Quarantine Life: staying connected in isolation
Part 4: Discovering hidden resilience as an estranged student during lockdown
For Sarah James-Short, commencing her studies at Oxford University as an estranged student was daunting, and initially she struggled to find her feet. However, with support from her college and the friends she made, Sarah found a warm welcome and great fulfilment studying her favourite subject as a valued History undergraduate.
Estranged students are young people studying without the support of a family network. Some young people in this position have no contact at all with their family and have removed themselves from a dysfunctional situation.
In the fourth part of our quarantine life series, Sarah shares the support networks she developed at university but how lockdown brought its own particular stresses. Sarah explains how she discovered a hidden resilience during this tough time and is now making the most of summer with a Prince’s Trust Internship.
What set St Anne’s College apart when you were applying to Oxford University?
When applying to Oxford, I chose St. Anne’s because of their commitment to outreach and diversifying their student body. I remember feeling really at home and like I had made the right choice of college at interviews, regardless of whether I thought I’d get in or not. I think Principal Helen King’s “Be Well, Do Well” campaign has contributed a lot to the encouraging and supportive vibe of the College and makes it stand out. At St. Anne’s you feel valued as a person and a member of the College community rather than just for your grades.
How does the real Oxford compare with the impression you had of it in your head?
I didn’t know much about Oxford before I applied. I had never considered it as a real option because I had thought of it as a place I wouldn’t fit or get into. I thought it would be the antithesis of the place I grew up in. In many ways, it is. But it’s also full of normal people from all kinds of backgrounds that make it a much more welcoming place than what I had thought it would be. I think Oxford still has a lot of progress to make, as the events of the last few months has made clear, but the student body is doing a great job at making that progress happen.
I had the goal of attending university throughout school as a way of restarting my life on my own terms
How has being an estranged student impacted your university experience compared to others?
Being estranged has both highlighted the importance and value of my degree and also made it much harder. I had the goal of attending university throughout school as a way of restarting my life on my own terms. It has been a chance to move to a new place studying my favourite subject (History) and essentially has provided an escape for me, so I’m extremely grateful for the chance to study this degree. But it’s also meant I haven’t been able to share the highs and lows of Oxford with a family. I haven’t had a stable place to return to in the vacations. I don’t know who I’ll invite to my graduation. The need to have a plan, and a back-up plan, for my life immediately after Finals weighs heavily on my mind, because I don’t have a safety net or parents to rely on if something goes wrong.
How has Oxford University making the Stand Alone Pledge, a public commitment that an institution will support estranged students, helped you on your Oxford journey?
Most importantly it’s made me feel recognised and more understood. Before I applied, there was no mention of estrangement on the University’s website, and that fed into my belief that it wouldn’t be a place for me. A lot of other universities had already taken the Stand Alone Pledge and had details of support they could provide for estranged students on their websites and in their prospectuses. I feel a lot better for future estranged students coming up that they will be supported here. It’s a relief to know that there is support available for us now both emotionally and financially if we need it.
How did you go about finding your feet at University?
In all honesty I really struggled to find my feet at first! But I think being open and honest about my struggle with my College is what helped me the most. There was always someone to listen and reassure me and offer me help if I needed it. I had some great friends who made sure I got involved in things and also made me realise that a lot of people struggle to find their feet too. If you’re honest about it, you can all help each other through.
The need to have a plan, and a back-up plan, for my life immediately after Finals weighs heavily on my mind, because I don’t have a safety net or parents to rely on if something goes wrong
Do you think more could be done for estranged students and young people applying to university in general?
I think letting students know that there is support available for estranged students before they arrive, and reaching out to ask if they need any help before then could make a big difference. I reached out to College myself after results day to ask for some advice about getting books for my summer reading list and they were so helpful, but I think a lot would be too anxious to reach out. I know that St. Anne’s has been great at this since I arrived and I know that it really does make a difference.
How have you found lockdown as an estranged student how has the new set-up impacted you and your studies?
Lockdown has been pretty stressful for me. College has always made it clear that I have a place there should I need it, but I think at first like a lot of people I didn’t anticipate just how things would turn out. I also have a younger brother in a similar situation to me and wanted to be near him. A day after my 0th week collection [each new term at Oxford is considered to start on a Sunday, and the week leading up to that Sunday is known as 0th week, while collections are internal exams set by tutors at the beginning of each term], I unexpectedly had to leave the place I was staying, which made the start of Hilary term really difficult.
