Here’s Why Pandemic Productivity Is a Scam
You’re so much more than what you can produce.
After writing 60,000+ words in November, I thought that bringing a short story from idea to publication in December would be a piece of cake.
I’ve been stuck in a whirlwind of edits and “shiny new idea syndrome” that’s kept me from finishing anything. Short stories aren’t even new to me — I wrote them back when I was a kid.
Writing One-Shots
In the fanfiction world, short stories are called one-shots. I wrote a ton of them when I was writing fanfiction on the now-defunct social commerce website Polyvore. (Polyvore was so fun and had a vibrant community of fanfiction writers. I’m still sad that it’s gone.)
I took one-shot requests from other Polyvore users and published it on my account.
The request included their name, the guy they wanted to be paired with, a location, and any extras they may want included (i.e. relationship drama, someone else’s name, etc.).
Within a day, I produced a one-shot that they typically were ecstatic with.
This was way before I knew about the process of editing and rewriting. I wrote a first draft of a one-shot, maybe looked it over once for mistakes, and published it.
I may have been producing lower quality work. But, I finished a lot of pieces and got immediate feedback on them. Most importantly, it was fun.
Now, my short stories are stuck in a never ending cycle of getting a fresh idea, rampaging through a first draft, sludging through edits, and abandoning it when the next fresh idea comes around. I currently have 5 short stories in editing limbo — all of which I started in December.
Fear + Imposter Syndrome = A Mess, Sis
I think that this cycle comes from a fear of feedback. When someone criticizes my work, it feels like a stab to the gut. (Dramatic? Yes. Accurate? Also, yes.)
This fear keeps me from reaching goals in both my fictional and nonfictional work. I won’t go after opportunities because I fear negative feedback or being “found out” that I’m not as good as I thought I was.
The fear stems from my mindset that my worth is wrapped into my productivity. I’ve been trying to stop thinking this way, but it’s hard.
As I think about this subject, I’m reminded that the idea of being productive during a global pandemic is absurd.
Pandemic Productivity is a Scam
We are all experiencing a traumatic event. Every day, we’re confronted with stories of death and disaster.
We are forced to be separated from the people we love. Whenever we leave our homes, we’re in constant fear of getting horribly sick and dying. People are still trying to decide whether Black lives matter.
Through it all, we have had no competent leadership. I’m confident we would have done better if the Boss Baby was our president.
Things are rough out here. We can’t all be Taylor Swift. (A world filled with Taylor Swifts sounds like a horrific dystopian future in itself.)
This pandemic puts a strain on our physical and mental health every second of the day. Even when it’s over, the impact on our overall health will be long lasting. I’ve been in it for so long that my brain is numb.
I’ve begun to believe this is normal — when it’s anything but.
Being asked to be as productive as you would be normally (or more) when your mental health is under constant anguish is like asking someone with a broken leg to run a marathon. It’s nearly impossible. And, yet, most of us are forced to do this every single day.
Be Kind to Your Body and Mind
I’m trying to be kinder to myself and you should too. You are so much more than what you can produce. The health of your body and mind come first.
Creativity is how I cope. It’s how I make sense of the world. And, I want to share my creativity with other people. But, sometimes I set my standards so high that my fear blocks me from finishing.
Right now, I’m working on alleviating the stress of my creative process. I’m making room for what matters: joy. But, trust, you’ll see the fruits of my labor soon. Best believe that.
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Nia Simone McLeod is a writer, content creator, and pop culture enthusiast from Richmond, Virginia. Follow her on Twitter, Tumblr, or Instagram for more dope digital content.
