Travel

Egypt: Pyramids, Near-Arrests And Gods With Butts

Any time you get a serene second at the Pyramids, an Egpytian tout ruins the moment and shoves some shitty tchotchke in your face. You tell him you don’t want it, so he drops it in your hand and goes, gift! And then demands money anyway, not…

Remote Year, Month 4: Lisbon — The Land of Comfort And Hashish

10 seconds after arriving in Lisbon, I saw a black hoodie and heard a hiss.

Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssst … hashish?

Remote Year Month 3: London was Hell

The England-Pakistan cricket match was 8-and-a-half fucking hours.

That was just Day 1 of 5? I guess it was 42 and a half.

Only one team batted. It made baseball look like a 100-meter dash in which all the runners…

British people can get away with anything

I was at a bar in Nice watching Euro 2016 soccer (yes, soccer) with some Brits. Cristiano Ronaldo missed a few shots. The Brits had imbibed a few shots. They sang a song.

Follow the drunk Northern Irishmen, have the best day of your life

I had my Northern Irish friend’s ticket to the Euro 2016 match he’d been looking forward to for, well, a lifetime, and I wasn’t sure how I’d find him.

There are embers on my back because post-communism

I was walking back from a cafe in Prague, and there was construction outside my apartment building. I live in the nice, bourgie, expat neighborhood.

Covered in bed bugs and coffee, can’t complain

I was late for my first BlaBlaCar — paid, safe, Uberized hitchhiking, common in Europe — and Google translate told me he was leaving 1:20 sharp.

Nobody laughed when I did standup so I peed

I was at a dive-bar open mic in Boston, doing standup for the first time, and the crowd was dead silent.

I was telling stories, staring into strangers’ eyes, stomach in a vice. I had planned to be sober. In the hour I waited to…