No-alcohol February: placebo beers and peer pressure struggles

“I drink to make other people more interesting.”
― Ernest Hemingway

Why do we drink? Is it the taste, is it the other people, is it because we want to be somebody else? Would you drink all by yourself? Is the world around that boring, especially at parties, that we need to alter it a bit by altering our perception?

I am writing this but a part of myself is shaking my head thinking: “come on, Kasia, it’s fun to drink, not a big deal, don’t be such a downer!”. And let me be clear: I made the challenge happen in February but I am back to drinking occasionally. Asking these questions is still an interesting exercise though: why do you really drink, not in general, not as a society, not the usual answer we hear in mass media or we give with a superficial laughter in causal conversation. You, me, on a personal level. What does this give you? Because if nothing, really, you can easily just stop. The downsides of alcohol are far more prevailing: calories, moral hangover, real hangover, dehydration, liver problems, conflicts and so on, and so on.

And yet, we all had tones of fun with alcohol, unforgettable parties, barbecues in parks, evenings on balconies, weddings. Attempts to stop people from drinking, as almost all attempts to force people to stop doing something, ended badly. To throw in an especially daunting example, in the US during prohibition times the government poisoned the alcohol killing up to 10.000 people.

When searching for how a month with no alcohol can change you in any way, I constantly run into websites for people with what was presented as an actual alcohol problem, the likes of “you finally realized alcohol is the source of your misery? We are here to help.” And I was going, no, no, isn’t there anybody out there who stopped drinking for a while just to see how it feels?

We talk about alcohol as this natural ingredient in our lives to an extent that not drinking, even for such a short amount of time as a month, raises suspicions whether you actually have a problem. I am not without a blame, just until recently I would raise my mental eyebrow if somebody refused with a polite ”no thank you, I don’t drink”. Ironically, we still usually associate total abstinence with recovering alcoholics or pregnancy.

But sometimes it’s better to stop all together than just a bit. A friend of mine stopped drinking after she had a child and it’s been 6 years now. She couldn’t be happier, it seems. She looks young and is always happy after a party enjoying her no-hangover. She loves parties and is one of the most outgoing and social persons I know. Dances like crazy.

The facts

I stopped drinking on February 1, together with my partner who wanted to start the challenge in the first place. I was weirdly excited to do it since as back as I can think in my adult life, I don’t think there was a month without an occasional beer, wine or shot. At least I never made the conscious effort and living a pretty sociable life, there always was a reason for at least a small beer. I felt the kind of excitement connected to a hope for an easy win, a win within your immediate reach. I wasn’t sure what the win would be about exactly.

So here we were, booked on a party on February 2, immediately thirsty. When leaving work that evening, I found a group of co-workers sipping their after-work beers in the kitchen and my immediate thought was to join them for one. Then I remembered. Oh shoot, I thought, is it going to be this kind of challenge? Not about the will, but about the memory? Having alcohol is something so natural, it is becoming more difficult to control your automatism than to actually overcome the substance of the habit. At the party later, I remembered it very clearly; we became a topic of a conversation: how will you survive this club night virgin clean? I felt so awkward, I almost immediately went to a bar to get a bottle of non-alcoholic beer. It was disgusting but I had two or three that night, just to hold on to something. Maybe it was a bit harder to feel the beat, to move around gracefully, to loosen up but before we knew, it was 2AM and a sense of pride crawled in — we did it! A party with no alcohol. There was no euphoria, though.

The next morning I found 4 beers lined up on my desk at work: a joke based on my last evening confessions. My colleagues bet I won’t make it till the end of February, even though I picked the shortest month. But after the party was over, things got way smoother. Weeks and romantic dinners passed without opening a Chianti, without trying out a new IPA or having a small Porto glass. In the last week, a small countdown went off in our heads but we did it with way less effort that I would have imagined.

What was easy?

Not drinking is easy! As a reverse to forming a proactive habit, this one is based on elimination only so as long as I didn’t get cravings or occasions, it didn’t feel like a challenge at all. Busy with work, I don’t usually drink during the week that often anyway so this didn’t require too much engineering. Doing it together with my partner made it so much easier, too. I can’t imagine him sipping wine next to my water glass.

What was difficult?

The wine cravings at dinner gave me an unpleasant itch and it was unpleasant for two reasons: I couldn’t get my reward and… I noticed that I seek that reward! I love the wine taste and I felt like I was missing something but again, knowing this was just a month, I could eliminate the itch in 5–10 seconds, converting it in a sense of pride. But being among people who drink and somehow form a community around the ritual, is the most difficult part.

What did I notice?

There is a strong social component to drinking alcohol. I know it’s not shocking but it kind of hits you when you realize how strong it is. Drinking a non-alcoholic disgusting beer, even though a simple limo or water would taste better: why did I do that? Why did my partner buy 6 non-alcoholic beers for our fridge? Something worth a deeper thought. Is is the same reason why we have tofu sausages in supermarkets?

What changed?

I really struggled to see any change: I think my blood pressure (which I measure every day but that’s a different and much longer story)dropped a little bit. I felt good with my body, I slept the same, no complaints but also no enlightenment or super-boost so it is hard to draw back any conclusions to the lack of alcohol in my system.

An important learning is the social one —being conscious about why I am reaching my hand to grab a drink in any given moment. If it is an automatism or a remedy to a problem I could solve in a different way, I will just say no, thanks. No “empty” drinking! And if I do drink, I will really enjoy it without any guilt. A friend of mine gave me a great quote “I only drink to amplify my good mood”. Let’s stick to that.

Did I continue?

Nope. I think I am pretty well setup with the amount of alcohol I drink in my life which is really not much. I didn’t see any substantial change in my body or mental well-being during February so it is hard to see an incentive to drop the occasional delight of a wine glass. But it feels good to know that I am able to do it again, whenever feel like it.

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Next one up: a day with drinking 1,5l water every day.

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This post is part of my 2018 OneChangeAtaTime challenge where I try to introduce a new habit into my life one month at a time. Read all about it here, maybe you will join me?