Chapter 26: A Brief History of Kartik and Niyati
While everyone in the gang had watched Niyati’s debut (and only film) — a Telugu romcom — Kartik was the only fan Niyati had. While everyone else had lied about liking the movie, Kartik had actually enjoyed the movie. His only problem with the movie was: “Niyati, why didn’t you just learn Telugu and dub for yourself?” Anand didn’t find the movie impressive but he laughed at all the jokes. The lead actor was Veena’s contemporary from when she was growing up in Chennai and there were barely a few “urban watering holes” around then. She had also seen him in his college play. For some reason, seeing him in the movie made Veena really happy. Nobody understood why the movie made Veena so happy. Anuj called the movie outright populist trash. Seher didn’t laugh at any of the funnies but was choked till about here when it came to the melodrama bits.
Kartik and Niyati bonded over audition rehearsals for a daily soap. Niyati needed someone to rehearse with. Anuj asked to see the script first and then refused to help on the grounds of it being terrible. Veena was working overtime that night because some specs had gone wrong in the designs that were to be sent to the artisans. Anand was client-fishing in London. Seher and Niyati were not talking to each other. They were fighting about who had more authority over terminology when it came to the pop culture industry. (This was before they agreed to disagree. Veena had to step in after three weeks of their not talking when she asked them to “stop bickering over words”.)
So Niyati called Kartik. The audition was for a role in a ghar-grihasti daily drama. Kartik was to read the mother-in-law lines and Niyati was to perform the daughter-in-law lines. He had turned out to be so bad at reading them that they ended up writing the lines in block letters on A4 sheets. “Chal theek hai, I’ll make do with performing opposite a subtitled character,” Niyati said. She kept those sheets of paper because by the time they were done rehearsing, she realised they were the best rehearsal tool. She could use this newfound tool to rehearse with anyone. Other victims of this rehearsal technique included her maid, the rickshaw guy who dropped her to the audition space (and a lot of other people for other roles).
Later that weekend, the gang discovered that Kartik had cancelled on a date because of some activity on Anjali’s Facebook. (Nobody remembered what that activity was.) To punish him Veena stabbed him in the neck and invoked ghost protocol⁶¹. Kartik hoarsely enunciated his dying wish — Niyati’s cue cards — before he died and became a ghost. He spent the evening providing mother-in-law lines to conversations or even when asking for a refill or a joint. Niyati and him also did a repeat performance of their rehearsal, which went viral after Seher shot and uploaded it. Not viral like a Bollywood trailer but viral like a spoken word poem with the word “vagina” in it.
(Niyati did not get a role out of those rehearsals though. It went to a nineteen-year-old because the TV guys had planned to keep the series on air for at least seven to eight years. The series got cancelled after three mostly due to the fall of the genre itself.)
⁶¹ He had to be a silent ghost till someone pulled the invisible knife out of his neck.
