.
And so is noticing the dark cloud-like thoughts arising from the depth of our unconscious mind and knowing they have come up to be seen by us.
Witnessing the typically pushed-aside, unpleasant emotions acts as a transformation if we can stay calm in our hearts.
Loving yourself is your superpower
It is simple and easy to love yourself yet it requires practice.
Saying “I LOVE YOU” to yourself, mentally or out loud whenever you’re upset is easy, right?
If you choose to use this simple method, you can transform any uncomfortable energies of your upset into love.
Loving yourself is about reconnecting to your heart. From that place, you can be the most loving partner you want your man to be. That is the attitude for a happy relationship.
It is also the attitude of true Love.
Working on loving yourself relentlessly and spreading that love to your beloved is the path to an unconditionally loving relationship.
Nothing changes until we become aware of the role we’re playing in the relationship. The world can only receive us in the way we perceive ourselves.
Asking ourselves what we want from our partners is a good start. If our answer is ‘nothing’ we have a good chance to be happy. If we have conditions we place on our partners, we have work to do.
Thinking lovingly about ourselves and our decisions creates a natural feel-good factor. This enables us to be content, peaceful, and in love with life. That is a good basis for a harmonious, loving relationship because we enter it from a full cup or a loving heart.
Building a fulfilling relationship requires knowing ourselves, true self-love, and a compassionate understanding of our human conditioning.
