Dear Amazon…

(Open Letter Experiment?)

Update: It’s now January of 2020 — so it’s been 3 years — and I’ve still not received the shirt nor a refund :(

NOTE: This is the SHORTER/CONDENSED version.
For the FULL/LONG VERSION, Click Here.

[Disclaimer: I do NOT hate Amazon; I’m actually a big fan! So this is not a “F*** You” letter; more like “Dude, Come on, WTF?! Seriously?!” like I’d send to a friend]

OVERVIEW:

• Item ordered: Jan. 22, 2017
• Shipping Confirmation: Jan. 24, 2017
• Item Still “In Transit” as of FEBRUARY — 2018!
  (And seller turned out to be a SERIAL SCAMMER!)

DETAILS, SCREENSHOTS, and RESTITUTION REQUEST

• I contacted Amazon in late February, 2017. I was instructed to contact the seller. So I did:

Above is my original message (to seller), March 1, 2017

Her super-sketchy response March 5th, 2017: “Hello, your package has been sent, we apologize to inform you that the recent strict customs check caused by logistics delay, causing inconvenience to you please forgive us, we will solve problem as soon as possible! please wait patiently!”

Yes, obviously that sounds like bullsh*t… BUT… I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt! (MAYBE “Makayla Adermann” was a down-on-her-luck, single mom, working 3 jobs to support 5 kids, and was just going through a difficult time in her life!?!)

• I decided to cut her some slack and “wait patiently” as she requested.
• I emailed again on May 10th. (No Response) And again on Sept. 22nd:

Shockingly, no response.
Ok, let’s fast-forward… Here are the steps I followed — multiple times:

• I found the link for “Help with order” — Good first step?

• I clicked “Package didn’t arrive”… (Everybody cool with that so far?)

Wait, I’m sorry, what shipping Carrier is that again?!?
Not UPS or FedEx or USPS, but “E??” ???

• Nice that it consistently said “Expected by Feb 9” (even on New Years Eve!)
• Several times in 2017, I clicked “Still can’t find it” — which repeatedly brought me to:

So, which do YOU think I should have asked for — refund or replacement???

[Spoiler Alert: I tried BOTH. Multiple times. No response.]

NOTE: There were NO RED FLAGS on her feedback back in January, 2017 (100% positive ratings) when I made the purchase. But, NOW is a different story:

(All of these reviews came AFTER my order)

OH SH*T!!!

This was apparently NOT just an honest mistake by a legit entrepreneurial seller who deserved my understanding and compassion…

I got SCAMMED by a devious CYBER-CRIMINAL MASTERMIND!!!

Hey, Amazon… my friend… Hypothetical question: How long do you let a seller like “Makayla” stay on your platform?? And, if/when you determine you have a scammer seller, do you ever notify people like me who are patiently waiting for deliveries? (Just curious)

IN CONCLUSION:

So, Amazon, my dear friend…

It was $17.77, paid in January of 2017.
For reasons elaborated on in the longer version of this letter (#BitCoin) this is my official request to ask you to rectify the $ituation with a one-time restitution payment of $269.69.*

*And if you want to throw in an extra $12,000 (for pain and suffering? or just to thank me for bringing this to your attention?), I publicly promise to use 100% of what you give me to fund RandomJobsOfKindness.com, to spread kindness and compassion and make the world a better place (where people are less likely to scam one another!)

[Or, if you prefer, we could settle this with an old fashioned DUEL, at high noon, on the dusty road in the center of town.]

I look forward to your response!

Your Friend,
Jeff G. — (Jeff@OpenLetterExperiment.com)

[Message to Seller on Sept. 22nd, 2017]