I was able to stay with my older sister but I didn’t have my own room to work in or even a desk or table to sit at, so it was far from ideal. But my tutors were so incredibly understanding and supportive and I had a great tutorial partner. They let me know I could do what I needed to get through, but also pushed me and helped me to keep going as normal. I think the remote Trinity term was what got me through the worst of lockdown. It gave me something to focus on, and I really do enjoy my subject. It was also so rewarding that despite everything I was still getting through and doing well.
I have learned that I am more resilient than I thought. I’ve had to deal with a lot of stress and change but I got through it and didn’t do a bad job either
What has quarantine survival looked like for you?
Like most people I think I’ve watched everything on Netflix. But personally I enjoy getting outside for long walks so I’ve been visiting a lot of places nearby, from the beach to different waterfalls. My thesis has a French element to it so I’ve been trying to improve on that which has kept me busy and actually been pretty fun. I also love to draw and paint so it’s been great to have some more time for that as I usually don’t find the time during term.
What have you learned about yourself during this time?
I have learned that I am more resilient than I thought. I’ve had to deal with a lot of stress and change but I got through it and didn’t do a bad job either.
How are you spending your summer?
I have moved to Wales now until term starts up again and I’m loving how peaceful it is and being able to explore. I am also in the middle of an internship with The Prince’s Trust through The Danson Foundation. It has been the best experience and I’ve enjoyed it more than I expected to, I’m so grateful for the opportunity and I think I will be sad when it ends. That said, I also have my thesis to write and a lot of other reading to do!
I haven’t exactly decided what I want to do after university. There’s so much that I enjoy and that interests me that I don’t have my heart set on one thing, but I guess that’s also a good thing for me because it means I have a few plans and back up plans. This internship has been great at helping me figure out where I see myself. I hope to gain some more experience working in the third sector, but I’m also considering applying for the civil service.
But personally I enjoy getting outside for long walks so I’ve been visiting a lot of places nearby, from the beach to different waterfalls
What are you most looking forward to doing when term starts in October?
Usually I kind of dread coming back to Oxford, I think I let myself get a bit too anxious about it. But the remote term has made me realise all the little things that I do miss, and how lucky we are to have so many resources around us in Oxford. I’ll even be so grateful just to have the library back. But I’m most looking forward to those first in-person catch ups with friends, even if they have to be a little different to how they were before.
What advice would you give to someone in your position who has perhaps just got their A-level results?
Know that it’s going to be okay no matter how things turn out. I know everyone says it, but it really is true. I had a lot of extra anxiety about results day because I was so scared if something went wrong that I would be completely stuck and wouldn’t get the escape away that I had been working towards throughout school. But it doesn’t need to be like that, things will always work out, and if you’ve made it this far you can keep going and make it through everything else.
What is one thing that you would change about the University if you could?
This is actually a hard question! There is a lot of progress being made to start to change things, but we’re not quite there yet. So I would change the sense of commitment that Oxford actually has towards making the University a safer and better place for minorities. There seems to be a lot more talk than action, and the university needs to fully commit to taking action, and then actually act.
Know that it’s going to be okay no matter how things turn out. I know everyone says it, but it really is true
What are your favourite things to do within the University and surrounding city, and which memories will you treasure most?
I do love University Parks — they’re right behind St. Anne’s and my favourite escape when I need a break from my desk. I like to pop into the Ashmolean too. As a history student, I spend a lot of time just reading so it is nice to be able to go and see something real and tangible that relates to what I’m doing. But most of all I think some of my best memories from my time here will always be the little coffee shop lunches I’ve had with friends across the city, they are invaluable in a busy term and I find they can make everything feel so much more manageable.
One positive thing that you would like everyone to know about Oxford?
That there are many people here, both staff and students alike, that are listening and wanting to make a change.
(Read Part 1: The Revolution will be organised!; Part 2: Celebrating Ramadan in lockdown and Part 3: What could be possible if we changed the status quo?)
What next?
Follow us here on Medium where we’ll be publishing more articles soon.
Want to read more? Try our articles on: Being a minority at Oxford, ‘Oxford is a complicated place; it is both very diverse in some ways, and not at all in others’, and How to shine in an Oxford interview.
Are you a member of the University who wants to write for us on Medium? Get in touch with us here with your ideas: digicomms@admin.ox.ac.uk.
